“Stay safe,” she insisted. “And write to me, whenever you get where you’re going.”
I nodded my agreement, but the notion was empty. I had no protests of a closer relationship with my cousin. She had proved herself endlessly more agreeable than her mother, but I still could not trust a letter sent to Rosings not to make its way into my aunt’s hands. She would have read Kitty’s letters to me, so I did not doubt she would be eager to read my letters to Anne in the instance of my disappearance. I would be tracked down in no time.
Leaving all of Rosings behind, Anne included, I all but ran towards the rest of my life.
Chapter Twenty-One
It was a cold walk to town, even with my coat, but I had a purse full of pin money I’d never had much need or inclination to spend, so it was easy to pay my way to Longbourn. I failed to see the process of travelling in the golden-hued light I knew Kitty did, but knowing she was at the end of the journey made it easier to endure the cramped corner of a shared coach and the endless rocking of the wheels.
The sun rose and set over my travels, leaving me facing an exhaustion staved off with small pockets of sleep where I could catch them. When I made it to Meryton, if not for the tiredness setting in, I would have walked the entire way to Longbourn House, but I didn’t trust my feet not to stumble.
For the right price, I managed to persuade a carriagedriver to take me out to the Bennets’ residence despite the late hour. I bid him to stop and wait a few hundred yards away so the sound of the horses’ hooves and wheels on gravel would not wake anyone. The last portion of my journey was completed on foot, taking me right to a place I felt I had not seen in years.
I looked up at the house and realised there was a hole in my plan. There was no way for me to get inside without waking someone, and I needed there to be no notice of my visit to anyone but Kitty. Any member of the household staff who woke would feel obligated to tell their master or mistress, and the Bennets or any of their guests would likely try to stop us. I was already asking Kitty for something completely mad. A dissenting voice could easily be all it took to talk us both out of it.
If I could not go through the house, the only option I was left with was Kitty’s window. I knew exactly which one it was and crept around the outside of the house until I could get a good view of it to appraise the situation. Climbing the brickwork felt like the most apt idea if I was aiming to recreate the events of a novel, but I knew I would not make it one foot off the ground before falling. If, by some miracle, I made it any higher, the fall would only hurt more. I was in no hurry to injure my leg again.
Shouting would wake the entire household, so I opted for something a little more subtle and collected a handful of pebbles. They were, I hoped, small enough that there was no risk of them breaking the window, but heavy enough that they would hit with enough force to alert Kitty to my presence.
All my first attempts hit brickwork. Chess and piano had not given me much of an arm for throwing, and the motion felt strange and unwieldy. Correcting the mistakes of each previous throw, I adjusted my aim and finally made contact with the glass. The soft clink wasn’t so loud I worried I’d wake anyone else, but did leave me concerned it wouldn’t be enough to even wake Kitty. I had known her to sleep through a lot more. Desperation kept me going, unwilling to surrender my only viable option to get past this stage of the plan.
Once five or six stones had bounced off the glass, I saw movement behind the window. It opened inwards just before I could let go of the next stone, revealing a sleepy-eyed and very confused Kitty. Her hair was covered by a nightcap, and she was fighting back a yawn, but my heart still leapt in my chest. As soon as she realised the identity of the fool beneath her window, she leant forwards, gripping the windowsill as her eyes widened in surprise. I quickly held my finger to my lips, urging her to be quiet. After all of this, I didn’t want her waking the staff with a shout. I gestured for her to come down to meet me, and she nodded, immediately disappearing.
The seconds before Kitty came flying out of the door felt longer than the entire journey from Rosings to Longbourn House, but eventually she was in my arms, holding me so tightly it was a chore to breathe. I still did not want her to let go. She repeated my name under her breath like a prayer, hugging me close for a full minute before pulling back to press kisses across my face.
“I missed you,” she whispered, resting her forehead against mine.
“I missed you, too,” I whispered back.
“What are you doing here? And so late?” she asked.
It took me a moment to answer, my faculties much distracted by the feel of her palm against the back of my neck and the depth of her eyes. The dim light might have denied me the full spectrum of shades of blue in them, but the spectrum of emotion was as plain as under the brightest sun. Once I had shifted past the confusion and surprise, the relief and love and joy sang through.
“Run away with me.”
I had meant it to be a question, but it came out as far more of a request. There was no context, no explanation, and yet Kitty’s response was immediate.
“Anywhere,” she vowed, punctuating the word with another kiss.
I could tell she thought me less than serious.
“I mean it,” I insisted. “I cannot imagine a fate worse than being tied to a man I could never love. My heart is no longer my own to give away.”
Her smile was teasing as she laced her hand with mine.
“Is it mine?” she asked.
There were no reservations.
“Yes.”
I could taste Kitty’s delight in the curve of her lips when she kissed me again, but as soon as she pulled away, my words seemed to settle in her mind and her face fell.
“They have found you a suitor?” she asked, her fingers tightening around mine.
“Yes,” I admitted, “and I’d rather take my chances starting anew than be married to him.”
The shiver that ran down my back was born half of the chill of the night, and half of the idea of being married off to Lord Salter to further the prospects of the family name, or to cover the tracks of my sins.
