Campers! I am thrilled to welcome all twelve of you to the reboot of America’s favorite reality show. Welcome toForest Feud.
“…Huh. Was expecting more of a rambunctious applause there,” Garrett says, breaking his announcer voice. “That’s okay. We can edit that in post. Anyway—”
I’m your gracious host, Garrett Moxley, winner of the last season ofForest Feud. I bring that upnotbecause I’m still holding on to my claim to fame from twenty years ago—despite what the Internet likes to say—but because it’s relevant to all of you, as six of you here are related to someone who won like I did, while the other six are related to someone who lost. Talk about tension.
I glare at Garrett hard enough that my eyes strain, but if he notices, he doesn’t let it show.
Just like your family members, the twelve of you will compete in thrilling challenges, plus obstacle courses in places and elevations we’ve never gone to before, with an all-new elimination system to really turn up the heat. Excited yet?
A girl somewhere down the line lets out an enthusiastic, “Whoo!” Garrett finger guns at her.
Now that’s more like it! Let me introduce the rules.
You will compete in six high-stakes challenges to earn points that will determine your ranking. The player with the fewest points after each challenge goes home and kisses their shot at the million-dollargrand prize goodbye. However, there are also a few challenges wheremorethan one player will get the boot. Anxious yet? Good!
Any questions?
“Yeah,” says another contestant, raising their hand. “Where do we, like, sleep?”
“And when can we put our bags away?” somebody else pipes up. “I’m sick of dragging this thing around.”
You’ll be happy to hear that we haveexcellentaccommodations arranged for you. And by excellent, I mean eight twin-size bunks in that cozy cabin over there, probably without bedbugs.
I see some gears turning in your heads. “But Garrett, there are twelve of us?”
Not for long!
Players, get ready for your very first challenge, Mountain Marathon: a race through the woods to determine which of you gets to claim one of those beds and which of you are going home today without even unpacking your things. The top eight players get to stay, and the last four are going bye-bye. Isn’t this exciting? Who’s excited?
“Yeah!” I shout, uncaring that I’m the only one who answered. The guy I bumped into gives me a sideways look, but I hardly register it over my exhilaration.
The others in line groan and complain about how they weren’t warned, this isn’t fair, “I’m wearing brand-new Jordans!” But I’ve never been more eager. I placed in the top three at state for the 400m and 100m last fall, and got first in the 200m.
I start stretching immediately. Will the race start here? Makes sense we’d begin at camp. But, to my surprise, all the crew members start packing up their equipment.
The boy on the other side of Sunburn notices, too. “What’s going on?”
Blake steps forward. “Field-trip time. We only have permits to lodge and film on the grounds, so all of our challenges have to be on private property.”
“But isn’t this just a race?” I ask. “You don’t need a permit to take a jog.”
The woman grins, a sparkle of excitement in her gray eyes. “Oh. It’s alittlemore than that.”
Adrenaline rushes through me. I lean backward to see past the row of people and spot Dean at the end, looking like he’s about to shit himself. He glances my way. He’s not grinning anymore. Good. I stick my tongue out at him, and he turns a satisfying berry red.
He’s going down.
5
EITHER EVERYONE HERE IS AN IDIOT,OR I NEED TO GIVE MYSELF MORE CREDIT
DEAN
Yeah. I’m going down.
Okay, let’s try framing that more positively. I’mnotgoing down. As the #1 bestseller in self-help books for teens—Help! I’m Sweating More Than I Used To: Surviving Puberty—says, “Act as if you are not afraid, and gradually you won’t be.” Although I think they stole that quote from Teddy Roosevelt.
But I can’t tame my worries as we hike back down the trail to the parking lot, where us contestants are ushered into one sleek black bus, and the camera crew pack themselves into three others. Just my luck that the first challenge relies on speed, something I don’t have. How can I make up for my points through the strategy-based games when the slowest four people are going home right now? I could beat a first grader in a race on a good day, maybe a third grader on a very good day, buttoday?Any energy I had left after my flight I exhausted trying to get up this goddamn mountain and then arguing with a beautiful, annoying girl.
