“Glad to hear it.” He nods. “You never know with these tech unicorns.”
“Your concern is touching.”
“And so good of you to make it on such short notice,” he adds. “We weren’t sure you’d be able to get the time off, with your fancy New York City Job and all.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I tell him, the corners of my smile sharpening into points.
That my entire family thinks I’m the Canadian Bill Gates is mostly my doing. I was so desperate to avoid spending time with my brainwashed sister and her insufferable fiancé that I’d use work as an excuse not to make it home for more than a couple of days at a time. Claiming to be too busy working annoyed my parents, but itinfuriatedDan, who couldn’t tolerate someone competing with him for the Most Important Job in the Family award.
“I know Shannon thought it would be easier not to tell youabout the party,” he continues, like I hadn’t spoken. “But I was always with your mom on that one. You’re family. Who cares if people talk.”
My stomach twists. So there’s the explanation I’ve been waiting for—it wasn’t a last-minute party. I was a last-minute invite.
“Speaking of talking,” I say, pretending I already knew this, “will you be going up there to say a few words? I know what a fan you are of the sound of your own voice.”
The nice-guy act evaporates in an instant.
“You know what,” he says, but I never get to hear it. As if by magic, Mom materializes at my elbow, her silver bangles clinking like a tambourine when she moves. “Thereyou are,” she says toDan.
“Here I am,” he echoes, leaning forward to drop a kiss onto her cheek.
“Daniel, sweetheart, Irene was just saying she could use a hand carrying the trays in from the car. Would you be a dear?”
“Of course.”
He gives me a small salute and saunters away.
“Now you go and say hello to your cousin,” Mom urges. “I bet you haven’t evenaskedabout his fundraiser.”
Not that I need any urging to spend less time with Dan, but it’s humbling to realize how little faith she has in my promise not to make a scene.
—
I catch a streak of blue out of the corner of my eye and turn to see my uncle Bill prancing toward me like some sort of enormous leprechaun. Though my own family are blind to Dan’s many flaws, my aunt and uncle, and by extension my cousins, all share my disdain.
“What do you think, can we drive him off a second time?” Bill says, nudging me in the ribs.
“Sorry, Bill, I’m retired. No hijinks on my watch.”
He pulls a green note from his wallet and dangles it before me. “I’ll give you twenty bucks to get up there and say a few words.”
“Uncle Bill,” I say with an outraged gasp, clutching my hands to my heart. “Need I remind you that you are my confirmation sponsor? You’re supposed to keep me on the righteous path.”
“And I am,” he says with a chuckle. “This is the Lord’s work.”
That Uncle Bill was my confirmation sponsor is a long-running joke in our family, since as far as I’m aware he hasn’t stepped inside a church either before or since. He’s the resident party guy in our family, always up for trouble. He’d drop Aunt Irene off on Sunday but always skip the mass, preferring instead to prep the barbecue we’d all get together for after.
“Hey, Bill,” I ask, attempting to sound as casual as possible. “When did Mom tell you about this party?”
“She’s only been badgering me about it for a couple of months now,” he says. “She made me move my fishing trip.”
“Same,” I deadpan. “I’m super sad to be missingit.”
Bill hoots at this, reminding me that I can’t catch a fish to save my life. The man is not wrong; he took my cousin Steve and me out on the boat with him once when we were teenagers, and I was so upset to lose the one fish I caught on the line I jumped in the lake and tried to swim afterit.
“There he is, the man of the hour,” Bill booms when he sees Dan crossing the lawn toward his friends. “Come over here, Daniel.”
Dan is visibly reluctant. Bill and I must be his two least favorite people here.
