“I recommend it,” Dan continues, oblivious to the daggers I’m shooting him. “It’s the best thing you’ll everdo.”
Beside him, Shannon titters. “Not married yet, babe,” she says, patting his chest.
Not married ever, if I can helpit.
“Well, you know what I mean,” Dan says, smiling down at my sister, then looking back across the table to Connor and me. “We split up for a while, a couple of years back. I had to see what living without Shannon would look like. It was a dark time. After a few months of that, we knew we had to make it work.”
“Aww,” Shannon says. “I feel exactly the same.”
Gross. Across from me, my sister is looking flushed, but happy—a telltale sign she’s tipsy. The alcohol has helped loosen her up in every sense of the word, her hair gradually falling out of the sharp bun she’d slicked it into and framing her face, and to me at least, she looks gorgeous, a closer semblance of the sister I remember rather than the high-definition glamazon who replacedher.
Dan, on the other hand, is starting to look a little shiny. I thought he was just being a dick a minute ago, but now that I observe him closer it’s only fair to acknowledge that he’s probably drunk, rather than spiteful. He’s never handled his alcohol well in my opinion, and Drunk Dan is Everyday Dan dialed upto eleven. He’s loud, he’s opinionated, and he thinks he’s a lot more profound than heis.
—
Dan has taken a real shine to Connor, offering up his unsolicited advice on everything from fantasy football to cryptocurrency, and he and Shannon both take the opportunity to share with Connor as many stories as they can think of from my teenage years, which are embarrassing, but not quite as embarrassing as starting a chess club, so I let it pass.
Connor is doing the thing I sometimes watch him do in meetings, where he pretends to consider something that I know he’s not considering at all. I want to run a wire between his brain and mine so I can hear all his thoughts in real time. Is Dan’s conversation annoying him? Was he being honest when he said the breadsticks were good? Doeshethink Shannon is hot and I’m cute?
When another pitcher comes down, I judge it to be time to wrap things up before they manage to drink it. Connor switched to beer a while ago, and I’ve been nursing my drinks, knowing instinctively that getting drunk tonight would be a terrible idea. Shannon and Dan, on the other hand, are two walking tequila bottles.
In the original version of this weekend, I made dinner reservations at an Italian restaurant in the Village and got tickets for Shannon and me to go and watch some stand-up at the Comedy Cellar. And honestly, I was just going to let them go to waste. But unless I want to subject Connor to four more hours of these two—which I don’t—it makes much more sense to give them the tickets instead.
“So, guys,” I say, when Connor gets up to use the bathroom. “I have a bit of a surprise for you.”
“No. I’m good,” Shannon says, dismissing me immediately.
“Don’t you want to know what itis?”
“Considering the last time you gave me a surprise it almost ruined my life, probably not.”
I lock eyes with my sister. I can’t believe she just said that, and judging by the look on her face, neither canshe.
Dan’s glass hovers midair, frozen somewhere between his face and the table beneath him. His eyes dart back and forth between us, like a swimmer who’s realizing he’s out in shark-infested waters. This has all the makings of a bloodbath.
I’m on the verge of testily asking Shannon to repeat herself when Connor slides back into his seat and finds us all sitting in tense silence.
“Everything OK?” he says uneasily, tugging on the underside of my chair until it’s flush withhis.
“Absolutely,” I say through gritted teeth. Shannon is glaring at me. I glare right back. “I was just telling the guys about thesurpriseI have in store for them. Tickets to go and see some stand-up.”
“Oh,” Shannon says, her eyes dropping to the table.
“Stand-up, wow,” Dan says with exaggerated (or maybe just drunken) excitement. “I love stand-up. Stand-up is so good. How great is that, Shan?”
“Great,” she agrees, inspecting the rim of her glass.
I feel Connor slide his arm around my waist and pull me into his side. I chance a peek up at him. He raises an eyebrow.Bigger person.Right.
I heave a huge breath, releasing Shannon’s shitty comment on the exhale and charging on. “It’s back in the city, but I think it will be really fun. So here,” I say, handing the tickets across the table. “My gift to you. Welcome to New York.”
Twenty-Three
We stand side by side, the red brake lights of Shannon’s Uber disappearing around a corner and out of sight.
“That went well, I think,” Connor deadpans.
I look up at him standing there beside me with his hands in his pockets and feel a surge of affection for him, my partner in crime. Connor, who toured my sister and her fiancé around to teach them a lesson and then gave up his Friday night just because I wanted himto.
