Rowenna shoots him a lethal glare. “It’s the truth, and allowing me to use her body is what Vallista would have wanted. Trust me.” She turns to me imploringly, and I toss my hands with exasperation.
“How am I supposed to trust you when you’ve lied about so many things?”
“I didn’t want to lie or keep secrets from you, Indira, but I didn’t have a choice. I’m more than happy to answer your questions now, but we should do itwhilewe journey back to Tashir instead of wasting time on this freezing mountaintop.”
“What aboutthis?” I reach over Alaric to snatch the broken length of chain from the pebbles. “How in the name of the kings is there a ‘memory’ of your death when you’re still alive?”
“Listen to you! Swearing in the name of the kings—just likethem.” Rowenna shakes her head with disbelief. “Thank goodness we’re leaving before they indoctrinate you further.”
“Answer me!” I roar. “Where did that memory come from?”
Rowenna’s thick brows shoot up her forehead. “When did you become so snippy and demanding?”
“Oh, I don’t know—maybe when you faked your death and tricked me into stabbing the boy I love! Or maybe I’ve been like this all along, but we never knew it because I wasn’t allowed to think or act for myself.”
Rowenna waits, stone-faced, until I finish yelling. “No one canmakeyou think anything, Indira. Youwantedme to tell you what to do and think because you’ve always been too weak and indecisive to trust yourself.”
I flinch, and Alaric’s fingers curl around mine in a weak squeeze. Comforting me, even as he lies dying—at my hand.
“You love me?” His voice is barely a whisper, but the smile on his face is as bright as the stars overhead.
A sob tears up my throat, and I increase the pressure on his wound, sending a silent prayer up to Earth Mother to preserve his life.
None of it feels like enough.
Ro forges on.“I know all of this must feel like a shock, but I assure you, everything has worked out perfectly. I wanted to involve you from the beginning, but I feared you wouldn’t be able to win the Vanzadorians’ trust if you knew the truth. You’ve never been a good liar. Do you remember the time Birdie caught you—”
“Stop!” I yell, making Ro jump. “We don’t have time for this. Alaric needs a healer.Now.”
Rowenna folds her arms and holds her ground, tilting her chin in that brash way I’ve been trying so hard to emulate. Except it looks different now. Less bold and brave, and more vicious and calculating.
“No one is going back down the mountain until you and I are realigned,” she says.
“I have no desire to realign with someone I can’t trust,” I volley back.
“What are you talking about? I’ve answered your questions. And I’ll happily answer more, but let’s do itwhilewe travel back to Tashir.Cut out the gemstones, and let’s be on our way.”
I shake my head and position myself protectively over Alaric, whose breaths have grown disconcertingly shallow. “I’m not goinganywhereuntil you’ve explainedeverything.”
Rowenna sighs and looks up at the sky. “I can’t believe you’re being so unreasonable.
“Tell me where the false memory of your death came from!” I shout.
Rowenna blinks at me for several seconds before she finally says, “I created it.”
“What do you mean youcreatedit? You can’t justcreatememories of events that didn’t happen.”
“Of course you can. People misremember things all the time. Haven’t you ever heard someone describe a party in such detail you’d swear you were in attendance? Or maybe you’ve retold a friend’s embarrassing story so many times you forget it didn’t actually happen to you? Memories are slippery, persuasible things. Especially if the mind is in a weakened state.”
Goose bumps break out across my skin, and I hug my arms around my chest. “What does that even mean? Weakenedhow?”
“How do you think?” Rowenna’s dark eyes lock on mine.
Every muscle in my body pulls taut, braced for the word I know she’s going to say—the one word I don’t want to hear.
“With bagrava, of course.”
Forty-Five
