I gesture toward the empty stool across from him. “Can I sit down?”
He gets up from the bench, and for a moment, I wonder if he’s going to bail. I couldn’t blame him if he did. But he puts a hand on my back, nudging me toward the seat he’d occupied, then takes the backless stool I’d just pulled out.
It’s such a sweet, gentlemanly move, and I wonder whether I am going to start crying. I pull myself together and sit, aware of the distance he maintains between us.
A waitress comes over for our drink orders. I feel Reid’s eyes skimming over me as I ask for an iced tea, but when I look back at him, his expression is shuttered. He’s holding himself close.
“I’m guessing Gracie lured you here.”
“Under false pretenses.” His tone is carefully neutral. “She told me she wanted to have lunch here, let me order a beer, then bolted.”
I can’t help but laugh. “She didn’t give you an excuse?”
The ghost of a smile crosses his lips, but it quickly disappears. “She told me she had cramps, because she knows I can’t argue with that.” He ventures a look at me. “How did Emme get you in here?”
“We were shopping in the neighborhood, and she kind of just... left me outside.”
Reid shakes his head with the same mixture of admiration and exasperation that I feel toward my daughter. “Gracie would never admit it, butThe Parent Trapis one of her favorite movies of all time.”
“Emme’s too.” I sense an opening. “I have to say, though, I’m relieved. They kind of threw me a line. I’ve been wanting to reach out to you, to apologize for last night. I just...”
The waitress delivers my drink, cutting off my speech. After she leaves, Reid quietly surveys the room around us, once again deliberately avoiding my gaze.
“Have you been back here?” he asks.
I tamp down my disappointment. Reid doesn’t want to hear my apology. Maybe he just needs more time—or maybe I really have messed things up beyond repair. But he’s still here, talking to me, making a stab at conversation. That has to count for something.
“No. Nisha and I saw a show when Sin-é reopened onAttorney Street in the early 2000s. It was great, but it just didn’t have the same specialness this place did.” I shake my head. “I don’t know if this is overly dramatic, but I think when Jeff Buckley died, some of the magic of that time died with him.”
“Yeah. We’ve changed a lot, haven’t we?”
There’s a pause while we sip our drinks. I hate the distance between us, the loss of our camaraderie and ease.
I want to get us back to where we were. I think of what Emme said about putting herself in time-out yesterday. I think of my younger self, too, her guileless zeal. And now, the complications, the fears, the hypotheticals... they’re all flimsy when confronted with the sheer strength of my feelings for this man, my desire to have him again.
Reid clears his throat. “So what’s happening with theResonancegig?”
“They accepted the new terms.”
For the first time since I sat down, Reid’s face breaks into a smile, revealing the chip in his tooth I’ve come to find devastating. “That’s amazing, Lili. You’re taking it, right?”
Warmth floods my chest. Speaking it aloud to him makes it real. Historically, this is the point at which I would start second-guessing, but the anxiety has melted out of me. I’m no longer projecting into the future, mentally constructing an ideal version of myself and worrying about all the things I need to do to meet myself there. I’m content in this moment, relishing the accomplishment, happy that I get to share it with Reid. That I’m getting one more moment with him.
Reid, with his steady gaze, his soft T-shirt that drapeseasily over his broad shoulders, his hair that’s a little more mussed than usual—maybe he didn’t sleep well either—and the way he shifts in his stool to lean closer, waiting for my answer.
“I’m taking it,” I say.
“I’m proud of you.” The sincerity in his voice makes my chest tighten. “I’m glad you could figure it out.”
Our eyes lock, and I can detect the ghost of another, truer meaning in his words:At least you found a way through this one.
“I’m learning that there are ways to figure these things out,” I say carefully. “Mostly it involves getting out of my own way.”
His laugh comes fast. It’s like a summer thunderstorm, washing away some of the heat and tension, leaving everything clearer in its wake.
This, I think. I want more ofthis. Us. Now.
“Reid,” I say, my voice steadier. “I’m sorry for giving up so quickly. Last night.”
