“You think I’m charming?”
“When you’re not making me miserable. So, I suppose that only applies when you’re not speaking.”
I laugh again, and that slightly imperfect smile threatens to split his face open.
“I can’t believe you don’t think I’m funny. When we get back, I’ll make you laugh every day.”
My happy grin fades with his sobering words. Kissing him was a hazy distraction, but this—the way he’s gazing tenderly at me, the idea that we have a future outside this firelit moment—isn’t reality. It’s just a moment in between.
Gently, I extricate my wrist from his hold and start to pull away.
Kaidren holds me still, smile replacing itself with a furrowed brow. “What’s wrong?”
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
He jerks as though I’ve struck him. “You’re saying you don’t want this?”
“I’m not in the habit of wanting things I can’t have.”
“You can have me. I won’t even put up a fight.” He rolls us over, resting me beneath him and dropping his forehead to my own. “We’ll find my father’s killer and clear ournames. When we return to Virdei, we’ll win the Tournament. Together.”
He thinks there are no longer any secrets between us. He thinks that if he wins the Tournament, I’ll be content sitting at his side. He’s wrong on both counts. I still have every intention of taking the throne for myself. A plan that only works if the person I’m stealing it from is my trusting and malleable brother. “Kaidren, I’m not going to help you win.”
“Why not?”
I roll my eyes. “Why did you assume I would?”
“I thought you’d want to. I see the way Lucien treats you. You don’t owe him your loyalty.”
“So, instead I should give my loyalty to you? Because we kissed?”
Hurt flashes over his expression. He hides it quickly, but I feel guilty just the same. “I don’t want to return to Virdei as your enemy,” he says. “If you fight with me, we’ll win. And then we can have it all.”
He makes it all sound so simple. “If you win,wewon’t have anything. You will. I’ll just be some girl dependent on your goodwill.”
“I won’t let that happen. You are clever and bold. Even if I didn’t want you as I do, I’d want a mind like yours on my side. But Idowant you. In all things. A conspirator in schemes and a partner in everything else.”
“You want me for now, but eventually, I’ll lose your interest. Affection fades, and truth changes. The things you mean today with imagined power will change if that power becomes realized.”
The hurt expression he tried to disguise is back. “Not everyone is like the Honorate. People don’t always change their minds or hearts so flippantly. Some people are loyal.”
“People like us are loyal only to themselves. I’d stab you in the back to get ahead, and even if you won’t admit it, so would you. But it doesn’t matter either way. Even if you could promise me forever, I wouldn’t want it. I’ll never be happy as your shadow. I’ve been Luc’s for years, and I’m tired.”
“I’m nothing like Lucien.”
“I told you I dreamed of being the most powerful person in the room,” I say. “Second would never be enough for me.”
“You meanIwould never be enough for you.”
My throat burns, but I refuse to cry. “Don’t pretend you’re any better. You can compete for a throne. I can’t. You think if our roles were reversed, you’d settle for second?”
He doesn’t answer—because he knows I’m right. His shoulders slump. “What would you have me do?”
“Nothing. When we return, you’ll do what’s best for you, and I’ll do what’s best for me.”
His eyes skirt over my face, looking for any fissures, any way to change my mind. With a resigned sigh, he twists us so he’s on his back and my head rests on his chest, ear to his heart. “I’m going to win.”
“You’re going totry,” I say with a teasing grin, turning my head to look up at him.
