“I’m not sure it would be wise for me to ever return,” Isaid quietly, focusing on the books on the shelves behind him so I didn’t need to meet his eyes. Even so, I heard Elizabeth’s quick intake of breath. Darcy remained completely silent. “It is for the best,” I tried to explain. “I am in love with Catherine Bennet.”
I risked raising my gaze and found Elizabeth smiling softly at me, seemingly proud and almost encouraging. It was perhaps the closest I would come to earning the blessing of Kitty’s family. Darcy was not smiling. His brow was furrowed in deep concentration as if he couldn’t find a way to reconcile what I was telling him with how he understood the world to be.
“As I understand it, women often form close female friendships. It’s—”
“No,” I said, cutting him off. I would not let him explain this away in the most palatable way. “I feel it here.” I put my hand over my heart. I didn’t tell him how every word ever written about love paled in comparison with the way Kitty’s smile made my whole chest contract, but I hoped he could still at least try to understand.
“It is Kitty you plan to… travel with?” Elizabeth asked tentatively.
Before I could speak for her, Kitty’s voice sounded in the doorway.
“Yes,” she said, stepping into the room.
I could not blame her for joining the conversation as soon as she’d arrived. It was never enjoyable to listen to people speak about you without being able to add your own voice.
Elizabeth rushed across the room to drag Kitty into a tight embrace.
“I cannot believe you thought this was a good idea,” Elizabeth chastised, pulling away to look her younger sister in the eyes like she was a disobedient child. “After what Lydia put us all through. With Father still recovering!”
“I left a letter,” Kitty said, her voice meek as if she was well aware what a weak comfort that would be for her parents when they found her gone. She ducked her head, clearly feeling shame.
I fervently hoped Elizabeth had not talked her out of our plans. I would not stop Kitty from going home, but I was certain that, if she did, she would not be permitted to leave again to go gallivanting across the Continent with me. Even if her parents did not know the depth of our feelings for each other, we were still intending to hop from country to country with little regard for the proper way of things, completely unchaperoned.
Kitty wrung her fingers together, a little overwhelmed by the attention. She crossed the room to stand close to me and tucked one of her hands behind her back. The request evident, I took it in my own and squeezed, letting her know I would not let go. If Elizabeth or Darcy noticed, neither of them mentioned it.
“Have you thought this through, Georgiana? This is not… It’s not like you,” Darcy said.
I held my head high. “This is what I want,” I promised him, certain. “I will not lie about who I am anymore.”
“What if we found you a husband who was prepared to… look the other way? You need some kind of stability, and there are no guarantees I will be here to protect you forever,” Darcy said. I could tell he was attempting to reason with me, but I was not much in favour of changing my mind.
“I don’t want a husband,” I said, fiercely enough that I hoped he would see how unwavering I was on the matter. I had seen the life Charlotte lived and, while she made it work as best she could, I knew I wasn’t that strong. The lie would eat me alive, and she’d been right—I had another option. I had seen it with my own eyes, and I wanted nothing else.
“I don’t care if it’s more difficult or if people disapprove or that I can never properly marry Kitty,” I insisted. “I’m willing to leave, to go to another country if that’s what it takes. I have no desire to bring shame on our family, but I will not live a lie. If you grant me my money, I will settle as far away from Pemberley, and London, as I can. You need not ever hear from me again. There is no need to send me away like you did Frances. I’ll do it myself.”
“Frances?” Darcy asked, his brow furrowed with confusion.
The name that was constantly in my thoughts meant nothing to him. My jaw tightened, anger coursing through me on her behalf.
“Our chambermaid. You sent her away when she was caught with a maid from another household. It was the first thing you did, after Father died. Even before his funeral,” I explained, forcing him to remember.
Darcy clearly struggled to grasp at a memory I wouldnever be able to forget, but I watched realisation take over his features, and he latched on to it. He shook his head and I waited for his excuses, but they weren’t quite what I expected.
“No, I… It was the last thing Father did. He gave the order before he died and… I let it happen. I regretted it then, if you’ll believe me, and I regret it much more so now, but I was newly head of the family and had so much to worry about, and even through the veil of death, I didn’t know how to argue with our father,” he said, his head bowed. “I apologise.”
I was not the one his apology should have been directed to, and there was no telling what had become of Frances in the five years since she’d been sent away. Still, I accepted his words with a nod, knowing he intended them to excuse not the action of expelling Frances from Pemberley, but for the years of doubt it had grown in me.
“It has been plaguing me for years,” I told him, because he had to know.
Darcy’s eyes creased with sadness, aging him five years instantly. I refocused on the floor, hating to see that I’d upset him. The wood grain of the floorboards was starting to go blurry in my vision when Elizabeth spoke up, her words aimed at Darcy.
“If you lose her like this, you are the only one who will carry the blame,” she said. “I will not forgive you.”
She crossed her arms and fixed my brother with a stare, and I had never loved her more. I knew without question that her support wasn’t only because it was her sister I loved. Shewould have done the same thing regardless of who had captured my heart.
Darcy looked away from his wife’s gaze and towards the door. For a moment I thought he was inclined to walk out of it but, after a second to gather himself and clench his jaw, he managed a stiff nod to Elizabeth. Then he turned to me.
“Forgive me; I cannot help but be protective of you, after everything that has happened,” he said. His words seemed oddly heavy, like emotion was weighing them down and making them harder to get out. “I suppose it is time I acknowledge you are no longer a child and that my protection is, perhaps, unwarranted.”
