He lifted his head. “Did it work? Am I out of your system?”
“Am I out of yours?” she countered.
Instead of responding, his hand left the table and skimmed over her hip, barely touching her. Long, strong fingers pressed against the strip of flesh bared between her pants and her bustier. Unable to stop herself, she gave one shimmy of her hips, gasping at the burst of pleasure that ran through her as his cock dragged over her clit.
You were going to stop, she thought, with no small amount of despair.Don’t do this to yourself. This isn’t healthy.
She took his lust because it was all she couldhave of him. She knew how this would end, and still, part of her brain wanted it.
“How is it still like this?” he muttered, incredulous. His index finger inched under her top, and she ground up against him again, their breaths coming faster. His head lowered, and she lifted hers, waiting for him to kiss her. Needing something to hold on to, she clasped his forearms, one bare, the other still covered by his shirt.
The second her skin touched his, he jerked like he’d been scalded. Nicholas straightened, separating their bodies so fast she had to grab the table for balance. “No. I can’t.”
What?
No.
“I can’t do this.” He took a giant step away. “We can’t do this.”
She was cold. Colder than she’d been in a while. “I’m not the one who sought you out.”
“I know.” He ran his hand through his ruthlessly clipped hair. She bet those thick brown strands never disobeyed him. Even in his agitation, they only appeared slightly mussed. “But this isn’t what I came here for.”
“Could have fooled me.” She lifted a shoulder, pretending a blasé attitude she didn’t feel. “You still clearly want me.” And as much as she knew she shouldn’t be happy about that, she couldn’t prevent a trickle of joy.
His head moved slowly from side to side. “I’m seeing someone.”
She stared at him, the words pushing through her brain one by one. They made no sense at first. Her body was still clamoring for attention and hungry for his touch.
Then, unfortunately, comprehension came. And with it, a new kind of pain. She opened her mouth, but no sound emerged.
She’d never assumed he was celibate when they were apart. She wasn’t.
She was commitment shy. She didn’t want to be tied down. A relationship would make her nomadic lifestyle difficult.
Those were the things she’d told herself for why she only sought out casual hookups with other men over the years, until even those lost interest.
The real, dysfunctional, fucked-up reason? It was hard to maintain a relationship when half your attention was on the few hours you might steal in another person’s arms.
When they were together, they’d both been single. That had been part of the agreement, set that first time.One night. No one will know.
Don’t bother coming if you’re with someone.
Nausea roiled through her stomach. She hadn’t contacted him because she’d decided she needed to move on with her life. Funny how she hadn’t really thought about how that meant he’d be moving on too.
She had to clear her throat twice to speak. “Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.”
“Livvy—”
“It’s cool.” She had to find another word. “Great.Awesome.” No, that was going too far. “Like I said, I’ll be leaving soon.” She imagined the world beyond this shop. She wished she felt excitement instead of weariness at the thought of setting out into it again. “Forget I’m here. Don’t get any tattoos.”
Livvy couldn’t watch as he moved away after a pregnant pause and gathered his jacket, or when he hesitated at that curtain. “It’s not serious. Me and her.”
The burst of joy she felt at that news terrified her, second only to the fear that she didn’t know if it would matter if Nicholas was serious about this mysterious woman. Even if he told her he was engaged and then opened his arms to her, would she be able to resist him? “Don’t care. None of my business. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
The blood in her veins turned to ice. Oh God. No. She couldn’t let him see how not fine she was.
