it will be
so much easier
if
I just don’t care anymore.
I don’t care anymore.
No.
I’m too close.
I have to see this through.
108.
Therapist:You’re not a bad person. You’ve made some choices that you wish you could go back and change. That’s something that every human being on this planet does during their lifetime.
July:Not like this.
Therapist:
July:
Therapist:And those choices have compounded and compounded. One small thing can snowball. It can feel impossible to get out from under it. But you can.
July:
Therapist:Your choices do not define you. You can move forward with greater knowledge. You can heal.
July:
Therapist:The focus should always be on the kind of person you want to become, not on any particular outcome. You can’t change anything but yourself.
July:
Therapist:So you have to think... what kind of person do you want to be?
July:
Therapist:July?
July:I don’t want to be a person.
Therapist:I understand what you’re saying, but—
July:I. Don’t. Want. To be.
109.
now
When I wake up, the light is late. We have slept through most of the day. The last day. Panic floods me, and I know we have to go and see if anyone answered on the marquee. I try to pick up Yolo, and he hisses at me—which he never does—and turns his back.I am cozy and want to sleep,he is saying.I kept watch with you last night and I’m tired.
“I’m sorry, bud,” I say. “We have to keep going.”
Yolo doesn’t move.
