“We’ve been ordered to break down the door if necessary!” one of the guards bellowed, throwing his weight against the wood. It groaned and crackled, and just when I was certain it would splinter, another door, farther down the hall, slammed open.
I listened, frozen with shock, as Alaric’s voice rang out, threatening to end the guards’ lives if they dared to bother me again.
After a few tense moments and several unsavory words, the guards clattered away, but my panic didn’t abate. If anything, I felt even more frantic because my husband now stood on the other side of the door, and he was far more volatile and dangerous than the guards. They were mindless brutes, merely carrying out Soren’s orders. Alaric, on the other hand, had chosen to come to my aid—again—and I couldn’t fathom why. Especially after our last encounter in the solarium, when I’d met his interest in my plants with hostility.
It’s obviously a trap, Ro interjected.He’ll expect something in return.
But her voice was oddly muffled, as ifshewas the one standing on the other side of the door, while Alaric’s presence loomed all around me despite the actual physical barrier.
I swore I could smell his spicy scent. And picture how he’d be raking his hair out of his face with impatience. I could evenfeelhis eyes on the doorknob, staring with the same intensity I experienced in the solarium—when our gazes briefly met across the herbs.
He was clearly waiting for me to do something—saysomething. But what?Thank youfelt inadequate yet entirely too vulnerable at the same time.
Eventually, Alaric sighed and I heard his hand press against the door. “I’m trying to buy you time—so you can ease into these responsibilities—but I can’t hold my father off forever.”
My own fingers rose to the door, drawn by his confession. My throat burned with the urge to thank him.
Don’t!Rowenna interjected at the last second, and I snatched my hand back as if the door were aflame.Luring flies with sugar water is no different than smashing them with a swatter. In fact, I’d say the swatter is kinder. At least it’s swift and straightforward.
I nearly choked on a burst of bitter laughter. How dare she speak of straightforwardness when everything about her time here was a contradiction?
Delphine’s awful accusation pounded like a drum in my head:
She sounds a bit manipulative.
I let my head thud against the door, hating Delphine for putting such wicked thoughts in my head. And hating even more that she might be right.
Unbelievable, Rowenna seethed.
Before I could apologize or explain, a ferocious chill rattled through me, and the air that had been brimming with my sister’s presence felt suddenly hollow and flat. It was as shocking as having the quilts ripped off on a winter’s night, and I clutched my arms around myself, desperateto call her back, wanting, more than anything, to burrow back into her warmth and affection. But I held my tongue. She couldn’t just punish me with silence every time I disagreed. Of course I valued her opinions, but how was I ever supposed to trust and rely on myself if she was the loudest voice inside my head?
I don’t know how long I stood there, silently cursing my sister and myself, before I regained enough composure to offer a mumbled thanks to Alaric.
But like Rowenna, he was gone.
Twenty-Three
After the visit from Soren’s guards, Delphine and I redouble our efforts up the mountain. We risk the journey two nights in a row, totaling four nights in one week, yet still we find nothing.
“What in all the green hills of Tashir were youdoingup here?” I yell as if Ro is out there in the swirling snow.
The night is howling and vicious. Delphine hangs back in the mouth of yet another empty cave, but my frustration is too blistering to notice the icy wind tugging my hair or the snow pelting my cheeks.
“M-maybe Rowenna wasn’tdoinganything,” Delphine says through chattering teeth. “M-maybe she just needed an escape from the palace. A place to think.”
I shake my head resolutely. Rowenna wasn’t like that. She was most comfortable in the thick of it, tackling problems head-on and basking in the admiration of our people. If she was trekking all the way up to this remote location, there was a reason.
Thereason behind everything.
“I think, perhaps, we should pray,” Delphine offers gently. “I’ll show you how. You’ll immediately feel calmer and more centered.” She settles down cross-legged in the cave and offers me her hand.
I stare at it like a venomous snake. “That’s a terrible idea. We’llforget which caves we’ve searched. And I refuse to strengthen Soren’s power even more.”
“We won’t forfeit the specifics of our search, obviously. I’ll teach you how to keep that information barricaded in your mind. But there’s no reason we can’t use the memory sacrifices to release the useless frustration and fear you feel now. The small amount of energy it gives Soren will pale in comparison to the clarity and relief it brings. It’s what I give to the land almost every day, for my required tithes.” Delphine offers her hand again, along with an earnest smile. “I think you’ll find our memory tithes are quite similar to the contract Tashiri gardeners keep with the land. A give-and-take to strengthen the whole.”
I adamantly shake my head. “Your tithes arenothinglike our bond with Earth Mother and the land. Vanzador is the opposite of Tashir in every way,” I declare, but even I can hear the shiver of uncertainty in my voice. And Delphine is staring into my soul like she knows about the traitorous thoughts I had when I first arrived on the mountain and saw the familiar hustle and bustle of the square. The children playing in the streets and the hardworking, dirt-streaked people.
“You can’t go on like this, Indira,” she persists. “You won’t be able to help either of our sisters if you run yourself into the ground. Don’t you trust me?”
