“This is no time to joke,” I cut in. “What’s your plan, Serik? Temujin and the others will return any second, and they’re not going to be happy to see you.”
“What do you mean ‘What’s your plan’? I’m free, which means we can leave this godforsaken place. I assume you know how to get back to Ashkar after completing your missions? Grab a satchel and fill it with anything useful.”
He starts rummaging through Inkar’s belongings, tossing a red ribbon, a single dress that isn’t Shoniin gray, and a little felt prayer doll embroidered with the nameTaimarto the floor.
The sight of it drives needles of guilt into my side.
“Don’t just stand there,” Serik urges. “You’re the one who said we need to hurry.”
“I can’t do this.”
“It’s just a few tunics and some food. I promise she won’t miss it.”
“No, Serik, I can’t run away.”
The rations in Serik’s arms hit the floor. “What are you talking about? We’re not running away. We’reescaping.They’re holding us hostage—and blackmailing you, in case you somehow forgot.”
I let out a long, slow breath and try to collect my thoughts. “Temujin’s methods can be extreme, but his intentions are noble. He’s doing so much good.” Serik scoffs, but I speak over him. “The Shoniin are feeding the shepherds starving on the winter grazing lands, as well as the people suffering in the Protected Territories. They are rescuingchildrenfrom the war front—boys and girls who were stolen from their beds and sent to fight without a day of training. Did you know conscription is mandatory in the Protected Territories, as repayment for induction into the Unified Empire? And the only reason the Shoniin are encouraging desertion is so we’ll have leverage to force the Sky King into a compromise. I’ve been helping Temujin draft the missives to Ghoa. The Shoniin are offering to unite with the Imperial Army against the Zemyans, but only if the king agrees to give the Protected Territories the support and prosperity he initially promised.”
Serik laughs—a forced pop of breath. “Listen to you! You sound like a fully indoctrinated member of the group.”
“If you saw the conditions at the war front, you’d understand. There are heaps of bodies as tall as manure piles. We have no prayer of winning if things continue as they are. And it’s even worse in the Protected Territories. The Sky King is executing Verdenese men who refuse to remove their earrings. He tore down every marketplace, making it impossible to earn an honest living. My people are suffering.”
“Since when are you so concerned with Southern affairs?” Serik blurts, pointing to the prayer doll Temujin brought me, still clutched to my chest.
He saysSouthern affairsas if the people and customs from Verdenet are as strange and repugnant as Zemyan magic. As if I am strange for wanting to preserve them, for wanting to salvage a piece of my original identity. “Why shouldn’t I be concerned for my homeland? It’s the only connection I have to my past, to my family. Remembering them helps me not to feel so alone.”
Serik drags his hands down his face. “That came out wrong. I’m not asking you to turn your back on them. Of course I’d never want that. I’m just asking you not to turn your back on me, as you have Ghoa—to hell with your former life and everyone in it.” His voice is small and cracked, and he adds, “Have you truly felt alone all this time?”
My indignation dries up instantly.
I take him by the hands and look into his eyes, worming my way into the innermost part of his soul, like he did to me on our journey to Qusbegi. “I haven’t turned my back on anyone. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I want to work with youandGhoaandthe Shoniin. Ending this war will require all of us coming together. I know you’re angry with Temujin for keeping you detained, and you have every right to be, but I’m not asking you to trust him. I’m asking you to trustme.This is the chance we’ve always dreamed of—all those days we spent lying in the grass. We can finally make the king, and all of Ashkar, see that we’re good enough. That we’ve always been good enough.”
Serik gazes back at me from beneath his brows. His eyes are the same murky green-brown they’ve always been, but now they look different. Vacant. As if a curtain has been drawn shut, and I’m on the outside. “In my dreams, we were free inourrealm. Not some otherworldly hideout surrounded by deserters. And I don’t give a damn what the king thinks. Why should we risk our necks to help him and the people now when they’ve made it perfectly clear this isn’t our battle? They don’t want us. We aren’t warriors.”
But that’s where Serik’s wrong.
I will always be a warrior. I will always prefer a saber to a cooking pot. A quiet life, tending a flock of sheep, will never fill me with the same buzzing in my limbs and ringing in my ears as charging toward the enemy. The Lady of the Sky blessed me with a portion of Her power. She trusted me to use it to protect Her land and people. I cannot shirk my responsibility. And I don’t want to. I have finally unburied Enebish the Warrior. Ifinallyfeel like myself again. I’m not ready to give that up. Not now.
Not ever.
“I can’t run away. It’s not who I am.” I look up at Serik, not begging, but with a steady gaze and firm jaw. A girl who knows where she stands. A girl who hopes her best friend will choose to stand beside her. “I don’t think it’s who you are either. Apologize for burning the supply shack and pledge your loyalty….”
“I can’t.”
A tear slips down my cheek, and I scrape it away with a vicious swipe. “You can’t or you won’t?”
“I won’t. Temujin is a damned snake charmer, mesmerizing all of you with his noble promises and flashing that flawless smile so no one will suspect when he strikes. I don’t know what he’s really up to, but I won’t be part of it.”
“So where does that leave us?” I ask.
Serik adjusts his cloak and takes a step back. “I’ll go my way, and you’ll go yours.”
“Where will you even go?
Serik shrugs. “Anywhere is better than here.”
“But it’s not! If you return to Ashkar, Ghoa will be hunting you. And Temujin has scouts everywhere. If they realize you’re alive, they’ll do whatever it takes to silence you. You know too much; you could compromise the location of the Ram’s Head.” My hands flutter like frantic birds. I have to bury them in my tunic to keep them from digging their talons into Serik’s wrist.
