Ann remembered them learning the sails with the boatswain—and most fondly—tying knots with Will.
There he was again. Tied into every memory like the very ropes on the yards of the boat. They hadn’t spoken in days, and Ann had begun to wonder if he were a dream she should give up, with a future far too unlikely to actually happen. With so many cases of smallpox, she’d spent almost all her time in the sick bay. But truth be told, it was easier to remain below deck and away from him during his watches.
The bell tolled dolefully, signaling high noon that day. Both boys were wrapped in thick canvas, a weight where their ankles would be beneath the fabric.
President Garn offered a prayer.
Sister Davies, standing just in front of Ann, was beside herself as she watched a few of the men lift up the boys. “To think my poor darlings going into these shark-infested waters.” It was too much, and she burst into sobs. A few of the nearest women put their arms around her to comfort her.
Ann was closest to young Sarah, who immediately burst into tears. “I shouldn’t have been so hard on them. I, who had already had the disease. If I just could have helped them—”
Her voice was quiet, but Ann made out every word.
“There, there,” Ann whispered as she wrapped an arm around her. “These boys couldn’t have had a better sister. You loved them fiercely. You must focus on all the wonderful moments.”
Sarah wiped at her tears, returning Ann’s hug.
Though Ann knew it was his duty, it was nearly unbearable to listen as Will read the usual remarks and the coordinates of their burial. Finally, he concluded with his speech, adding, “We will forever hold in our memory the happy nature of these two boys. They will be sorely missed.”
Ann let her eyes rest on Will for one moment. Through the crowd, his gaze found hers and held it for a long moment, longing and sadness ebbing and flowing between them like the turn of a tide.
She knew he had a soft spot for the boys. For one moment she thought maybe he was missing not just the boys, but her as well.
She had to speak with him. No matter what the captain said, no matter the expectation. These Davies boys had taught her something: Every moment of life counts. In their short time on earth, they had lived to the fullest, like only children could. This voyage taught her again and again that life was fleeting and one needed to chase after one’s hopes and dreams. No matter how much she’d distanced herself from Will, she knew she’d forever regret it if she just let them drift apart. As soon as she could manage, they needed to discuss their beliefs and feelings and their understanding going forward with each other.
And then, after that, no matter what was said, she knew what she must do. She must accept the will of God.
Last night, despite the sadness of the boys dying and her separation from Will, Ann’s perspective had grown clearer—she no longer doubted God’s plan for this journey. Everything had become darker, harder, lonelier, and yet, she had felt the presence of God more firmly in her life. Carrying her, once again, through the trial.
She closed her eyes.Carry on, my child.
Even with faith, sometimes life proved excruciatingly hard. Having belief did not mean that life would suddenly turn perfect. It surely hadn’t been like that for the Prophet Joseph and his brother Hyrum. It most likely wouldn’t be like that for her, or any of the Saints on theWindermereeither.
As she walked toward the sick bay, words came to her mind and she could almost hear Elizabeth’s beautiful voice singing once again.
But if we die, before our journey’s through
Happy day, all is well.
We then are free, from toil and sorrow too,
With the Saints we shall dwell.
She gripped the nearest mast before going down the hatchway. She was on her way to Zion, and she’d stand true every mile of the way until God called her home. Her faith would burn bright, her testimony secure.
Soon she would find Will and tell him of her resolve for her future. She couldn’t bear to write out these feelings of her heart in a letter. She wanted, more than ever, to be with him. But she also hoped he wanted to become someone who truly believed in God and His gospel and could be a part of His priesthood on the earth. If he did not believe as she did, she would give up the dream of connecting with him later in the journey or once they landed.
For today, it was time to focus on the sick and the needy, just as Christ had done. He would be her example in every way, and by redirecting her mind to Him, she knew He’d ease whatever heartache may lie ahead.
Chapter 36
April 14, 1854
52 days at sea
Will had spent the lasttwo hours peering through his spyglass. But this time, something was finally different. A merchant vessel was close enough they could run up to it.
He sprinted to the helm and took the wheel from Mr. Stevens, telling him to bring the captain to the deck. As Will adjusted the wheel to intersect the other ship’s position, he thrilled at the prospect of more provisions. With the dolphin meat finished, everyone had been restless these past few days. He even wondered sometimes if he were starting to become delusional. When he closed his eyes, he kept seeing Ann’s gaze on his during the Davies boys’ funeral. The light in her eyes had changed. Of course she was devasted by their death, but he was haunted by what else he saw missing there. He’d hoped the separation between them wouldn’t affect her feelings for him, but something seemed unsettled. They’d gone days on the ship before without speaking, but now things were different.
