Ilena
Two MonthsBeforethe Outing
Ilena made the same promise she always did: She would never turn into her mother. Then, in a well-practiced move, she bunched the fabric of her dress in one hand, held the plastic stick in the other, and squatted over the toilet. She closed her eyes, trying to summon the hope she couldn’t let herself feel even though this time was different. This time she was actually late.
Please, just... please.
She set a tissue on the sink and the pregnancy stick on top of it. She checked her watch and opened the bottom drawer of the vanity where a dozen more tests waited. She fully believed in science. Flawless manufacturing, not so much. Taking a second test wasn’t unreasonable, a third if she noticed a weakness in the packaging or slight discoloration of the plastic.
“Ilena!” Jonah bellowed from somewhere on the first floor.
She pressed her hip into the edge of the vanity.
“Where are your car keys?” Jonah’s voice grew louder as footsteps hit the stairs. “Is the wine still in the back or—”
His words became muffled as he reached the top of the staircase and presumably entered their bedroom, where he expected to find her.
She crossed her arms, her index finger tapping her elbows.Come on, come on.
Then the door to their guest bathroom burst open.
“Jonah!” Ilena cried. “I’m in here!”
“But why?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe for a little privacy?”
“Then lock the door.”
“Knock.”
“You’re late,” he said.
Her heart lifted that he knew, that he was calculating it too.
“Or we’re late, whatever. Of course this whole thing shouldn’t sit on your shoulders even though you are the one who offered to host. Everyone’s due in five minutes, and the table’s not set, and I can’t find the wine to decant the red, and—”
“I forgot.”
“Forgot what? The wine?”
She hugged her arms tighter, dread building that couldn’t be good for the baby, and oh my god, she really thought there was a baby. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “It’s just, AIM was intense today. The valuation is soaring, and I needed to—”
“What? You needed to what?” Jonah pushed himself through the doorway and looked down. “Dammit, Ilena, again?”
“It’s not what you think. This time I’m—”
“Having a hunch, feeling nauseous, got a sore right boob, sore left boob, the moon’s full, the moon’s not full—”
“That’s not fair.”
“Neither is this.”
“Me forgetting a case of wine? If you weren’t so preciousabout yourWine Spectator‘Bottle of the Year’ and all the other bottles you’re laying down or holding for a special occasion, we wouldn’t need me to run out the day of.”
“That’s not what I meant. I meantthis.” He jutted a finger at the drawer full of pregnancy tests. His eyes briefly squeezed shut, and the tension in his voice ebbed. “We used to love this. We used to love doing this together.”
They did, though Ilena always thought she needed Jonah more than the other way around. Jonah reached for everything. Every place and every person was an opportunity. He chatted up strangers like each held the chance to become their new best friend, on planes, in grocery stores, in line for the bathroom during the intermission ofHamilton. It almost got them into a couple swap on vacation in Mexico, but it made things memorable. The same way the random things he’d sneak onto her shopping list would make her descend into giggles in the frozen food aisle: “turtle eggs” and “DVD of insect porn” and “bin large enough for a dead body.”
