“Can we go down?” I asked, wanting to begin the evening so its ending could come quicker. I was starting to forget why I had ever even considered attending this ball.
I remembered exactly why the moment I walked into the ballroom on Elizabeth’s arm. Kitty was impossible to miss. Even if not for the fact I was always aware of her exact position in every room, she shone amongst the assembled crowd. Her dress was cobalt blue, trimmed with golden embroidery around the hem. It was the kind of thing that fit in perfectly in London but still turned heads up in Derbyshire. Even without the bright garment, she would still have cast every other guest in shadow. There was a curve to her lips like she knew your every secret, a sparkle in her eyes betraying a laugh she held inside. If he’d been looking for perfection, my brother chose the wrong sister, but I’d never been more grateful his head had been turned by Elizabeth.
All the words I’d ever known eluded me. I wanted to rush over to Kitty, to tell her she looked more regal than royalty, to take her hand like she had taken mine in the library, but my feet had sewn themselves to the floor. It was only when Elizabeth tugged at my arm that I realised we hadn’t movedfrom the doorway. I let her pull me farther into the room, my eyes still fixed on Kitty. She was talking to a woman I distantly recognised as one of Elizabeth’s friends, laughing gloriously at whatever she’d said, and I yearned to be the one to bring that light to her eyes. Unaware of where my attention lay, Elizabeth led me over to my brother.
“My love,” he greeted her, kissing the back of her gloved fingers like they had been separated for weeks, rather than mere minutes. Then he turned to me. “Georgiana, it is lovely to see you in attendance.”
The sentiment was genuine, but then he took a moment to take in the atypical nature of my appearance and a frown settled across his features.
“Doesn’t she look stunning?” Elizabeth said, noticing the same look and diving in to my rescue.
My brother always found it difficult to disagree with his wife. He forced a nod, far from happy about it, and made his excuses to step away from the conversation, suddenly spotting a friend across the room. As if it weren’t a room filled solely with his friends.
“Don’t pay him any mind,” Elizabeth said with a laugh. “He’s just not yet ready to believe you a woman ready to marry, especially after…”
She cut herself off, but it was easy to fill in the gap she left behind. Especially after Wickham. The version of the story Darcy knew rendered me a naive child in his eyes, but the truth would be far worse. I nodded, fighting back numbness, and cleared my throat.
“If you’ll excuse me,” I said with a nod, hurrying away before anyone could insist I needed to be chaperoned. I was hoping this ball being in my own house, half full of people I already knew, would negate any need for close supervision.
I didn’t realise my feet were leading me to Kitty until I looked up and found her a foot away, staring at me. I couldn’t blame her for being surprised to see me, not after how adamant I’d been that I wouldn’t be coming. My cheeks darkened beneath the rouge.
“George…” Kitty said, trailing off like she’d forgotten the end of her sentence along with the rest of my name.
“Miss Bennet,” I said, adding a shallow curtsey. How could I not, with her dressed like that? The king himself would’ve bowed.
“Don’t.” Kitty smiled. “I hate being aMiss Bennet.”
I took her hand quickly, hoping the motion was disguised by our skirts, and squeezed her fingers in apology. I wished there weren’t gloves between us. Before I could commit to any silly ideas of walking around the room with her on my arm, I stepped a little away.
“You came,” she said.
“You asked me to. That is a beautiful dress,” I said, although it wasn’t what I meant. It was Kitty who made the dress as breathtaking as it was. She was the one who deserved the direct compliments. I just wasn’t brave enough to give them, not there in the middle of Pemberley’s drawing room.
“I borrowed it from Lizzy,” Kitty said, plucking at thefabric of her skirts to pull them away from herself. “It was stupid, really. I should never have—”
I couldn’t let her keep talking.
“It looks like it was made for you,” I insisted, and I clearly was not the only one who thought so. The entire room seemed to be sneaking glances her way, with ladies envious and gentlemen unable to direct their attention elsewhere. “They are all looking at you.”
“Silly.” Kitty laughed, shaking her head. “It’s you they are looking at. And I cannot blame them for even a moment.”
It thrilled me to hear her say such things. I dared to hope, just a little, that she returned even the smallest amount of my feelings.
“Would you like to dance?” she asked, without a hint of teasing in her voice. “Or is your dance card already full?”
“With you?” I blinked at her, certain I was misunderstanding. There was no shortage of men at the gathering; it would be unnecessary for her to have to dance with me. She could have her pick of any of the eligible bachelors in the room, and probably any of those already married. No gentleman would be unsympathetic to her request.
“Yes, with me,” Kitty confirmed, her head held high.
“I…” I took a step back.
I wanted to. Kitty was radiant, and I wanted nothing more than to stand up with her in front of the whole room and know she had chosen me over everyone else. I wanted to slide off her gloves, lace her fingers with mine, and let our skirtssweep the floor together as we danced through the steps. But everyone would be watching, and even if we could have explained it with a lack of gentlemen, I would not be able to feign the disconnect of a lady dancing with a friend or family member. It was too much of a risk. Everyone would know.
“I am not much of a dancer,” I mumbled, conjuring disappointment on her face. “But I’m sure you’ll not be short of partners. You really do look beautiful.”
I all but fled from Kitty’s company, looking around the room desperately in an attempt to find someone I recognised who wouldn’t protest me forcing my way into their conversation. What on earth had I been thinking, wanting to go to this ball because of Kitty? We could not dance together. Nothing could ever happen. She would never even want it to. Only bad repercussions came of this sort of thing.
Not wanting to be left to navigate the ballroom alone, I searched for Elizabeth amongst the crowd. Instead, I found the gazes of half a dozen men watching me and whispering to their companions. I withered under the attention. My dress and makeup felt all too overdone.
