“If we’re talking about supermodel status, which judging from the amount my sister spoke aboutVoguegrowing up, I should already have known,” he said, “perhaps I should be asking why you felt you wanted to hide it from me. If you’re a big deal, you should be proud. If I made you feel like you had to lie?—”
“No that’s not it.” My hand found his. “I thought, if you didn’t already know, maybe it was better. I liked that you didn’t have this preconceived idea of me, and when I told you I modelled, you didn’t judge or tell me my job is useless. You got excited, and that was more than enough.”
“I get it. That’s why it’s not a problem.” His words lifted a weight I hadn’t known I was carrying, and my heart felt immediately lighter, a comfort for which I was grateful in face of the messy situation I’d found myself in. “I mean, I might actually Google you now.”
I pressed both hands against my face, almost groaning at the thought.Nothingcould be worse. All those late nights stumbling out of Isabelle’s; rail-thin, pupils blown wide, clutching a packet of cigarettes like my life depending on it. There’d be no erasing the damning tabloids once he saw them. I wouldn’t be the woman he’d chatted up in a bar. Instead, I’d become all the worst things one human could write about another. I’d become the gritty pictures, the slanderous gossip, the cutthroat headlines.
And, worse yet, most of it was true.
Even if he understood my side of things, that this was my past, there would be a before he knew and an after. There’d be no erasing that version of me once he saw her.
“I won’t, if you don’t want me to,” Jonah added, one of his hands wrapping around my waist, pulling my chest against his.
I rested my head there, breathing in his comforting scent. “I just…I like being Kit. Just me, not the model.”
“Supermodel,” he corrected. I winced at his words. “You don’t owe me any explanation. Not anything more than what you want.”
The surprise leaked into my voice, my hands linking around his waist. “It’s okay?”
“It’s more than,” he said. “You trusted me not to be a serial killer. I think I can have faith in you too.”
I laughed dryly. “I didn’t really think you were a serial killer.”
“It did take a lot of convincing to get you in the car.”
“I was trying to be smart. You know, after accidentally getting myself stranded in the middle of nowhere.”
A horn went off behind us, and I lifted my head to watch people group at the shoreline. Some were stripped down to only swimming costumes, others were dressed up like Santa and a few as popular cartoon characters, all in the name of a charity they were sponsoring.
“Ready to get wet?” Jonah wiggled his eyebrows. I let him pull me across the busy beach, finding a spot where we could pull off the clothes covering our swimming costumes, before standing hand in hand at the shore, looking out towards the depths of the freezing loch.
“I can’t believe you’re making me do this,” I said, my teeth chattering as we joined the crowd.
“It will be fun,” he said, as my bare feet began to sink into the cold sand, a chill running through my body.
I looked around the crowd, everyone counting down the final moments until we could get this over with. “I can’t wait to make you eat your words,” I grumbled, as somebody with a megaphone began the countdown, the crowd joining in around us. As they reached one, Jonah’s hand squeezed tightly against mine before dragging me into the water.
The shocking temperature of the water chased away any and all thoughts from my brain, overwhelming my body as the shock of the cold permeated down to my bones. I would’ve turned and run if it wasn’t for Jonah dragging me, deeper and deeper, until we were both at waist height. My heart raced in my chest, thumping quickly as adrenaline began to course through my veins.
“Be brave, Kit!” he urged, his gaze catching on mine.
I didn’t want to be brave. I wanted to run back to shore and find the nearest fire and throw myself in. That felt like the only way I would ever experience true warmth again.
But his words sparked me into action. All the times I’d been too afraid; all the things I’d lost because I couldn’t believe in myself. How I let the arseholes in my industry use my body however they needed. How I’d hidden from the tabloids, letting them shame me, selling and exploiting my youth and weakness.
How I’d let Matteo walk all over me and take the only real thing in my life.
I realized that I wanted all of that to stop. That I needed to take control. And somehow, this was supposed to be that. Washing away the past years, finding a fresh version of myself to take into the new.
With that in mind, I pushed forward, thrashing further into the water, his fingers interlaced with mine as I walked ahead of him, swimming out until the water was up past my chest.
“You did it!” he shouted, his face etched with pride and joy.
Stepping closer to him, I could feel his body heat radiating through the water, drawing me closer.
I managed a wobbly smile, looking out around the crowd as I began to shiver almost violently. “I did,” I managed, pressing my lips to his cheek. “Now please carry me out of this water. I think my legs have frozen off.”
fourteen
