The panic I fought so hard to keep down rises now. Aja wasn’t brought into Widow’s Hall during the attack. Of this, I’m certain. “What if someone was caught outside Widow’s Hall? What if they were never brought inside?”
“I’m not sure. It’s possible they took refuge in a nearby home. Or perhaps were taken hostage. We haven’t sorted out who is missing yet. Or . . .” The General stops.
“Or what?” But I already know what he’s thinking.
“Or it’s possible they were swept into the arena.”
I heard those screams. I watched those flames.
The memory will forever haunt my nightmares. The thought of my mother’s voice being among them is too horrifying to contemplate.
“Mira?” Luc is watching my expression. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to speak with you,” I say quietly. It’s my only defense against the pressing urge to wail. “Privately.”
This time, he doesn’t hesitate. He politely excuses the General and motions for me to sit across from him.
I don’t.
“The Opheran I was asking about is Aja.”
“What?” Luc couldn’t look more stunned if he tried. “Aja is dead.”
“She’s not.” I can’t look at him. “I lied.”
“What the hell, Mira?” He’s on his feet, coming closer to me. “Why would you lie about something like that?”
“We were dying.” My throat burns, so my words are a croak. “She was going to starve.”
“You didn’t have to lie. Not to me.”
I want to laugh at the absurdity, but he’s not joking. “Do you honestly think your father would have even considered taking me in if he didn’t think she was dead? Wouldyou?”
“Of course I would.” He speaks fiercely, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he winces. “I would have tried.”
“Until your father inevitably refused and you rolled over and let it go. Like you always do.” My eyes are stinging with angry, bitter tears. “You only agreed to take me in because you thought I had nothing. Anything more than that, and you’d have let me rot.”
“Mira—”
“Don’t. Don’t pretend you care.”
He comes closer. He wants to hug me, I can tell, but he resists. Instead, he puts a hand lightly on my shoulder. “You’re my sister. Of course I care.”
Maybe it’s because I’m tired. Or maybe it’s because I’ve cried so much in the past week, I’m bereft of tears, and all that’s left is anger. Or maybe it’s because I think my mother might be dead, and I think it might be my fault, and I’ve never hated anything as much as I do myself right now. Whatever the reason, for the first time, I let myself glare at my brother and speak my mind. “Oh, sure. You care. You care when you need something. You care when it suits you. But when I ask you for anything, I amalwayson my own.”
Each word out of my mouth makes him flinch, but I’ve only just started.
“My entire life has revolved aroundyou. Getting you whatever you need. Preparing you for whatever you can’t handle on your own. But anything I ask of you that requires you to be uncomfortable, you refuse.”
He looks more wounded than he has a right to. “I said I was sorry.”
“Which time are you talking about? It happensall the time. You constantly leave me to fend for myself. What makes it worse is that I know you. You arekind. You’re kind to strangers. You’re kind when you need to be firm. But when it comes to me, there’s never anything left.”
Luc’s hand slips from my shoulder, as if he can sense how useless and empty the gesture is. “It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because you’re strong. You’ve never needed me to defend you.”
I laugh harshly.
It’s what Aja said, right before she left.“You don’t need me anymore.”
