“If you had turned up on the call when you were supposed to, you’d know the answer to this! Where were you?”
“Pacing around outside, arguing with my mom. Shannon and Dan are engaged again.”
I’m hard put to decide, now, which of the two calls I’d rather have been taking: the one telling me I’d lost my job, or the one telling me my sister is re-engaged to the worst man in the world.
“What, the mayor guy?” Carrie asks. “I thought you banished him.”
So did I. Also, to be clear: he isnotthe mayor. Of anything.
“She wants to throw another engagement party.”Shebeing my mother. My sister Shannon has not deigned to discuss this—or anything else—with me in over two years.
Carrie scrunches her nose. “Ew.”
“No kidding.”
“Anyway, yeah,” she says, returning to our original conversation. “You’re laid off.”
“Damnit.”
The hideous prospect of interviewing for jobs even more pointless than this one appears before me. I barely repress a shudder.
“Carrie, I kind of need this job, you know, to pay rent, and have friends. And to not be a crushing disappointment to my parents.”
“And I sympathize with that, absolutely,” she says, squaring her shoulders. “We appreciate all your hard work during yourtime at Taskio. The business is experiencing difficult market conditions and is making some structural changes. Unfortunately, your role has been impacted.”
I feel like I just watched in real time as a demon took control of my best friend’s body. I look over my shoulder, checking we’re still alone. “Are you filming this for YouTube?”
She ignores my question. “Your role has been terminated, effective immediately. In recognition of the contributions you’ve made to Taskio, we’re able to offer you a generous compensation package to help you transition to the next stage of your career. You’ll need to return any company property in your possession, and as a reminder of your contract, commercially sensitive information cannot be shared during or after your employment at Taskio.”
I wave my hand in front of her face. “Seriously, Carrie, are you in there? If you can hear me, blink twice.”
“I have to read you the script. Legally.”
“OK, well, that was horrifying. Is there more?”
“That’s basically it,” she admits. “How did Ido?”
“Um…fine.”
“Did you feel like your distress was taken seriously?”
“Sure.”
“Was my delivery a bit robotic?”
“Kindof.”
“Damn it,” she mutters.
This day is so weird. “Not that I have anything to compare it to, but for what it’s worth, that felt like a textbook firing tome.”
She perks up. “Really?”
“Definitely. Now can we please focus on the fact that I justlost my fucking job?”
“Right, sorry,” she says, snapping back into action.
“Isn’t there somebody else you could lay off instead? You know, besidesme?”
