Dean sighs, averting his gaze. The few birds awake at this hour chirp lazily in the surrounding trees. The waves of the lake slosh against the shore. Besides that, camp is asleep. It’s probably not six yet; filming hours haven’t started. The rare moment of privacy feels too intimate for that reason. I wait for him to speak, exhausting my kiddie-sized pool of patience.
He finally does: “You know, my sister Meredith was a Girl Scout, too.”
“This apology is ass.”
Dean gives me a look that saysI’m getting there.“She loved it. She was amazing, obviously, because she’s amazing at everything she does. My dad was so excited about it that he immediately signed me up for Boy Scouts, too.”
My eyebrows raise. “Then, how come you can’t tie a knot?”
“Because I quit after a week.”
“That still doesn’t explain the shoelaces.”
He rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “My dad let me quit. He said it was okay, but I could tell he was disappointed. So, even though I hated it, I asked Meredith to show me a few skills she learned. I thought I could surprise him. Make him happy.”
“Your poor sister,” I mutter. “How’d that go?”
“She said I was a lost cause and gave up after a day.” Dean finally looks up from the water to meet my eyes then. “I hate to admit it, but I… I suck at this. This rugged, outdoors, survival stuff, and…” He runs both his hands across his face, sighing into his palms. “And you don’t. You’re smart, and you’re better at this than me, but instead of being grateful that you tried to teach me, I was a jerk. I was ashamed and frustrated, and I took that frustration out on you. I’m sorry. I don’t deserve it, but will you give me another chance?Please?”
No one’s ever called me smart before.
Looking at him, I imagine Dean as a kid, his clumsy fingers smaller and even more uncoordinated, being the only one in his troop to struggle knotting a rope. What did he fill his time with when his sister was at Girl Scouts? Did he have to sit in the car while his dad dropped her off for trips? Was he quiet on the rides home, so that maybe his dad could pretend he had dropped off both of them?
The girl in lane five who beat me at swim championships was in track, too, I found out. She ran the 200m just like me. This spring at districts, we ended up in the same heat, and I crushed her by four and half seconds. I got gold, but Appa had already left us by that point. He didn’t stay and watch. I never got second chances with him. Umma didn’t either. Neither of us are the kind of people that life gives endless opportunities to—that’s why I have to get things right the first time. That’s why I have to win.
“Alright. It’s cold,” I eventually say. “Let’s head back.”
I purposefully paddle slower so that Dean can keep up, trying not to make it obvious, but when we reach the dock and pull ourselves up, he shoots me a shy, grateful smile as we dry off on the edge.
“I hate being bad at things, too,” I say, not as eloquent as I wanted, but there it is. “Failing sucks. Realizing you’re not good enough is the worst. I’ve been there.”
“I can’t imagine you not being good enough,” Dean says offhandedly as he scrunches lake water from his curls.
“You’d be the only one,” I reply. Tucking a wet strand of hair behind my ear, I mutter, “I’m sorry I gave up on you so easily yesterday. You’re not a lost cause.”
I don’t dare look over, but I hear a smile in the lilt of his voice when Dean says, “Thanks.”
I pull my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them as I gaze below. The water is so clear that I can see the multicolored rocks layered across the lake bed, distorted only by the rippling waves on the surface. I think about begging Appa to watch my swim meet. I think about how long Dean must have waited for me to circle the lake before he could join.
I’ve failed plenty of times, more than I’d like to admit and more than Dean could probably guess. It’s nice to be thought of as good enough for once.
“Seydean,” I test out.
“Yeah?” he replies.
“No, notsay, Dean.Sey-Dean. Like our names. Team Seydean. Has a nice ring to it, yeah?”
He gets a look on his face like he’s trying not to laugh, but he successfully holds it in. “You won naming rights, fair and square. Does that mean… ?”
I hold a fist out between us. “It means I’m giving you another chance to prove you want to worktogether. And I’m only offering this because I’m the kindest, most patient person on this mountain, but I don’t do third chances. Got it?”
Dean grins, maybe the first unabashed one I’ve seen from him. He knocks his knuckles against mine. “Yes, ma’am, Scoutmaster Shin.”
14
THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY YOUR LOCAL FARMERS’ MARKET
DEAN
