“Anything else or are we done?” Ellie knows she should end this bit of theater now, walk away, and leave Chris hanging. She’s never been able to.
“Do you think you’ve done everything you could to save Mom’s life?”
The trap Chris is setting up is so obvious. Ellie killed Mom with malice aforethought while Chris was the long-suffering angel who did everything possible to save Mom’s life. It’s a lie, but the tiny grit of truth embedded inside it makes it deadly, the sort of trap that clamps down on you and you have to gnaw your leg off to escape.
“Well, I think we all could have done more.” Ellie manages a sanguine smile. “Even you.”
“I did everything I could have possibly done.” Chris pushes herself to a stand for emphasis.
That’s not true, which never stops her from saying it all the time. It drives Ellie nuts.
Mom always told Ellie to put up with Chris. After her brain surgery, Mom recovered in the hospital for a week or so, a giant bandage wrapped around her head. Chris wouldn’t let her eat anything besides the gruel she made for her. The surgeon said it would be better for Mom to feed herself. It would stimulate brainactivity. Chris, however, simply had to spoon-feed Mom at every meal.
That she was in the hospital, though, gave Ellie some rare moments where she saw her without Chris. Once, Chris had gone to pick up her son from Chinese school. Ellie sat by Mom’s side. Mom squeezed Ellie’s hand and told Ellie, once again, the stupid story she’d been telling Ellie forever, the one about the bully who stopped once she gave him her soup. When the story failed to convince Ellie, Mom said they both needed to avoid riling Chris, so she didn’t get suspicious. She grew quiet when they heard Chris scolding her son down the hall. What Mom said made more sense later, when Ellie started helping Mom sneak out of the house at night.
Now that Mom is dead, Ellie can’t live like that anymore. It’s not like she wants to rile Chris. She wants Chris not to be so easily riled.
“You never quit your job to take care of Mom full-time.” Ellie’s voice is steadier than she expected. “So, you didn’t do everything you could have possibly done.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Chris puts her hands on her waist. “Why would I ever need to do that?”
“You thought I needed to.”
“Well, that’s different. You live in Boston.”
“How is that different? I offered to move here and work remotely.”
“Was killing Mom your plan all along?” Chris’s mask is finally failing, and Ellie feels every barb catch. “Is that why you never helped me take care of her?”
“I didn’t kill Mom.” Ellie tries to iron out the wobble in her voice, but it still shakes. “I rectified the physics of the universe. You always went out of your way to prevent either Daniel or me from helping. Half the time, you wouldn’t even let me see Mom. The last time I tried to help, you literally told me to go to another universe instead.”
“The perfect answer!” Chris throws her hands in the air. “You always think you have the perfect answer, don’t you?”
Chris can’t say that Ellie’s wrong, and to Ellie’s surprise, she hasn’t. She didn’t let anyone help and had to be the one who did anything for Mom. Whenever Ellie made lunch for Mom and Chris caught her, she threw it out and made it again herself. She physically blocked doors and ripped forms out of Ellie’s hands.
For countless weekends, Ellie sat at this kitchen table begging for anything she could do. Once, Chris’s husband took pity on her and let Ellie pick up her nephew from Chinese school. Chris raced to Chinese school to pick up her son first, then screamed at Ellie because she made extra work for her. Chris never let Ellie do anything and, apparently, that’s Ellie’s fault, too.
“No, I don’t but I’m not wrong this time.” Ellie pulls herself away from the counter. “If you’d let Daniel and me help, maybe Mom would still be alive.”
The instant it leaves her mouth, Ellie wishes it hadn’t. Knowing where the trap is doesn’t mean you won’t step right into it anyway.
“How dare you!” Chris points toward the door. “Get out of this house!”
Ellie knows she’s supposed to be hurt but she’s weirdly relieved. Some small part of her knew that this was how the conversation would end.
“Fine.” She forces her face into her best neutral expression. “I’ll go pack.”
“No need.” Chris pushes Ellie’s roller bag out from under the table. “I’ve done it for you.”
Much as Ellie wants to, she does not laugh. They had this conversation so Chris could manufacture a reason to kick her out.
Ellie unzips the roller bag and does a quick inventory. Clothing, toiletries, tablet, power supplies are all there and she doesn’t sense any mechanism that shouldn’t be. One never knows withChris. Ellie drags the roller bag behind her out the door. She does not say goodbye.
Daniel’s car is still parked in the driveway. Ellie almost trips off the stoop from the shock. She hurries over. Daniel pops the trunk and opens the passenger-side door. She stows her bag and gets in.
“Why are you still here?” Not that she minds at all in any way.
“I made it as far as the end of the driveway before I decided you might need a place to stay.” Daniel smiles. “I did live with you all for a long while.”
