“Look, believe whatever you want,” I say, heat radiating up my neck. “But I’m the only one of us who made it into the Ark and out again. I’m the only real resource we have right now, and instead of utilizing me, no one will even let me near her.” I shake my head. “No, you know what? It’s worse than that—everyone is acting like I’m dead.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve been shunned and shut out of my own life! Cut off from my own family—”
“Because you’ve proven you can’t be trusted—”
“Do you truly believe that?” I say, turning angrily to face him. “Do you really believe you can’t trust me?Me?A lifetime of dedication and you think I’d sell you out? That I’d risk endangering the lives of everyone I love—”
Kenji laughs, stunned. “C’mon, man, you already did.”
“And I’m telling you, for the hundredth time: I don’t agree.”
“She murdered three people!” he shouts back. “She would’ve murdered me if you’d given her the chance! She was found in possession of a nefarious vial, the contents of which are so deadly and volatile we still haven’t been able to form a comprehensive assessment of its capabilities—”
“I know, I was there—”
“James—”
“—and I’m not trying to say that she’s on the right side of history.” I cut him off. “I’m not trying to say she’s amisunderstood saint. I’m just trying to point out that there’s more going on with her. She knows something. She was going to tell me something important in those tunnels—”
Kenji cuts me off with a loud, aggravated sound.
“All right,enough,” he cries, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t fucking take it anymore. I need you to stop talking like this before I fully lose my mind, okay? I’ve already lived through this once. I’ve served my time. You have no idea how exhausting it was to listen to Juliette go on and on and on about how Warnerisn’t as bad as people thinkandheisn’t a monsteranddon’t hurt his tiny little feelings or I’ll kill you—”
“Well, she was right.”
“No,” Kenji says flatly, opening his eyes. “She wasn’t. Warner is ruthless. When he’s on your side—great, you win. When he’s not”—he laughs, darkly—“good luck. I love that man like a brother but you haven’t seen him the way I’ve seen him. You were too young to know him the way I’ve known him. I firmly believe that without Juliette he would’ve lost his soul a long time ago. And let me be perfectly clear,” he adds, “that kind of connection—the connection he has with J? That only happens once in a lifetime. Trust me. The rest of us losers are not the chosen ones.”
“I’m not—Kenji, I’m not trying to compare my situation with theirs! I already told you I’m not in love with her!”
“I think you doth protest a bit too much, bro.”
I hesitate; take a step back. “What?”
“What?” he says defensively.
“Are you quotingHamletat me right now?”
“Fuck you, I like Shakespeare.”
“I never said I didn’t like Shakespeare,” I say, confused. I feel suddenly exhausted. I push my hands through my hair, search the darkening skies. “Look, I’m just trying to point out that no one has spent as much time with her as I have. I can understand why you don’t want to give her a chance—but what about me? Why is no one willing to believeme?Don’t my thoughts and opinions count for anything? I want to keep my people safe, just like the rest of you.”
For the first time, Kenji goes quiet.
He studies me.
“And maybe I do care about her,” I say into the silence. “Maybe that does make me an idiot. But it also makes me an asset. I know things about her. She feels comfortable with me. You need me; you need my insight. And if you don’t let me into this process, you’re going to fail. I keep trying to tell you that you can’t keep her locked up like this—”
“Nope. You need to stop now.” Kenji holds up a hand before looking over his shoulder, searching for ghosts. “I’m not supposed to be discussing this with you. If Warner finds out I so much as let you say her name in front of me, he’s going to lose his shit—”
“I don’t care,” I say, my voice rising an octave. “I need you to hear me. The very fact that she’s played prisoner for over a week has to be part of a larger strategy. I think she wants us to let our guard down. I think she’s pretending we’ve got the upper hand, that she can be managed safely behind bars.But when she’s ready she’s going to disappear, and you won’t even realize she’s gone—”
“That’s your big theory?” Now Kenji makes a sound of disbelief. “You think she’s going to escape? Bro, supermax is a relic of The Reestablishment. Not only is she monitored around the clock, but the prison was purpose-built by the fascists to make escape impossible—”
“What on earth is wrong with you?”
Kenji and I both look up, struck, at the sound of his voice. Warner is standing on an outcropping just above us, his eyes flashing with electric anger. “Does this bleak period in our lives strike you as the best time to ignore my pages? Of all the stupid, irresponsible—”
