She tugged on his arm. “Must you be so stubborn?” She smiled at him. “Tell me what you are thinking.”
A long, defeated breath escaped him. “I was just remembering how I always wanted a brother. Chris once filled that void.”
She glanced at him knowingly and placed a hand on his forearm. “He doesn’t realize all he’s lost by forsaking your friendship.”
“You think so?” The sudden depth in his gaze spoke to the volume of feeling there. He was sharing the buried needs of his heart, and she longed to assuage his pain.
“I know so.” She pressed her lips together. “Anyone who spends time with you would feel of your goodness, your strength.”
“That’s not true.” He shook his head.
“Of course it is,” she replied. Alex was always confident. Where had this self-doubt come from?
“No. Everyone close to me always ends up dissatisfied.” His gaze remained firmly on the ground. “I know they said it was for my own good so I could start anew, but even my own parents left me once I paid their debt. Christopher can’t stand me; Mr. Cartwright is never pleased—”
“Alex.” She spoke his name softly, and he stilled. She’d had no idea that he had this much pain. “What do they really know of you? Your parents must have been scared for your future. Christopher’s view on life is skewed, and I don’t know this Cartwright, but anyone who doesn’t value you can’t see beyond their own nose.”
When his head turned toward hers, she took his hands in hers, hoping the next words were worth the risk. “I know they are all missing a great opportunity because every moment I spend with you isn’t enough. You invite people in—just look at Walter. You care deeply, you think deeply, you act deeply. I find myself always wanting more.” She wanted to add that she’d never turn her back on him, never walk out on him, but worried that was going too far. She decided on a different way to express it. “How could anyone not want to risk being with Alexander Jenkins?”
His eyes went wide, and he glanced toward the castle, seeming to acknowledge the risk they were both taking.
Charlotte wasn’t sure she should have chanced such an admission and settled onto a large rock near the edge of the stream. When he joined her, he purposely sat near enough that his knee brushed her skirt, and his proximity helped her feel a little better about her honest words.
He reached down, picked up the edge of her skirt, and rubbed it between his fingers. She glanced at Walter, who happily continued downstream, and then met Alex’s gaze. He tugged on the edge of her skirt. “Do you remember the time you dressed in Christopher’s clothes so you could more fully participate in the boys’ activities?”
Charlotte chuckled, recalling the happy memory. “Indeed. It was quite the feat to even steal them. And then cinching up the trousers and fixing the shirt took a great deal. I believe you said you’d never liked me so much as you did that day.”
“I couldn’t say as much now.”
“Whyever not?”
“Because.” He drew in a breath. “Please know that there are so many reasons I appreciate you, Charlotte.” A smile played on his mouth. “But I haven’t told you enough that, in addition to all your best qualities, I also find you to be beautiful. Take this dress, for example. Trousers might have been fun, but do you know how breathtaking you are in this?”
He let the fabric fall from his fingers and looked down the river.
His compliment warmed her more than any other man’s ever had.Hethought her beautiful, and somehow that held more weight than if her appearance had been noticed twenty times before.
“Then, is it safe to say you prefer me more than you used to?”
“Yes,” Alex said. “But tell me, do you prefer me even more than your recent acquaintences in London? Surely being here doesn’t compare to your time with that Ainscough fellow.” He seemed to focus quite intently on a small rock he was now flipping between his fingers.
She thought back to the windy painting afternoon, and although it had been pleasant and Ainscough had been kind, his proximity hadn’t felt anything like Alex’s did now. Now her heart bubbled like the stream, and her hands longed to touch Alex’s. “Lord Ainscough is an exceptional gentleman,” she admitted. Alex’s eyes fell, and she continued quickly. She put a hand to her lip and tapped it. “He’s a little too... it’s like he’s Yorkshire pudding, taking on whatever flavor is around him. I sometimes wish he had just chosen to be himself.”
“Oh.” Alex moved a fraction closer to her, his shoulder brushed against hers. “But Yorkshire pudding isn’t bad. Everyone likes Yorkshire pudding, and it’s served all the time.”
“Exactly.” She met his gaze and raised her brows. “But that makes it boring.”
Charlotte hazarded a glance in his direction and stuffed her hands into the pocket of her apron. “You, on the other hand, are exactly like a cabinet pudding, full of surprises and very much your own flavor.”
“Well!” He laughed, her teasing words working. “I have been called a great many things before, butthathas never been one of them.” His voice softened as he tilted his head toward her. “Do you... like cabinet pudding?”
She nodded. “I do, very much. You don’t always agree with me; you have your own opinions and your own mind, and I like that. It makes me feel—like you are being yourself, not just trying to be near me for my dowry.”
“If that is why that Ainscough cad wants to pursue you, he must be completely addlebrained. Doesn’t he know how wonderful you are without all that?” He stared at her.
It warmed her to know Alex liked her for who she was.
They held each other’s gaze until he glanced down. His hand inched closer to her apron. In one decisive moment he slipped his hand into hers. She’d long since removed her gloves, and as his fingers curled around her own, she wanted to bask in his touch forever. The warmth it brought felt like sunshine. She sighed with contentment.
