It hurt to hear her speak of another man she’d loved. But it hurt more knowing the life she deserved was ripped from her so cruelly. By my own people. Not that I’d ever attack an innocent village for drunken entertainment and selfish gain. It was Caesar’s leadership that encouraged such criminal debauchery.
“You miss him,” I stated gently. Painfully.
“Of course I do.”
“You still love him,” I added, knowing it was true.
“Always.” She remained quiet, while I swallowed the realization that the fates had been cruel to me as well. The sisters of destiny had chosen for me a woman more beautiful than the stars and just as unreachable.
She peered up at the half-moon again before finally saying, “Thegirl I was will always love him. But I’m not her anymore. I am an entirely new person, forged in the fires of loss, grief, pain… of Rome.”
Exhaling a breath of resignation, I told her, “This new person who you are is stronger. A survivor. You’ll make it out of here, Lela, and you’ll form a new life all your own.” The timbre of my voice had gone deep and husky. Not with the beast inside me—he’d remained silent, distant—but with determination. “I promise you that I will get you out of this city so you can choose your own path.”
Immediately, I stood and walked away, unable to bear the look of hope and relief on her face, knowing that path would lead her far away from me.
XVIIILELA
We were yet again moving through the dark, but this time we were traveling in the privacy of Trajan’s litter. It was cushioned with silky blue fabric and pillowed benches. There were extra pillows against the seatback for comfort.
I’d dressed in the loose-fitting peplos that draped off one shoulder and slit high on both thighs. I’d also worn my hair down and added heavy makeup to my face, eyes lined with thick kohl, which Koskahad procured for me. Costumed as Trajan’s prostitute for the night, I was ushered into the litter by veil of darkness so that his litter-bearers only saw a glimpse of me, their gazes on my body more than my face.
“They won’t wonder why you’re taking a prostitute to a noblewoman’s house?” I asked.
He’d been avoiding me the last few days, ever since the night of the triumph and our rather unusual conversation. I’d never expected him to be so forthright with me. Trajan had a lot of secrets, but he’d confided in me about his parents, about his fears for his sisters, and it had struck me to the heart.
I’d never imagined a Roman, especially a powerful Sapphirus tribune, to fear the emperor and his men the way I did. I hadn’t expected to share such a similarity with a dragon. It was both surprising and strangely comforting. I understood now that he was truly in this battle against Caesar and his ilk not for more power or because he was blindly following his friend, the traitor general, but for his sisters.
That, I could understand. I could sympathize with. If I could’ve saved my sisters, I would have risked death myself. I never understood why my magic hadn’t manifested the night of the attack. It should have. I should have been able to use my gift to save my family. Bunica had always told me that I and my sisters would save the world.
My family was my world. Now, they were gone. How could Bunica have been so utterly wrong? She’d always been so wise, her sight so clear, except when it came to this. It made no sense to me.
“You think it strange that a nobleman would bring a prostitute to another woman’s house?” asked Trajan, dragging me back to the present.
In the semidarkness of the litter, only one oil lamp lit on my side, he seemed… dangerous. But in a way that excited rather than frightened me. His voice was a sonorous caress, his blue eyes glittering likea wild predator. It reminded me of the wolves when they’d circle the woods of our village, looking for a young goat or lamb to steal away into the night.
“I don’t know,” I finally answered. “Valerius never did so.”
He clenched his jaw at the mention of my former master. He always did.
“Even so,” he added, “Romans are known for their…”
He seemed lost at the moment, his gaze roving my face and throat then lower to my bare shoulder, where the draping folds of the peplos hung loosely.
“Promiscuity?” I offered.
“Experimentation,” he corrected.
“I see.”
Suddenly, Trajan frowned and leaned toward the opening, peering out through the slit of the drapes. At the same time, a man outside said,“Stop,”in an authoritative manner. The litter stopped moving.
Without saying a word, Trajan reached across, gripped me by the waist, and then pulled me onto his lap.
“Forgive me,” he whispered. “Play along and straddle me.”
I did, while he fisted a hand in my unbound hair, his face close to mine.
He tugged the strap of the peplos down my arm, nearly baring one of my breasts, and hiked my skirt up my thighs. Quickly, he maneuvered his own tunic up his thighs so that we were both in a semblance of undress.
