Eventually, I excuse myself to take a shower. The crew are busy milling around as usual. Carter is talking with Garrett and Blake near the center of camp, which gives me pause. Blake notices and waves me over, dismissing Carter before I get there.
“Dean! There you are. I wanted to talk to you,” she says, smiling brightly. Garrett, uncharacteristically of him, stays silent and just a step behind her, but still watching.
“Am I in trouble?” It’s always my first thought.
“No, not at all. I wanted to ask you how Seyoon’s been holding up. I haven’t run into her today, but I figured you might be a better person to ask.”
That gets my attention. “Why wouldn’t Seyoon be okay?”
Blake looks around before holding her clipboard to her chest and stepping forward. Her brows are pinched in worry.
“Well, her breakdown at the trivia challenge was a point of concern, obviously. I know she’s under a lot of pressure, and seeing her mother seemed to worsen things.”
My eyebrows jump. “Seyoon’s told you why she’s under a lot of pressure?”
Blake laughs. “No, but I heard her talking to her mother yesterday before the challenge. Caught the lowdown.” She taps my clip-on mic. “Come on. You’re our resident reality-TV expert; surely you know we’re always listening.”
The idea of Seyoon’s sensitive conversation with her mom being caught on tapeandbroadcast to the world makes my stomach fold.I’m never going to enjoy reality TV again after this,I think.
“I just want to make sure the stress isn’t getting to her.” Apprehension drips from Blake’s every word. “With how bad her family’s situation is, I know her standing in the game must be weighing heavily on her. Frankly, if she doesn’t do well in tomorrow’s challenge, she could be going home.” The woman lays her hand on my shoulder, squeezing. “As someone who clearly cares about her, I’m sure you’re already thinking about this.”
The reminder of everything Seyoon—sweet, sunny Seyoon—is going through is an iron grip of guilt around my heart. She has so much on the line, and she never lets it show. An image pops into my mind of her face when we kissed on the dock yesterday. She looked even more beautiful than ever in the soft, private glow of the sunset. I wish I could pocket that moment in time and hold on to it forever.
But we don’t have forever. Semifinals are tomorrow. And Seyoon could lose so much more than a million dollars.
“Dean?”
I startle. Both Blake and Garrett are watching me now. Blake seems worried, but I can’t get a read on Garrett’s expression.
“Sorry,” I say. “I hear you. I’ll keep an eye on her.”
“Good.” Blake squeezes my arm once more and steps back. “The number of points you collectively earn—andhave to split—entirely determines who makes it to the finale.” She lowers her voice and smiles. “I hope the both of you make it.”
I smile distractedly, then she lets me go. Now it’s Blake’s words that race in my mind. I want to win, of course. And I also want Seyoon.Ofcourse.
For just the tiniest fraction of a second, I let myself entertain the idea that Seyoon kissed me back yesterday for the same reason I wanted to kiss her. That she may want me, too.
It doesn’t matter, though, whether it’s true or not. Because the reality is that I don’t need to guess which one Seyoon needs more: me or the money that will save her family. The only question left unanswered is, which doIneed more?
When I first realized I had fallen for Seyoon, back under that sky full of constellations she spent all night pointing out to me, I didn’t know what I was going to do about my feelings.
But I know now.
35
MY PATIENCE VS. THE AUDACITY. WHO WILL WIN? LET’S FIND OUT!
SEYOON
Either it’s just a coincidence or Garrett is an irritating son of a bitch on purpose, but he always takes an extra long time on his intro spiel when it’s devastatingly hot outside. He cuts mid-sentence and asks to start over because a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead and “We can’t have that on tape. Are you serious? America can’t think the sexiest host of all time has body odor. Which he doesn’t.”
Me, Carter, Vendredi, and Dean shift impatiently in our swimsuits, the rocks of the lake’s shore digging into our bare feet. Not the one at camp—we’re on another private lot, this one with its own lake. It’s about as big as Summit Lake, but it’s missing the surrounding forest and mountain scenery. Nothing that can’t be added in post.
My attention keeps wandering to Dean standing stiffly next to me in line. I nudge him gently. “What’s up with you?”
He startles. “Nothing. I’m just nervous about the challenge.” He nods at the lake. “I’m not a good swimmer.”
“Is that it? Hey, don’t worry, I’ll carry us this round.” I flip my ponytail and flash him a grin. “I’ll earn enough points to get us through to the finale.”
