When I first met Charlie, she seemed acutely unfunny—the sort of person who can’t take a joke. Now that she’s being herself, she makes me laugh more than I’ve laughed in…longer than I can remember.
I said something like this to her the other day, and she told me not to judge a woman by her “sensible dresses,” and that many of the funniest women she knew spent a great deal of their time pretending not to be. The more I thought about that, the sadder it seemed. I’m ashamed to think of all the people I overlooked, in my old life. You have so much less to give when you’re drunk and unhappy and pretending not to be.
At least things are different now. I really do think I’ve changed. Maybe I’m uncovering the person I used to be, or maybe I’m becoming a new version of myself, but either way, I’m getting somewhere.
The coffee is just how I like it—gold-top milk from Jerry’s dairy and a splash of Ormer honey. I’m just here, in the quiet of the kitchen, drinking it.
This probably doesn’t seem noteworthy enough for an email. But it is, actually. Because I’m sitting here with a good coffee that someone cared enough to make me, thinking about the ways I want to be better, and I’m feeling glad to be alive.
And with that, I’ll say,
Bye for now,
Charlie Jones
From:Charlie Jones
To:Charlie Jones
Subject:Day forty-one sober (cont.)
“You look different,” Charlie said, when I arrived in the shop.
“So does this.” I pointed to the ceiling.
Charlie has hung swathes of orange velvet from the barnroof, between all of her handmade autumnal decorations. It looks great—the tourists will love it, but it’s not so much that it’ll alienate the locals, though Galoshes did spend some time muttering about what a pain the drapes were when she was trying to dust away the spiderwebs. But muttering is Galoshes’s side gig—I’d be alarmed if she didn’t.
Charlie was examining me, undeterred by my chat about the drapes. I immediately went hot. Charlie rarely looks at me for long—she’s always the first to drop eye contact or turn away. When she does meet my gaze, it’s electric.
“Is it the shirt?” she asked.
It wasn’t the shirt. I’d worn it before. I’d just tidied myself up a bit. I’d styled my hair instead of leaving it however it was when I got out of bed, given myself a proper close shave, put on some aftershave and had that coffee.
It was just a coffee, obviously. But also, it was the first time in a very long time that I actually felt one hundred percent pleased to be here, on this planet, existing. So, in that sense, not just a coffee.
“Yep, shirt’s new,” I said. “You said in your note we need to talk?”
“Yeah, I…” Charlie glanced over at Toby, who was explaining to a tourist why Ormer soil produces the best potatoes. She looked back at me. “You lookhappy,” she said, as though the thought had just dawned. “Properly happy. That’s what’s different.”
“Don’t ruin my image now, Charlie. You know the guys down at the harbor refer to me as Charlie Jones the Frowner? To differentiate me from you, I guess.”
She didn’t laugh. “Let’s talk about my stuff later,” she said after a moment. “Now doesn’t feel like the time.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. It can wait.”
I hesitated.
“I did have something I wanted to mention to you, actually, if that’s OK?” I said.
Ever since the night at the lighthouse, Charlie is very careful around me. It grates on me, to be honest—that urge for more of her is there all the time—but I understand why she’s doing it. I want to keep my distance, too—that’s been my agenda ever since I got here. So I’m being extra polite as well.
“We need to move forward with the coffee machine and biscuits.” I lowered my voice when I saidcoffee machine, and lowered it even more forbiscuits. Galoshes wasn’t in today, but no doubt this conversation would make it back to her somehow. “We’ve got less than three weeks until our deadline, and profits are up, but not…”
“Not two salaries’ worth,” Charlie said. She sighed. “I know. I know. But Galoshes was right—nobody on that committee will cross her. We’re stuck until she comes around to the idea.”
“Could I talk to her about it?”
