“The chess pieces aren’t going to go anywhere without you,” she tried to joke, but my raised eyebrow made it clear I wasn’t in the mood to entertain her comedy. “George, please, let me apologise.”
“I don’t believe I am stopping you.”
“You know I don’t think you dull because you read. I love all the things you have packed inside your head,” she insisted.
“Yet you mock me with your closest confidant,” I challenged.
I did not care if she kept the true nature of our relationship a secret. Indeed it was the only way for both of us to be safe. But I doubted the notion that she couldn’t hide from Lydia the fact she kissed me each night without cruelly mocking me behind my back.
Kitty reached across the desk to take my hand. I put up a pitiful show of pulling away, but surrendered the pretence as soon as she started tracing her fingertips over the inside of my wrist.
“Youare my closest confidant. You cannot believe I tell Lydia anything of the way you make me feel?” she said, hervoice low to prevent eavesdropping, but with the side effect of making me shiver. “I trust but one person in this world with the true depths of my heart, and she is standing before me, understandably grumpy but on the brink of forgiveness,” she said, pushing hopefully.
“She sits before you. Disappointed, tired, and a little hungry.”
Kitty retrieved a small parcel from behind her on the chair and set it on the desk in front of me. It was wrapped in wax paper and tied with string, but I knew it contained gingerbread. It was an admirable attempt at a peace offering, and I was putting an embarrassing amount of restraint into not opening it immediately, but I was still angry with her and to take it felt like conceding.
“Or would it make her feel better to trounce me at several rounds of chess?” she suggested.
“Kitty, stop,” I said with a sigh, not in the mood to play games of any kind, linguistic or with thirty-two carved pieces.
“I truly am sorry,” Kitty said. Her eyes were watery and fearful, like she was on the brink of losing something precious. It hurt to see her so upset. “I was overcompensating. Sometimes I get so scared that what we’re doing is obvious, and I panic. I forget we can be—we are—friends. It doesn’t help that when I am around Lydia, I am…”
“Not your best?” I suggested.
“Demonstrably my worst,” she said with a laugh. “But it is good to know they teach tact so efficiently in London.” Shekissed my hand, the only part of me she could reach from across the desk. “There is nothing dull or tedious about you, Miss Darcy. You are an endless enigma I wish to dedicate my life to solving, and I don’t anticipate I’ll be bored for even one moment.”
Her words stunned me. I couldn’t even tell if she’d realised what she was insinuating. We were both taking risks each day, but we’d never sworn any part of the future to each other. It seemed entirely too impossible, but she’d laid the concept out with such casualness it almost seemed a foregone conclusion.
“You are lucky I love you,” I managed, only just keeping my breathlessness out of my voice.
“Yes,” she agreed. “I rather think I am.”
She reached out and moved a chess piece, challenging me with one raised eyebrow. Laughing, I took the bait. We played three games in quick succession, holding hands beside the board. Kitty didn’t complain for even a moment when I beat her in all of them, the entire process taking less than five minutes.
We left the library only because I was keen to unwrap my gingerbread and I knew better than to risk getting crumbs all over someone else’s books. I did not much feel like joining the rest of the household downstairs while I was still hurt by Lydia’s words, so I persuaded Kitty to walk with me in the garden. She had not changed out of the spencer she’d worn into town, so I sent her downstairs to wait while I collected something warmer from our room.
On my walk back past the library to meet Kitty, I noticed the door was ajar. Mr. Bennet had given me no rules regarding keeping it shut after I used the space, but I knew it was usually always closed and had to assume that was how he preferred it. Before I could pull the door flush against the frame, I heard the soft rustling of skirts inside and wondered perhaps if Kitty had not yet headed downstairs.
It wasn’t Kitty inside. Instead, I found Mary curled up on the floor, her back against the side of the desk. She rubbed her eyes furiously when she saw me, hiding her face against her knees.
“Go away,” she ordered.
I almost obeyed, knowing I was a guest in her house, but I didn’t want to leave her while she was upset. Besides, her words had a touch of petulance to them, akin to how one sibling might try to get rid of another. The familiarity encouraged me to take a seat on the floor beside her.
“Are you all right?” I asked, tentatively hoping it was nothing I’d done that had left her like this.
Mary sniffled for a moment, contemplating, before she gave me an answer.
“This house used to be quiet,” she whispered. “It was noisy all my life, and then Lydia left, then Lizzy and Jane. Kitty started to spend most of her time visiting anyone else. It was just me left, and there was no one to play chess with, but it was quiet.” She spoke wistfully, like the memories were fond ones, before her smile fell. “Now everyone is back and Lydia’s sharing a room that was always just mine because you’re here and… and Father might die.”
I was starting to understand. It was easy to see how the descending of family, and uninvited sisters-in-law, could be overwhelming.
“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling guilty. “I never meant to impose. Truly, Mary, if you would prefer it, I can leave.”
“No.” Mary sighed. “Elizabeth wants you here. So does Kitty. And with Father bedridden, you’re the only person who can put up any kind of defence in chess.”
It was a weak attempt at humour, but I made sure to grin widely enough that she’d know I found it amusing. Mary turned to look at me, weighing something up before she spoke. I assumed there was something she wanted to add to her soul-bearing monologue, so I tried my best to look open and willing to listen. No part of Mary’s demeanour made me think I had to be guarded with my own, so I was entirely unprepared to mask my reaction when she challenged me.
