“You’re not allowed to talk to Lakshmi anymore.”
“You were more upset than I’ve seen you over a guy when you came back from Cayucos. You may have had one night with him, but you liked him, and he betrayed you, extenuating circumstances or not. It’s normal to have been hurt. It’s normal to want to know what happened, and to be relieved when you find out it wasn’t about you.”
The sympathy in Katrina’s demeanor should have warmed Rhiannon, but it made her want to claw her skin off. There was nobody in the world who knew as much about her life as Katrina did, and most days, that was fine. She needed one confidante who could be there for her 100 percent.
But being vulnerable wasn’t easy for her. Her sense of vulnerability was compounded by the layer of shame she felt over bolting from the party. And again from the interview.
Weakness. Weakness on top of weakness. “I was fine. I’m fine now.” Rhiannon picked up their plates and utensils and carried them to the sink. She rinsed them off and put them in the dishwasher.
“I know your rules when it comes to guys, and I know why you have those rules in place. Sometimes rules don’t apply to every situation.”
After a couple of moments of silence, Katrina blew out a breath. “Okay. I’ll be in my office if you want to talk.”
Rhiannon finished putting away the dishes and carefully washed her hands. A romantic? Hurt? Her? No.
So why did you run away from him?
Because she’d wanted to. She didn’t have to explain herself to anyone! No one would blame her for running away from a zombie, five-time orgasm deliverer or not.
Rhiannon had about a million other things to do, but she found herself wandering down the hallway to Katrina’s office. She hovered in the doorway. The light bounced off Katrina’s shiny light brown hair when she lifted her head from the gold wire spread out over her desk. “Fine. I was hurt.”
Katrina sat back in her chair. Her workroom was in another corner of the house, but she tinkered with metal and stones wherever inspiration struck her. “I know.”
“You would have talked to him? Given him a chance to explain?” Rhiannon asked. Her throat felt rough, the words pulled out of her.
“Probably.” Katrina tipped her head at the armchair opposite her.
Rhiannon came in and perched on the edge of it. “Why? You know the stats, as well as I do.”
Katrina squinted at her. “Imagine I went out with a date one night. It was really good. We made plans for a second date. And then, before I could go on that date, I had a panic attack, one of my incapacitating ones, and I stood him up. For whatever reason, I couldn’t immediately contact him, but I managed to track him down after a few months. Should he hear me out? Should he give me the benefit of the doubt?”
Rhiannon ran her tongue over her teeth. Katrina knew very well what Rhiannon would say to that, but then again,she was always on Katrina’s side. “Okay. I see where you’re going with this.”
“Sometimes, good people make mistakes. It costs you nothing to hear someone out.”
“No. It does cost you something.” Because if you believed that person when you heard them out, and then they betrayed you, you ended up doubly hurt. Easier to give people one shot.
Katrina rose from her chair, walked around the desk, and sat in the seat next to Rhiannon’s. “I misspoke. You’re right, no one is entitled to your time and energy and forgiveness.” She grasped Rhiannon’s hands and pressed them tight, well aware of how much Rhiannon liked pressure against her skin. “You’d never believe someone blindly, and I’m not telling you to. But you can believe with evidence.”
Rhiannon lifted one shoulder. “Okay. Fine. I do feel relieved I didn’t totally misjudge him. And I feel... kinda bad for him. So what? What does any of this mean or change? Do I go see him now and let him explain himself?” As soon as she uttered the words, a terrifying sense of rightness settled over her.
“Would that make you feel better? If he wants to apologize, if there’s an excuse he can give you that would lessen your hurt, you can let him. You don’t need to take him back or date him—”
“I don’t date anyway,” Rhiannon reminded Katrina hastily.
“Right.” But there was still a hopeful light in her friend’s eyes that made Rhiannon nervous. “I’m just saying, do whatever will make you feel better. And if that’s never talking to this dude again, fine, I will not say another word. I only want you to be happy and healthy.”
Rhiannon swallowed. She momentarily shoved aside her defenses and let her vulnerability peek through. “I think I want to see him again, but not for an apology, necessarily.”
“Then why?”
She whispered the words, like she was confessing a deep dark secret. “I ran away from him.”
“What?”
Rhiannon exhaled. “I ran away from him. I freaked out when I saw him at the conference and I ran away. Twice.”
“That’s okay.”
