“Hey, maybe in the future”—I hesitated—“maybe you shouldn’t talk to Zahra about me. At all. She’s not— She’s getting the wrong idea.”
Ali frowned. “I don’t talk to her about you. I almost never talk to her about you. But after I left the hospital I went topick her up from school, and she saw your backpack in my car. When she asked me about it I told her I’d given you a ride to the hospital.”
“Oh.”
“And, I mean, she asked me what happened, and I explained, and then I asked her about your dad and then...” He trailed off. His face cleared, realization imminent.
“Okay. Yeah, I might’ve asked her a lot of questions about you last night.” He looked over his shoulder suddenly. “Speaking of which, I should probably go. She’s waiting for me.”
I nodded, looked at nothing. And then I swallowed my pride and said, “When you see her, will you please tell her that there’s nothing happening between us?”
Ali spun back around like I’d slapped him. “What?”
“Or maybe you can tell her that nothingeverhappened between us? Because she thinks”—I shook my head—“I don’t know, she came up to me today, and she was really upset. She seemed to think that we, that, I don’t know—”
“Are you joking?” Ali blinked, stunned, took a step back. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“What? Why?”
“I can’t believe you’re still doing this. I can’t believe you’re still letting her do this to you, even now, when she’s not even—Listen, Shadi, I don’t need anyone else’s permission to live my own life. And you shouldn’t, either.”
“She’s not just anyone else,” I said quietly. “She’s your sister.”
“I know she’s my sister.”
“Ali—”
“Listen, I don’t care, okay? This isn’t about us. You told me to jump off a cliff, and I did. I jumped off a fucking cliff. I cut myself out of your life because you asked me to, because you can’t see that my sister is just jealous of you, that she’s always been jealous of you, and can’t stand the idea of you being happy.”
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe.
“I’m not trying to change your mind anymore,” he said. “All right? I moved on. And if I’m standing here right now asking questions it’s only because I’m worried about you, because we used to be friends.”
I flinched. “I know that.”
“Then stop letting my sister dictate the terms of your life. Or mine, for that matter. Make your own choices.”
“Ali, she was my friend,” I said. “My best friend.”
“Yourbest friend. Wow. Okay.” He nodded, then laughed. “Tell me something, Shadi—what kind of best friend doesn’t want you to be happy? What kind of best friend doesn’t care if she hurts you? What kind of best friend denies you the right to make decisions for yourself?”
“That isn’t fair,” I said, “it wasn’t that simple—”
“We were friends, too, weren’t we? Why didn’t I get a vote?”
I looked up at him then, caught the flash of pain in his eyes before it disappeared. I thought to say something, wanted to say something, and I never had the chance.
Ali laughed.
He laughed, dragged his hands down his face, stared up at the sky. He seemed to be laughing at something only he understood. I watched as his body went slack, as the light left his eyes. He took a steadying breath, stared into the distance as he exhaled. When Ali finally met my eyes again he looked tired. He smiled, and it broke my heart.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll tell my sister that nothing ever happened between us.”
I stared at him. Heat was pushing up my throat again, pressing against my eyes, and I knew I couldn’t take much more of this. I nodded toward the long walk that awaited me.
“I should get going.”
“Right. Yeah.” He clapped his hands together. Took a step back. “Okay.”
