I buried a groan of relief as the weight slipped off my shoulders and landed with a clunk in the dirt. “Sorry,” I mumbled, though I wasn’t sure what exactly I was apologizing for this time. It was an easy state to slip into. Sorry for being difficult. Sorry for being me.
I wiped a bit of sweat off my forehead and took another swig of water, watching as yet another honeybee landed on Eva’s shoulder. Even out here, they flocked to her. The wings on the little insect fluttered. Above us, the canopy shifted, the sun finding the honeybee’s wings. It was so ordinary. So painfully beautiful.
My eyelids drooped. For just a moment, I let myself drift, seeking a foothold where my body wasn’t an open flare of pain and discomfort.
“Arthur!”
Startled, my eyes snapped open. Eva arched an expectant brow. “You keep zoning out.”
“Oh.”
Eva studied me a bit too closely. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve been fidgety and unsettled all day.”
“Maybe you’re unsettling, bee girl.”
I hadn’t meant to say it aloud, and certainly not with a touch of irritation. Eva’s eyes blew wide in surprise. Chagrined, I took a quick, brutal bite of the apple. The flavor soured on my tongue, just like the rot spoiling inside me.
“What aren’t you telling me?” she demanded.
She shouldn’t ask questions like that. She wouldn’t like the answers.
“I’m just hot. And tired.”
“You’re developing a fever.”
“Really?” Eva challenged. “Is that all?”
For a moment, I thought what a relief it would be if she knew and understood. Not only about the monster but also about the fear that lived inside me, fear of what the creature’s existence said about the state of my soul.
“Just say it,” Eva said. “It’s clearly eating you up.”
Her word choice delighted the monster.“At least one of us gets to eat.”
I braced my forearms on my knees and shook my head. “Forget it.”
It was one thing to daydream, but I couldn’t tell her about the monster. I’d take that with me to the grave.
“You’re ashamed of me?”
I huffed. Why did it sound so surprised?
Eva switched tactics. “How’re your stitches feeling?”
They hurt like hell, but I wasn’t keen to bring that up again. She’d feel awful, and both of us would have to sit with the memoryof sitting too close, sharing air, my hands splayed over her hips. It was instinctive, excusable, once. But we couldn’t do that again.
“Already feeling better,” I lied.
Eva didn’t look like she believed me, but she crossed to me, bent beside my pack and lifted it onto her shoulders.
“What are you doing?”
“I’ll come back for the other one when we find a place to set up camp,” she said, ignoring my question. When I tried to argue, she put up a hand. “Just… let this be easy. Okay?”
My jaw tightened. “Fine.”
