“We must approach this from a position of strength,” Sarra had said firmly, “and I believe your greatest strength might be something unexpectedly quiet. Convince him yougenuinelywish to marry him, and once he ceases to suspect you of standing against him, you might then poison him over breakfast.”
Alizeh had raised her eyebrows. She understood well the extenuating circumstances, but it was still hard to believe Sarra could discuss her son’s murder with such nonchalance.
“Or, you know, anything, really,” Sarra had gone on, misunderstanding the look on Alizeh’s face. “You don’t have to use poison. There are a number of ways to do it, all of which we can sort out after you’ve convinced him you mean no harm. This is the most important step, and we must get it right.”
Oh, it was too much.
Alizeh briefly closed her eyes now, rubbing at the tightness growing at the base of her neck. She sat down heavily at the table positioned just under the shade of a bower, herbrows pulled together in frustration. Her head and heart felt heavy, her worries mounting.
She was trapped in a foreign land, charged with a strange task by a strange woman. It seemed all who met Alizeh possessed ulterior motives, whether to maim or manipulate or lie. Kamran, too, cherished as he was by her, had been dishonest from the start; and while of course she understood his reasons, it troubled her nonetheless that even the positive relationships in her life—Omid and Miss Huda and even Deen, the apothecarist, among them—had all been born in some manner of unkindness.
Alizeh was grateful for the good in her life, really she was, but sometimes she longed for a joy undiluted; she wanted to know what it was to smile unhampered by darkness, to laugh without knowing the drumbeat of pain, to see friends without the shadow of uncertainty.
What was uncomplicated happiness?
She dearly wished to know.
In all the years since her parents had died, there had been only one soul who, from start to finish, had been truly in her corner.
Hazan.
From the moment they’d met, Hazan had been steadfast, and now he was dead.
The sudden heat in her eyes surprised her, even as the need to release this pain seemed somehow inevitable. She made a terrible sound, clapping a hand over her mouth to stifle the sob even as tears fell fast down her face. With shaking fingers she swiped at her cheeks, thinking of howHazan had given up his life in the unmitigated pursuit of her protection, had taken chances for her without even knowing whether she was worthy. Even now she benefited from his generosity, the nosta having proven over and over to be the greatest gift she’d ever received, for without its guidance she’d have been well and truly lost.
She sniffed and sent up a whisper of gratitude, wishing, as she struggled to fight back another wave of tears, that she’d had the chance to thank him while he was still alive.
Hazan hadbelievedin her.
He’d offered up a blind faith in all that she was meant to be, in the queen her blood had crowned her, in the salvation promised her people—and in all that she’d never achieved.
Were there others, Alizeh wondered, who lived with the hope that she might save them? And if so, did she not owe it to them to give up her life in the unmitigated pursuit oftheirprotection?
How she wished her parents were still alive.
If only they were here to help her, to show her the way. More than anything, Alizeh found she wanted two things simultaneously: to go into a deep hibernation from which she might never emerge; and to rise up and become all that her people had ever hoped for. The problem with the latter option was both simple and tragic.
She didn’t know how.
It was a general ignorance of the path she was meant to follow that had forced her into hiding in the first place. Prior to her eighteenth birthday—the event having occurred only several months ago—the power she’d been promised wouldn’thave even opened to her, and now that she’d finally come of age, she couldn’t access that which was hers. Five souls had to be willing to die for her before the magic would even reveal itself, and prior to that she’d have tofindthe glorious substance, the location of which was a lost secret. All she knew was that the volatile minerals were buried deep in the Arya mountains of Ardunia—and the only object that might’ve helped her pinpoint the precise location was now gone.
When the fire had destroyed her family home and killed her mother, she’d managed to save her parent’s handkerchief, which she’d tucked into the protection of her fireproof fist. Nothing else appeared to have survived; metals and gold had been mutilated, all else had been reduced to ash. And yet, the morning after the horrific event, she’d seen a slim volume glinting in the rays of a rising sun, beckoning her close even as her heart shattered in her chest.
It was no book she’d ever seen before.
This one object had endured the blaze entirely on its own; and, much like Alizeh herself, the object in question had proven impervious to fire. Alizeh had known, unequivocally, that the book was meant for her. It had seemed tobeckonher.
She’d approached the gleaming hardback cautiously, understanding even then that her parents must’ve hidden it from her on purpose. Alizeh had been but thirteen when her world had gone up in flames, and though her mother and father had by then told her who she was meant to be—had prepared her in so many other ways for the role—they hadn’t wanted to burden her in childhood with the weight of every truth. They’d told her their intentions, that they meant towithhold certain information so that she might enjoy her youth awhile longer. They’d promised to tell her everything when she came of age, at eighteen.
They’d never had the chance.
In their absence all these years, that enigmatic book had been her only guide. It was a tattered, unspectacular object that didn’t draw attention to itself, but which was quietly magicked; it offered what appeared to be but the first clue in a cryptic puzzle, one Alizeh had long ago memorized, but as yet had been unable to decipher. Still, she’d clung to this small offering, protecting the enchanted volume as best as a destitute servant was able to protect their few possessions. Not until this moment had Alizeh allowed herself to think about the misplacement of her carpet bag, the important artifacts of her entire life lost, no doubt forever. That she’d lost her mother’s handkerchief was hard enough, but this...
It was yet another blow, another devastation.
Alizeh wiped again at her damp face, clutching the cup of tea like a lifeline. She’d left the drink untouched for so long it was likely cold now, but she didn’t mind. Flowering vines released a heavenly fragrance into the air around her and she did her utmost to focus on the delicious scent, closing her eyes as she steadied her breathing, taking a sip of the lukewarm tea and savoring it.
“You changed.”
