“Why?”
She climbs up the steps and leans against the railing. “Because your girlfriend wants to apologize. Isn’t that sweet? Excuse my reach, sweetie,” she says, manicured fingers reaching for the clip-on mic attached to the back of my shirt collar. I hear a click that I think means she turned it off.
“Am I in trouble?” I blurt.
She chuckles. “Trouble? You’re darling. Viewers will eat you up. Listen, Dean. You and Seyoon have some damage control to do after your fight yesterday. This romance of yours only benefits you if your competition thinks you two are solid, right? But now everyone knows you’re on the rocks. A public break-up requires a public reconciliation. That is—” One of her thin, plucked brows arches high. “If you still want to work with her. Because she wants to work withyou.”
“She does?” My heart thuds heavily. “I mean, yeah, so do I.”
“Of course you do. Come on, then, let’s go.”
I scramble to my feet and hurry to follow her down the porch and through the clearing. Vendredi, Siddharth, and Carter are being directed around by a modest film crew. I wonder where all the other cameras are, then immediately get my answer when Blake guides me to the space between the Crew’s Cabin and Garrett’s cabin.
It’s a cozy alcove and might even be a private place for a conversation like this, if it weren’t for all the crew members, Garrett, and the other campers still within eyeshot. Five cameras surround Seyoon, who looks stiff and uncomfortable against the wall.
Blake fixes my hair and straightens out my shirt. “I’ve already debriefed Seyoon,” she says under her breath for only me to hear.“She’s ready to play her part. I trust you will too.” Finally, she switches my mic back on and flashes me a dazzling smile. “Don’t feel awkward. Pretend like we aren’t here.”
Wow. Why haven’t I thought of doing that earlier?
I take a deep breath and turn around. Seyoon’s watching me. There’s a layer of ice over her face that nips at my skin when I drag my feet over and lean on the wall next to her. It takes all my concentration not to let my eyes flicker to one of the many stage lights and cameras mere feet away.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey.”
There’s a stilted exhaustion to her tone that I don’t think I would have picked up on when I first met her. But I know her too well by now to miss it.
“I… I’m glad we both survived elimination yesterday,” I begin, figuring it’s as good of a place to start as any. “I was worried about you.”
The side of Seyoon’s cheek puckers as she chews on it. It catches my attention, as it always does, and she stops as soon as she notices. Her words are deliberate and precise. “I know you were. I know that’s why you sided with Carter in the challenge. You were… only trying to look out for me and make sure we both made it to the next challenge.”
I blink, surprised. “Yeah. Yeah, exactly.”
Seyoon folds her arms over her stomach. Her gaze is fixed just below my eyes. She inhales deeply through her nose. “I’m sorry I blew up on you.”
“I’m sorry too. I said some things in the heat of the moment that I regret. I…”
The lights are so bright. All three of the other contestants have ditched whatever they were doing to not-so-subtly eavesdrop. Seyoon’s standing close enough that I could touch her if I wanted—which I do—and yet she feels completely out of reach.
This isn’t right. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. There’s so much I want to say to her, to make up for, but I can’t find the words to, not when every eye in this clearing is trained on me. Every gaze except the one I so desperately need to feel again. The fibers of my muscles strain under the tension ofhow badlyI need Seyoon to look at me the way she used to. I’d give anything to hear her spout off another dozen horrible, cheesy pet names just to get under my skin. Or her laugh, the one with the snorts and wheezes. I can’t stand her strained formality. I can’t stand her being disappointed with me. She’s more than a teammate to me—and isn’t this just the worst time to admit that? I should have said this to her sooner. She’s someone I admire, I respect. She’s my friend.
I want my friend back.
But right now, with the world watching, all I can choke out is another flimsy, inadequate, “I’m sorry, Seyoon,” and I hate myself for it.
My brain whirs like a computer running too hot, so without thinking, I reach out tentatively for her hand. She lets me hold it. The pads of my fingers draw lines across the scabs still healing on her palms.
Seyoon smiles at me, but it’s insincere. There’s no sun. “Me too. I know I said I wanted to end things but… will you…”
I spare her from having to finish. “Yes.” I squeeze her hand. “Partners.”
Pressure mounts in the cavity of my chest underneath all the words I swallowed down. It festers. Burning, aching.Spit it out, Dean.Speak.
Somebody clears their throat. Both of our heads whip around. It’s Blake.
“A kiss would seal the deal,” she suggests quietly.
Seyoon’s face reddens like a tomato. My heart trips over itself.
