“Yes, it sounds like we should,” Alistair says.
CHAPTER 34
FAYE
We walk out to the carpark in silence. Alistair’s jaw is tight with tension. Then he turns to me.
“What was that? Your daughter mentioned episodes. What kind of episodes?”
I open my mouth to speak and then close it again.
“Faye!” he prompts.
“All right. Just give me a moment. I need to…” I sigh. “I’m sorry. When we first met we both said we wanted something casual and you said you wanted to live in the moment. And then suddenly it wasn’t a casual relationship. And it was all too late.” I pull in a deep breath. “I have young-onset dementia.”
“What?” He shoves his hands into his pockets and takes a step back. “That’s quite a significant thing not to mention.”
“I know. I just didn’t want this to end.” I gesture between us.
“End? Why would it end?” He shakes his head.
“Alistair, you’re young. You’re still in your thirties and you have plenty of time to have a… a life. I’m fifty and… I’m in a steady decline?—”
“Bullshit. You’re making it sound like you’re half dead!” He grabs me by the shoulders. “Faye, you’re one of the most alive people I’ve ever met.”
I blow out a lungful of air. “Stop. Just stop being so kind to me.”
“And you can stop underestimating me.” He paces around for a moment and then points at me. “You kept this from me. That’s a lie. You’ve been lying this whole time. And why? Because you thought I was that shallow?”
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t bear for anything to change. I didn’t want to risk your pity or rejection.”
“It hurts more that you didn’t trust me,” he says.
“I’m in quite a bit of pain myself,” I say. “You have no idea what it’s like going through this, dealing with people’s sympathy. And then there was that photograph! No one believed it wasn’t me. They all jumped to the same conclusion, that I’m… I’mfucked in the head.” My voice rises, almost to a shout. I place a hand on my chest, trying to slow the thumping of my heart. “You not knowing gave me the smallest,” I lift my fingers and pinch them together, “piece of respite in all of this. You believed me. I thought if I told you everything, you’d stop believing me and wouldn’t be on my side. I just didn’t want you to doubt me. I didn’t want you to see me any differently.”
He lets out a long sigh. “Fuck’s sake, Mathis.” He rubs his forehead. “I get it. But I had a right to know.”
I nod. “You did. I’m sorry.”
“Is that everything? Or have you been keeping anything else from me?”
“That’s everything.”
He sighs. “Look, I think I need some space. I’m going to grab an Uber back to your place and pick up my car?—”
“I can drive you?—”
“No.” He smiles. It’s not a full smile. It’s brief and laced with sadness. “Go back inside. Enjoy the rest of the engagement party. We’ll… We’ll talk. All right?”
“All right.” I direct my gaze back to my feet as he walks away. Then I turn around and take a deep breath, before the tears can come.
“Mum?” Penny is standing just inside the back door, head tilted, compassion all over her face. “I’m so sorry, I thought he knew.”
I open my mouth to say something but it’s not Penny’s fault. I have nobody to blame except myself. And then the tears start to fall, and I fold into my daughter’s arms.
CHAPTER 35
FAYE
