“Brianna…”
“The first thing I thought when I saw that letter was, Oh my God, it’s like these people exist in another time, sending handwritten letters and being like, just rock up and turn right at the cow field! How easy would it be for someone to scam them? And then Charlie says she’s not going to take the job, and I’m thinking…well, someone should, right?”
“Bri, don’t be crazy.”
“That is like saying,Water, don’t be wet. You know this. But youalsoknow I’m a genius.”
“It’s immoral! Like you say, it’s a scam. That job was offered to Charlie.”
“Charlie will have lied through her teeth to get it.”
“Then it should go to someone else who applied.”
“Or to you. Why not? It’s not a scam if you’re only trying to do a good job, is it? You’d be great at running a farm shop! It’s perfect—you desperately need a fresh start. You might even end up building a life there—a cute little island community could be the perfect place for a single mum…”
I remember how a shiver had gone through me when she’d said that. But not a bad shiver, an excited shiver. A decade ago I’d have ratherdiedthan be a single mum. It would have scared the hell out of me. But I was thirty-seven. I wanted a baby so badly that sometimes I thought of little else, despite constantly telling myself I was in no rush, didn’t mind waiting, blah blah blah. Was the next step really downloading Hinge again, scrolling through all the mediocrity, no doubt settling for less than we deserved? Was it really better for my hypothetical child for me to rush into a relationship with yet another man who’d probably end up leaving me one day?
“I don’t even know if they have, like, maternity care on this island of hers,” I’d found myself saying. I was already half-gone.
“Are you kidding me? You’re always going on about how you hate the medicalization of pregnancy and birth, you big hippy. And what a perfect place to raise a kid! They could run wild on the cliff tops and eat organic stuff from your shop! Ooh, I’m googling, there’s a little school there.”
“Oh my God,” I’d said, melting. “An island school?”
“There’s nothing to stop you from doing it. I’ll be your reference, if they ask for one.”
“What if Charlie’s already turned it down? Said she’s not coming?”
“She hasn’t. I asked. She said something vague about how that wouldn’t be necessary—she’s just going to flake and not show up, hundred percent. This is Charlie we’re talking about. Literally all you have to do is say you’re called Charlie Jones,” Brianna had said. “You’ve never liked your name anyway. Come on. It would befun. And rebellious. You’ve never rebelled in your life, you might like it. You know it’s always suited meverywell.”
“Until you got married to a man called Stuart and settled down and had two babies.”
“Becoming a boring suburban mum was the most surprising thing I could do by the time I hit thirty-five and you know it. Why are you not loving this plan as much as I am? It’s a ready-made new life.”
“I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”
“Why not? I mean, come on, you want to. And have you ever in your life done something because youwantedto, and not because you thought it would impress someone else?”
“Wow. Ouch.”
Most of the people in my life back on the mainland thought of me as confident, bold, outspoken—not the sort of person who pandered to the opinions of others. But Brianna knew the truth. That’s sisters for you, I guess.
Though Jones saw the true me pretty quickly, too. That night in the rain at the lighthouse, when he’d looked me right in the eyes and told me he liked me better when I wasn’t faking anything…
Anyhow, I’d told Bri that it would have been wrong—it was stealing. But even as I’d said it, if I’m totally honest, the thought of nicking this from under Charlie’s nose had been alittlesatisfying, given the context.
“Who gets hurt?” Brianna had asked.
“Well…I guess…the people who own the farm and end up with a really inexperienced farm shop manager?”
“Screw that, you have a degree, you’ve got experience working in retail…”
“I worked at Next in my sixth form summer.”
“Right! Great! I think you’ll be amazing at the job. Youhavewatched a lot of Hallmark movies.”
“This isn’t how the world works. I can’t just pretend to be someone else.”
“Please! You’ve been pretending to be someone else for years. This is a chance to be yourself at last, Aspen.”
