“Kind of how I can see you making eyes at that mid-century pendant light,” Ben had said.“It’d go great in your foyer.” Then hewinkedat me. And it didn’t even feel sleazy or awkward. It felt the same as pretty much everything else Ben did, which meant that it felt charming and sweet and more arousing than it had any right to.
It was easy to be friends with Ben. That was the problem—he made you feel so welcome, as if nothing at all was an inconvenience or an intrusion or a waste of time, even though I could tell he had his hands full with his dad and the salvage yard. When I’d called him yesterday to tell him I wanted to buy that pendant light, he’d offered to bring it over to my house later, once he’d taken his dad to PT. I’d demurred, making my spin class excuse, but the truth was, I’d really wanted him to come over. I didn’t even really care if he had an ulterior motive at that point—I’d just wanted toseehim.
I was right now wearing the purple sweatshirt, for crying out loud. Because it stillsmelledlike him.
There’s a loud knock on my partially open door, and I jump in my seat, quickly closing the browser window. It’s Akeelah, one of Dr. Wagner’s graduate students, her brown eyes wide and frantic. As soon as I see her face, my senses awaken to the dim register of the microscope’s warning alarm from down the hall.
“Dammit,” I say, and hustle down the hall after her.
Five minutes later, and I’m standing next to the Titan, my hands on my hips, my shoulders slouched in frustration.“Well. Someone’s definitely dumped the column.”
“It was Akeelah,” says Todd, Dr. Wagner’s other grad student, andugh. Fucking Todd.
I give him a wary look.“Are you guys running this experiment together?”
“Yes, but…” Todd begins, but I cut him off.
“It was both of you, then. Get a grip, Todd. You know better than that. You’re on the same team.” Akeelah is looking at Todd in such total surprise that I’m almost sure he’s responsible for this, but it’s not my job to get in the middle here. I’ll try to talk to Akeelah later, when Todd isn’t around—I’ve been in her shoes, surrounded by mostly male faculty, mostly male students, and you learn some pretty hard lessons about the way things operate.
I lean in and have another look—I’m guessing someone impatient took out the sample rod without fully closing the ball valve. I’m probably going to have to take apart the chamber, realign the valve and door, and put it back together. Then I’ll have to go through the pretty tedious cleaning procedure for the column. It’ll be a day or two of work to do the repair, and a day on either side to get the microscope shut down and restarted. I let out a gusty sigh. I’d hoped to get in here myself this weekend for some scans, but that’s not going to happen now.
“Dr. Wagner needs these results by tomorrow,” Todd says, his tone impatient.
“Not going to happen,” I say. There’s no way to do this work more quickly. If Todd paid attention to anything about the scopes, he’d know this.
“We could use the Tecnai,” says Akeelah, referring to one of our other imaging microscopes.“We don’t really need something so high resolution.” I give her a grateful smile. Akeelah is smart, flexible, a quick thinker. She’s been here since she was an undergraduate, and I trained her on most of these microscopes.
“Or we could get a faster lab tech,” murmurs Todd, his arms crossed over his chest.
Nope, I think.Nope to this guy.
“Out,” I snap, pointing to the door.“You’re out, Todd. Your colleague has given you a good idea to solve your problem. I’d suggest you listen to her. I’m sorry you’re frustrated, but I run the show down here, and I’m going to spend my next two work days solving a problem you caused. If you think I’m not doing my job, you can talk to Dr. Wagner about it.”
It’s sad, but I’m used to the Todds of the world. He’s as smart as anyone who’s managed to make it into a doctoral program in a pretty specialized field, but he’s way too self-congratulatory about it for his own good, and he doesn’t have any respect for what makes the knowledge in his field possible. He doesn’t respect the equipment, or the people who keep it running. He’s flippant and disdainful when it comes to reviewing the work of people who have come long before him. If I’m being honest, before I’d met Ben Tucker, it was the Todds of the world who I pictured as working at places like Beaumont.
Todd shuffles out, and Akeelah stays behind for a minute to say her apologies, which I appreciate, but it’s unnecessary. I get it—stuff happens when you’re running experiments, and even though I’m frustrated about how this might derail my schedule, fixing the scopes is part of my job, and I don’t mind the work. And Todd can go complain to Dr. Wagner if he wants. I know I’ve earned the respect and admiration of every faculty member here. I know they need me.
But damn if I don’t think, for a split second, about those pictures on my email.
* * * *
When I go after work to pick up my new light, I’m feeling a bit defensive, a bit off my game. Wagner did come down to the microscope later, and though he clearly didn’t buy Todd’s version of things, he did ask whether there was any way I could speed up the process. Dr. Singh, too, was stressed about the repair, especially since it was possible I was going to have to reorder a part. The budget was already a little out of control for this month.
I’d tried to calm both of their concerns, but today had been one of those days that was more losses than wins, and I don’t want to be going to see Ben with that attitude. I don’t want him to pick up on my weakness, or fear, or whatever it is that’s made me think too much about his offer.
The salvage yard is pretty quiet when I arrive, only a couple of cars in the lot, and inside Henry is standing—standing!—behind the display cases, laying out what I think are porcelain water tap handles on a piece of felt for a customer who’s looking carefully at each one. I give him a goofy, excited thumbs-up to see him standing, and he smiles, a bit crooked the way Ben does, giving a little lift to the cane he’s holding in one hand so that I can see. Ben is nowhere in sight, but Henry must see me looking around, because he gestures over his shoulder to where the office is, waving me back. I feel a little honored to be invited back there, like I’m part of the inner sanctum around here, not any old drop-in shopper. I sort of want to gloat in front of the random customer, but he doesn’t even glance up at me.
I was in this office once before, for that frantic moment the day Ben caught River, but now I’m able to take the whole space in. It’s really only an office in the barest sense of the word. There’s a desk with a computer and three big file cabinets lining the wall behind it, but mostly the large, open space is dominated by a workbench with tools hanging from a pegboard that’s mounted on the wall. Off to the side is an old, avocado-colored refrigerator, and there’s a small round dining table where Ben and River are sitting, hunched over a book.
“Hi,” I say, and Ben looks up at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiles.
“Thank God you’re here,” he says, and just like that, I don’t really feel all that defensive.
Not so for River, though, who finally acknowledges my presence by looking in my direction and fixing me with a stare that seems to say,way to crash the party, lady.I know exactly what Ben means when he says River makes him feel old, because jeez, that look. This is the first time I’m seeing him since the bricks incident, and while Ben and Henry said he was getting along better, getting the hang of things pretty quickly, none of that progress shows in his appearance, which is as slouchy and sullen as it was before.
I walk over to the table and stick out my hand for him to shake.“I’m Kit.” He doesn’t shake my hand right away, just looks over at Ben, as though for permission.
“River,” Ben says, nudging him. I notice he waits for River to look at him before he speaks again.“I told you about Kit. She can help you with this.”
