“Alex.” She closed her eyes in an effort to compose herself. “I…I think I could love you very easily. But I can’t just give up everything I’ve pledged myself to. I’m sorry.” The words cost her. With him around, she’d started to really believe she didn’t need to do penance for the rest of her life. Once he left, though, it would be tougher to rationalize.
He waited to speak until she opened her eyes. His expression was a mix of anger and resignation. “This isn’t about being a part of the real world. We could work something out.”
How could they? Still she knew if he was given half the chance, he would turn his life upside down for her. He was so damn noble. She had to be the one who was thinking with the brain instead of the heart. “Your mom and brother are waiting for you, aren’t they?”
He frowned at the reminder and stood immediately. She would have felt guilty about knowing exactly what would worry him most if she wasn’t so heartsick. “I’ll come back…” he began, in a quiet tone.
She looked over at the knot of deputies, catching the same young guy making the sign to ward off evil. The little man paled when he noted her watching him. “No. Please. I don’t want you to. There’s no way it could ever work between us. I can’t see you in that town without making myself miserable and you can’t come here and still be happy.” Sensing his wavering, she brought out the big guns, real tears welling in her eyes. “Please…please don’t hurt me more by coming back here and showing me what I can’t have.”
He opened his mouth, only to close it and swallow hard. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. “No. No, I’ll never hurt you.” He stuck out his hand, and feeling a bit surreal, she grasped and shook it. “Thank you for everything. I’ll…I’ll never forget it.”
He turned around, whistled to the other men. With varying degrees of speculation and looks of fear leveled at her, they climbed into their cars and started to make their way out of the snowy land.
Genevieve sat on her porch for a while after they left. It was cold and damp, the wet plank floor seeping into her jeans to freeze her butt, but she couldn’t go inside and face the aching loneliness of her small cabin.
For the first time in three years, she understood an inkling of what her mother must have felt. Sacrificing to protect someone you loved from themselves hurt like hell.
But sometimes there just wasn’t any other choice.
16
Three weekslater
“Folks, get your snow gear ready, ’cause we have a doozy of a storm heading our way—” The announcer’s voice was cut off as Genevieve hit the dial on her brand-new HD radio. The thing had been dropped on her doorstep yesterday, the latest in a series of presents.
It joined the ranks of a brand-new shortwave radio, a prepaid cell phone that received amazing coverage even out here, a case of ammunition, brand-new pots and pans, a box full of gourmet canned foods, and—her favorite—a box of lacy lingerie, the exact same brand she’d loved to wear in her old life.
The gifts had started showing up in the middle of the night twenty-four hours after she’d sent Alex packing. She’d cried over the shortwave, the first one, knowing it was a gesture to show how concerned he was over her safety. Then, a few days later, she’d gone out in the morning to find the next one.
There was no rhyme or reason to how he was staggering them out, or what his point was. That he could make her life easier? Maybe. That he was up to the task of protecting her? Probably. That he was thinking of her? Absolutely.
And she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Everything in her home screamed his name, from her bed to the shower to the kitchen. She couldn’t get away from it. Nor did she really want to. She wanted him back. In her life. In her bed.
God, yes, in her bed. Who said love couldn’t start from good old animal attraction? She stared into the fire and curled her legs deeper underneath her in the armchair.
The fact that he was coming so physically close to her to leave her the little presents was driving her crazy too. Though she might have to wait a while for another visit. The forecaster had confirmed what the little flurries she’d noticed while eating dinner had told her.
The thump on her porch had her heart jumping in her throat before she darted a glance at her wristwatch. It was dark, but barely nine. Besides, Alex had never made any noise before.
A bit nervous, she crossed to her bureau to remove her handgun before she walked to her window, twitched the curtain aside, hit the light and peered outside.
A box. A large brown box sat on her porch. And it was…moving?
Intrigued, she opened her door to hear a plaintive howl come from inside the thing.
She had her suspicions and they were confirmed when she opened the flaps to find a tiny golden puppy staring up at her and shivering. Mostly lab, she guessed, though there was definitely some pure mutt running through his veins.
The pup mewled again, and she couldn’t take it. As she reached in to pick him up, he went into a frenzy of excitement, his small body wriggling, the heat of his heart warming her hands. She brought him up to stare into his deep eyes. The poor guy just about stroked out trying to reach her nose with his tongue. “A radio, I understand. What’s your practical purpose?”
“He doesn’t have one.”
Even though she was half expecting it, she jumped as Alex stepped onto the porch. He looked tired and…hot. She realized she was seeing him fully dressed for the first time, and wasn’t that a kicker? His jeans fit him perfectly, a battered leather jacket hiding the rest of him.
“I figured you had enough practical gifts. You needed something unpractical.”
“Impractical.”
His dimple, that beloved dimple, winked. “That too. Anyway, I couldn’t come up with anything more impractical than that goofy mutt.”
