I exhale, hard. “No shit.”
“Yeah,” she says bitterly. “I’m a real catch. If he were a less competent fighter, I might’ve actually killed him. Did I mention he was sick? Still recovering from being nearly poisoned to death? By me?”
I raise my eyebrows at her. “Damn.”
She mirrors my eyebrow raise. “You still convinced he’s obsessed with me?”
“Yes.”
She rolls her eyes.
“I will not keep my voice down,” Kenji is shouting in the distance. “This is a criminal offense—”
“Though, to be fair, you probably can’t trust my judgment,” I add. “Rosabelle killed me on purpose and I’d probably let her do it again if it meant we got to spend some time together.”
Nazeera smiles in spite of herself, then tries to hide it by turning her face to the window. “Idiot.”
“Look, I’m just—Honestly, I’m a little confused,” I say, trying to process all this. “I’ve always thought of you as super confident. I can’t picture you freaking out like that.”
“Yeah, well, we all have seasons.” She spreads her hands out on the table, staring at her fingers, then curls them into fists. “I like to think I’m not that person anymore, but I had a lot of growing up to do. I’ve been trying really hard these past few years to work on myself. To understand who I am, where I come from, what’s important to me. But during those early years of our relationship—I was kind of a mess.”She huffs a laugh. “At one point I was even jealous of Kenji’s relationship with Juliette.”
I’d been tilting back on the legs of my chair, and I rock forward now with abang.
“Shut the hell up,” I say. “No the fuck you weren’t.”
“I was,” she says, with a self-conscious shrug.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me,” Kenji is shouting. “We’re not done having this discussion—”
“You do realize,” I point out, “that if Warner sensed for even a second that Kenji was taking advantage of Juliette’s friendship, he’d cut the man’s heart out of his chest and serve it to him.” I pause. “You know that, right? I’m not exaggerating. He’d put it on a plate and everything.”
“I already told you,” she says with another shrug. “I was an emotional idiot. I was hotheaded and short-tempered and insecure—and I wasn’t used to caring about anyone like that.” She hesitates. “I can be really mean when I’m scared, and falling in love isterrifying.”
“But—”
“Look, James, the truth is, he deserves better than me.” She clasps her hands as her jaw tightens; she keeps her eyes trained on the window. “I didn’t— I wasn’t always nice to him, and I didn’t appreciate him the way I should have. I was a coward. I pushed him away. And you and Kenji,” she says, turning her gaze on me, “are so similar. The more I hear about this girl the more I worry about you.”
I stiffen.
The implication lands in the proceeding silence; the gutpunch lands a beat later. “Did you just—did you just trick me into talking about Rosabelle?”
“James, I’m worried she’s going to break your heart—”
“No way.” I push back in my seat, holding up my hands. “Stop. I don’t want to talk about this—”
“I’ve been that kind of girl,” she says in a rush. “I’ve been closed off and messed up and emotionally unavailable—and I don’t want you to fall in love with the wrong person—”
“You don’t even know her,” I say angrily. “And not that it matters, because you’re totally different people, but for the last time, I am not in love with her—”
“James—”
“And you don’t actually deserve my compassion right now, but for what it’s worth, I don’t think Kenji fell in love with the wrong person, either, so—”
“I thought you said you weren’t in love with her.”
I blink, go briefly solid.
I’m caught off guard, trying to review the things I just said out loud, and blanking.
