Serik sighs and shuffles closer. “Please don’t shut me out. And don’t shut the shepherds out either. We need to stick together or everything will devolve into chaos.”
I raise a skeptical brow as if to say,Hasn’t it already?
“Morechaos,” Serik amends.
After a quiet minute I say, “We need to stick together. You and me. If the shepherds see you doubting my plans, I have zero chance of earning their respect or leading an uprising against Kartok and Temujin and the Imperial Army. Don’t you see how they look at me? How they whisper and shy away? And did you see the scouts? They’re not even trying to find Sawtooth Mesa. No one is taking this seriously, because they want me to fail.”
I rip up the gnarled shoots growing through the rocks and toss the oily leaves into the pond. The little fish swarm to the surface, snapping at one another as if these are the last scraps of food on earth. The water clouds with red, and it feels so fitting. So telling. I’m being eaten alive by my own.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Serik says. “No one wants you to fail. They wouldn’t have followed us into the desert if they didn’t think this was their best chance at survival. Sabotaging you would only hurt themselves.”
My hair tangles across my face as I shake my head. “You don’t understand, because they adore you. They need your heat. But they treat me like a faulty cannon liable to explode at any second.”
“I know it’s difficult after everything you’ve been through, but if you want someone to trustyou,it might be helpful if you try to trustthem.Something as simple as a compromise, or even just acknowledging their concerns, could go a long way.”
I laugh. I’m not about to trust anyone else. Not after Temujin. And Ghoa. And Kartok. And the Sky King. The list just keeps growing.
Serik scoots closer. The otherworldly heat of his body is even more pronounced in this remote cavern. It prickles across my skin like sunshine. “If you can’t trust them, trust me.” His warm fingers glide across my cheek and curl around my ear. I scrunch my eyes shut and let my forehead plunk against his chin. The parchment and pine ink scent of the monastery is fading from his cloak and robes. Now he smells of wild: of sun and sand and smoldering wood. It suits him even more.
“We can’t give up,” I whisper. “Minoak is close. I can feel it.”
“We have to give them something, En.”
“Fine,” I relent. “We’ll send the scouts one more time. If they don’t find King Minoak in five days, we can enter Lutaar City.”
Every word slashes my mouth like a knife. It’s the last promise I want to make. But I know it’s what Serik wants to hear, and the gesture goes a long way. His eyes squish into crescents and his lips quirk into a crooked smile. He presses a light kiss to my forehead, then takes my hand. Leading me back to the shepherds, who won’t be nearly as grateful.
“You and her are welcome to stay here and twiddle your thumbs as long as you want!” Iree booms when Serik announces our plan. “I’m leaving at first light.”
Cheers of agreement fill the entire system of caves. The roar can probably be heard from Nashab Marketplace in the heart of Lutaar City.
“Do you think it’s wise to march into an occupied city in broad daylight?” I shout over them. “It would be far more prudent to enter under the cover of darkness so the imperial warriors can’t track your every move. And you need me to do that.”
The shepherds wave me off. I know I should keep my lips stitched tight and let Serik reason with them—he’ll get far better results—but their cold dismissal, after everything I’ve done for them, makes my temper bubble over like a lidded pot. I snatch a handful of the black tendrils flapping around my face and drench the cavern in darkness.
Screams ping from wall to wall, and I momentarily revel in their terror. In their helplessness. If they insist on treating me like a monster, I might as well give them something to fear.
My conscience flares at the thought, and I immediately loosen my grip on the night. This is how Ghoa would think. This is how she would react: with harsh threats and vicious punishment.
Serik blinks over at me, his brows crumpled and his lips pursed, conveying exactly what he’s thinking:What are you doing? Stop driving an even larger wedge between yourself and the group.
I toss my hands in frustration and shoot him an equally pointed look:Thendosomething. Make them agree. You’re the one who suggested we compromise.
Serik closes his eyes and rubs his temples. His voice is hollow and ragged when he speaks, “If you don’t agree to support this final scouting mission, I won’t provide heat.”
The shepherds recoil, looking at Serik the way they’ve always looked at me.
“It’s only five more days,” he says feebly.
“Less if you locate King Minoak quickly,” I cut in, turning to the scouts. “Replenish your rations and prepare to leave immediately.”
Lalyne sets her jaw and regards me for a long, uncomfortable minute, her lined face hard and her eyes even harder. I stare back. Grudgingly, she nods and the other two scouts snatch up their satchels and clomp toward the supply cavern.
When Azamat sees us, he rises from his stool and lets us pass with an official wave of his staff. The rations are divided by variety: grain in the far corner, dried meat in the other, and cheese made from goat’s milk along the far wall. “You may each take a parcel of cheese and two strips of meat from the sacks labeled for the coming week,” I say.
The scouts rummage through the supplies and end up clustered around the meat. “There isn’t a bag marked with those dates,” Lalyne says loudly. Loud enough for any shepherd who might have followed us to hear.
“What do you mean there isn’t a bag?” I hurry to the ever-dwindling pile. “I took inventory again just a few hours ago and everything was in order.” I paw through the sacks again, only to discover Lalyne is right. An entire sack of meat is missing.
