As he choked out the last word, he dropped his chin. Fought for control.
And waited for her to retract her hand the instant she came to the same conclusion he had after the accident. That he’d been selfish. That if he’d powered through his fatigue at home as he often did on the job, Elizabeth and Jonathan would still be here. After all, he couldn’t expect Cara to absolve him on the spot when it had taken him years to begin to question the extent of his culpability.
Yet as the seconds ticked by, the warmth of Cara’s hand continued to seep into his skin.
When he at last looked up, her face reflected sympathy and compassion, not recrimination.
As hope stirred in his heart, he took a steadying breath. May as well give voice to the guilt that dogged his steps. “Ever since the accident, I’ve been blaming myself for what happened. For putting my own needs before the needs of my family.”
“I don’t see it that way.” She shook her head, no hint of censure in her quiet, firm tone. “You were exhausted. You assessed the situation and did what you felt was appropriate. Your wife did the same. You both made decisions you thought were reasonable. At this stage, there’s no way to know who was right or how a different scenario would have played out, or what really happened on the road.”
“But Idoknow the outcome. And for years I believed that if I’d been with them, no one would have died. I can drive the roads around here in my sleep. I wouldn’t have missed that curve.”
“You can’t know that for sure.” She leaned toward him, posture intent, demeanor earnest. “Maybe your wife didn’t get disoriented. It’s possible a deer darted in front of her and she tried to avoid it. The same could have happened if you were behind the wheel. If fatigue had dulled your reflexes, you could have ended up in the ditch too. It’s all second-guessing at this point.” She gentled her voice. “Besides, blaming yourself for what happened won’t bring them back.”
He swallowed. Rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve been slowly coming to the same conclusion. And I heard a similar message from my chief deputy not long ago. But he didn’t know all the details I told you. No one does.”
The pressure of her hand increased, confirming she’d grasped the significance of his admission. “I’m honored you shared them with me.”
“Can I be honest? I almost didn’t. I was afraid you might be shocked and want nothing more to do with me.”
“Do youwantme to have more to do with you?”
At her direct question, he did a double take.
A wry smile curved her lips. “See? There I go again, being too direct. I suppose that could be one of the reasons I have very few dates.”
“I can’t speak for other guys, but I prefer a woman who’s upfront and doesn’t play games. The answer to your question is—”
“Sorry to interrupt, Sheriff.”
As Natalie’s cousin spoke, Brad angled toward the path.
Could the man’s timing have been any worse?
Steven’s gaze flicked to their connected hands, and Cara retracted hers.
“No problem.” Brad rose as Steven approached.
“Natalie asked if you’d stop in again before you leave. I believe she has a question about the golf cart you’re arranging.”
“I have to get back to work anyway.” Cara stood and edgedtoward the door of the cottage. “Why don’t you walk back to the house with Steven?”
He couldn’t fault her suggestion. There was no justification to linger.
But he didn’t intend to leave with her question hanging in the air between them.
“That works.” First, though, he turned to face her. He wasn’t taking any chances she’d miss his response. “The answer is yes.”
A becoming flush rose on her cheeks, and she gave him a smile as warm as a toasty fire on a cold winter day.
Then she slipped inside and shut the door.
After a moment, he pivoted and walked with Steven back to the house, responding to the man’s chitchat on autopilot, his heart lighter than it had been in a very long while.
There was no guarantee the new, tentative relationship he was building with Cara would go anywhere, of course.
If nothing else, however, her presence in his life right now was like a bright ray of sun, illuminating the darkest corners of his soul. Nudging him to deal once and for all with the guilt he’d been slowly working through.
