She felt caught, like a bunny she’d seen in a hedge once back in Hemel Hempstead. The bunny had been so scared it didn’t know which way to go. It tried to dart one way and then another, but in the end, it just stayed there panicking until she helped to free it.
She’d enjoyed getting to know Will and had developed feelings for him. He clearly had feelings for her, and all their interactions had been honorable. Had this happened with any other man on the ship, she could have celebrated such a match with the hope it would lead to marriage.
But he wasn’t supposed to have any conduct with young ladies, and they both knew it. She cringed as she thought of what he was experiencing now with that horrible Crenshaw and the captain.
Once at her small berth, she rocked back and forth in the darkness, trying to make sense of how such a wonderful relationship could create so many terrible repercussions. Will was smart and resilient, she knew that about him. Maybe he’d find some way to continue his sentiments without as much contact. She didn’t want to give up the friendship they’d built. He was diligent and strong as well as charming and witty. Despite the setbacks and constraints of the rules they would need to strictly adhere to now, perhaps, somehow, they could continue to be friends.
But her growing feelings—and his too—posed another problem, a bigger one she hadn’t let her mind dwell on until now. She hoped he was coming to truly believe all that she did. But did he understand that she was going to Zion? He was the first mate of this ship, and she’d be headed west as soon as they reached land.
“Is it true?” The captain glanced from Crenshaw, who had just explained the situation, to Will, standing ready to accept fault. The lines on his face seemed deeper than Will remembered, and despite his angry glare, he felt compassion for Fairfield. He was getting too old to deal with miscreants like himself.
“Yes, sir, one simple kiss,” said Will, his trained gaze on the wall behind the captain.
The captain leaned forward in his chair, hands clenched on top of his desk. “Mr. Boyd, you know full well our rules on board. I have heard you exact them of the men lower than you in station, am I right?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Which is why”—Crenshaw cut in, snapping almost like a dog ready to bite—“he should have an extra severe punishment, not just double watch or a dock in pay. A good whipping in front of the crew, reduction in rank—”
“Crenshaw,” the captain said, his words even. “You know that even the crew will not like me treating an officer as though he is a dog. I will decide the punishment.”
“Sir—” Crenshaw blurted out.
The captain stopped him. “You are dismissed. And if I hear you wagging your jaw about this, it will be you with the punishment.”
The intense anger coming from Crenshaw seemed to nearly rise off his skin like the haze of water on a hot beach. Will was sure the admonition not to talk about Will’s actions ate at him. Crenshaw had caught Will, and he’d wanted blood for Will’s mistake. The man’s jaw tensed. But as the captain continued to stare at him, Crenshaw brought his feet together, tipped his head toward the captain, and left without another word.
The door clicked behind him, and the captain drew a deep breath and sagged into his large leather chair.
“Boyd, take a seat.”
The anger on the captain’s face seemed to dissipate into something akin to utter exhaustion. When Will had situated himself, the captain drew in a long draft of air.
“I am tired, Boyd.” He ran his hand over his face. “This voyage, more than any other, has beat the tar out of me. Storms, sickness, lack of food—not even the faith and unfailing attitudes of these passengers makes me want to fill this vessel up once more and sail it back to England. I was hoping, before tonight, to turn theWindermereover to you. I saw you were taking interest in that woman, but I had no idea you would act on your feelings. Are you in your right mind?”
Will’s mind and heart warred against each other. He knew what he felt—and he knew how he was supposed to act and that he’d let his feelings rule to his detriment.
He drew a tight breath. “Sir, I know my conduct was against the rules. I can assure you, though, that I am of a sound mind. I love her, sir. But regardless of my personal feelings, I know I should not have had any interactions with her of such a personal kind.”
“They have to stop, Boyd. At least while you are on this ship.”
Will’s entire body tensed. “Yes, sir, I understand.” The ship was his duty, his living, after all. He didn’t want his wages garnished or his rank demoted. And he very much wanted to captain theWindermereon its subsequent voyages.
The captain continued. “Now, Crenshaw has sown and may well sow more seeds of doubt among the crew concerning your ability to lead. If he tells of what happened tonight expressly, I will deal with him. But like I said earlier, youmustprove yourself worthy of the crew’s admiration, and most importantly, from here on out, you must prove my trust.” His hands clenched the edge of his desk and then relaxed. “I think you know how to be a captain, and I need you to confirm my belief. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir,” said Will. He let out a pent-up breath. “I will not let you down.”
The captain motioned to the door.
“Captain Fairfield,” Will said as he stood, “I am very sorry. Please get some sleep, and I want you to know, I will not disappoint you.”
“Thank you, Boyd,” he said, and Will exited the cabin.
For one moment, Will rested his forehead against the wall of the dark corridor. The ship could be his as soon as the next journey. His heart swelled with the thought of it. And then it tightened. He loved Ann. He’d admittedit out loud—to the captain of all people. And now, more than ever, he’d have to distance himself from her. Gone were their clandestine meetings, he’d need to avoid their frequent run-ins, and he’d not be able to hold her in his arms or kiss her again.
But maybe she’d have him after they made it to land.
He drew a hand over his tired face as an unsettled feeling stowed in his gut.
