Her eyes were shadowed, her gaze steady. “I don’t care about the cabin or the money in my account. I love my horse.”
His poor brain tried to make sense of her convoluted female logic, but he was tired and strung out. Fortunately, she continued to speak. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I’m sorry, and I want to apologize.”
His heart melted. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. You were tense.”
“It wasn’t nice. The truth is, if I had met you a few years ago, I would have said you were my dream man. You’re so perfect and gentle and kind.”
As nice as it sounded he had to interject. “I’m hardly perfect. You want to know why I was in such a bad mood? ’Cause I’m terrified I won’t be able to protect you.”
She paused. “What?”
“When you said you were lucky because you had me here…I’m no one you want on your team. After my partner died, the reason I couldn’t return to work was because of the flashbacks. Hell, I could barely leave my apartment. I’d hear a car backfiring, or hear someone who sounded the slightest bit like Jerry, and I’d crumble.”
“Post-traumatic stress disorder,” she murmured.
“Yeah. Only I knew I couldn’t get diagnosed, or I’d have a tough time working anywhere in law enforcement. So I pretended I was okay, faked my way through therapy and my brother did his best to find me a job where I wouldn’t have to deal with anything that would set me off.”
He knew that the shame he felt was written all over his face. “I really thought I was getting better. But when I heard those gunshots outside? I froze. Flat-out froze, even though I knew you must be out there and in danger.”
“That’s understandable.”
“No. It’s not. What kind of a cop am I? Hell, what kind of a man am I?”
“I think you’re a very good man. Look at you. You aren’t cowering under the bed, are you?”
He forced himself to admit the truth that cut into the very base of his machismo. “I’m scared.”
“You’d be stupid not to be. The fact that you’re still willing and ready to face gunfire when you’ve got a mental block against it means that you’re far braver than you’re letting yourself believe you are.” She hesitated. “Trust me when I say this; you don’t have the soul of a coward or a weakling. I can see it.”
Alex blinked. “What?”
“Your aura. It’s beautiful. Except for my mother, I’ve never seen one like it.”
He was startled. “You can see auras? You didn’t mention that.”
“I haven’t done it in a long time. I didn’t think I was able to until tonight.”
Huh. He glanced down at himself, half expecting to see something floating around his body. “Does it mean I’m surrounded by a bunch of colors?”
“Something like that. It’s a bit more complex, but it’s tough to explain. Anyway, you have the soul of a natural-born caretaker.” She shook her head. “You know, I hate to be so blunt…”
“Why stop now?”
“Ha-ha. Anyway, have you ever thought of getting out of law enforcement?”
He shook his head. “All my life, all I ever wanted to be was like my father. I’m never going to be a hero like him, but I don’t know what else to do if I’m not a cop.”
“Well, whatever. Rest assured, I know for a fact how good you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Trust me when I say that in this relationship, the problem isn’t with you, it’s with me. I’m the reason it would never work out.”
“Genevieve…”
She surprised him by hugging him. “You tempt me. God, I want nothing more than to be with you.”
“Sweetheart, there’s no way you can make me believe that I’m any better than—”
She gave a short laugh. “You have no idea. Please, just hold me for a while.”
Not quite sure what else to do or say, he tugged her closer and did just that.
