I burst out laughing.
“You’re doingFinding Nemo?!?”
Sam was laughing, too. He’d told me once that my laugh was contagious. I’d liked the compliment. I squeezed his hand again.
“Knock it off, you guys.” Syd shook her head. “How are we supposed to summon anything if you’re all acting like idiots?”
I tried to study her face in the light from our phones. There was an edge to her expression. Or was that the lighting, casting shadows and angles where they wouldn’t normally be? Making her eyes more hollow and sad than they really were?
“What’s going on, Syd?” I asked her quietly. So no one else could hear. “Is everything okay?”
She turned to fully look at me.
I still couldn’t quite see her eyes. They were dark pools. Her facewassharper, though, I could tell now, which often happened during cross-country as we got leaner and leaner and in better shape as the season went on. But lately I thought that she’d been pushing it harder than ever to keep up with Ella.
Or was it something else?
It’s this weird room,I thought, everything covered in plastic, where something bad had undoubtedly happened with that many guys living and drinking here over so many years.
Maybe no one had died here. But there are things that feel like death.
I knew Syd heard me. But she didn’t answer.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s summon someone. Anyone. We’ll just put out a call. For whatever frat boy decides to show up.”
“Bonus points if he’s hot,” Ella said, and Syd cracked up.
“Exactly, Ella,” she said. “Here we go.”
We closed our eyes.
40.
now
You’d think I’d know who I wished for. But the thing is
I can’t be sure.
I may have said one name, but what if I wished for another deep down in my heart?
It makes the most sense that it would be Syd. Right? The cross-country team always met under the marquee before we went out on our runs. It makes sense that she would leave me a message there. That adds up.
Or Sam? I still dream about touching him. I still wake up and ache that he’s gone. That things went the way they did. That I’ll never again put my hand on his chest as he leans in to kiss me.
My heart is still racing.Who is it?Alex? We used to be in student government together, in addition to cross-country. He knows where to find the marquee letters. He was the person I could always talk to, someone who really knew me. He knew who I used to be and who I was at the end. Is he the one I want here?
It could be my mom, my dad, Jack. But no. I love them, they’re my family, but would Ireallywish for them first?
Technically,I remind myself,you wished for the cat first.Which makes me snort, and Yolo glances over.
But.
I remember the footage, what I saw at the marquee.
Maybe there aretwopeople out here besides me.
The one I wished for, and the one I didn’t.
