For a few seconds, all of Zoe’s easy charm had flickered, like a brownout—the corners of her mouth turning down, her cheeks paling, her gaze falling immediately to her plate.
“Let’s not get into that here,” I’d said, my only attempt, this whole miserable day, at rescuing her from something unpleasant. And my reward had been a sharp look from Lorraine, sad eyes from Paul, and a projectile pizza crust sent over by Little Tommy. I’m a hit with thekids, I guess.
We’re supposed to be making a quick change for the night hike, more layers for the chillier evening weather, but the minute we cross the threshold into the cabin, I tell her.
“I think you ought to stayhere tonight.”
From where she stands at the sink, washing her hands, she turns her head toward me. “I feel fine. I don’t know how many times you want to hear it. The faintingwas a one-off.”
“It’s not that,” I say, staying near the door. “Ineed a break.”
“Twelve hours engaged and you’re already looking for theescape hatch?”
“Not looking for an escape hatch. It’s like I said. I need a break. I’m not used to putting on a performance like that.”
“And it shows,” she snaps, shaking her wet hands over the sink,one, two, threeflicks of her fingers, sharp and precise. Here, she’s the Zoe I met that first day. She’s not the friend-to-everyone charmer she’s been since lunch.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I’ve spent the day engaged to Groot.”
What the fuck is Groot,I’m thinking, but before I have a chance to ask, she says, “Surprise, you never go to the movies, either. Jeez, I expected to do most of the talking, but this…”
I’ve tried to keep my temper all day, but right here, right now, I’ve had it. Had it with being around her, had it with how much better she’s doing at this than I am, this thing that’s on me, that’s so important to me and my family. “Hard to get a word in edgewise,” I say, and she straightens, crossing her armsover her chest.
“Don’t do that.” In her voice is something like a warning, something I heard once before, back in my driveway. “That wasn’t easy for me.”
“I told you to be yourself, not Miss America, for fuck’s sake.”
“Keep up, Aiden. Val is Miss America.I’mthe suck-up trying to cover for her asshole fiancé.”
“I’m not trying tobe an asshole.”
I’m not trying, but I’m succeeding. I can feel it coming off me like a bad smell. I’ve tried to sound placating, apologetic, but I know it hasn’t come out that way. This is why I need to get out of here. This is why I need a break. If Ahmed and Charlie could see me now, they’d know all their suspicions about this idea have been confirmed. It was a mistake. I’m not up to it.
“If I’m doing something wrong, you need to—”
“I need to go,” I say. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. All right?” I ask it like a question, like I want her permission, but in the end I turn and leave without waiting, closing the door behind me, the second time today. In the fading light I walk to the trailhead on the western side of the camp, for the first time realizing I’ve forgotten to put on any extra layers, have forgotten my flashlight. I could go back—there’s still plenty of time—but I don’t want to risk another confrontation with Zoe. I’m an asshole, a chickenshit, a liar, every terrible thing, and if it feels this bad now, I won’t make it another five weekends. I’m going to tell her when I get back: this is off. I’ll tell the others we had a fight. It won’t be a stretch for anyone to buy it, the way she and I have been acting.
“You’re early,” says Lorraine, startling me. She’s leaning against the wooden post that marks the trailhead, her lantern resting at her feet. “You’re not dressed right, either. You know better.”
Damn. I’m here to make a bid on her business, but Lorraine obviously still thinks of me as the eight-year-old she first met me as.“Where’s Paul?”
“He and Tom and Val are staying back with the kids at the lodge tonight. I’m not saying it’s about Tom’s fear of the dark, but I’m notnotsaying it, either. Where’s Zoe?”
“She decided to turn inearly,” I lie.
“Does that have something to do with you?”
“Yes.” Because I can’t tell one more tonight, especially not to Lorraine.
She’s quiet for a minute, tipping her head back to the sky, where the moon’s just starting to shine. “I’ve been married to Paul a long time,” she says. “That’s what a fight looks like between us too, though usually it’s the other way around. I’m too quiet, and he triesto compensate.”
“You know me, Lorraine,” I say, rubbing a hand over my hair. “I’ve never been much of a talker.”
“You were never sullen or difficult, either.”
“Lorraine, I—”
