“Yes. I want you, Luca.”
Our lips met again, the kiss deep, passionate—as if we’d both been starving, and this was the feast neither of us had dared dream of. Her fingers fisted my shirt, and I couldn’t get close enough. I slid a hand into her hair, the silky strands tangling between my fingers as my other hand found her waist. I squeezed, my palms trying to memorize the feel ofher.
We kissed for a few dizzying seconds before I found the self-control to pull back a few inches. There was a reason I’d drawn a line we weren’t supposed to cross.
She searched my face hesitantly, looking for answers to an unknown question. I waited, holding her gaze and letting her decide whether she wanted to voice her thoughts.
“Will you come inside?”
Jesus fucking Christ.
I loved it when Matilda asked for what she wanted.
Andfuck,I wanted to. So badly. My jeans felt tight as my dick twitched eagerly at the thought of burying myself inside Matilda. I’d struggled to think of much else since the dressing room a few weeksago.
And as much as it killed me, I hadn’t tried to repeat it. I wantedMatilda to assert her desires without my influence. But now that she had? I was worried about where it might lead, even though I knew I could trust Matilda.
If I got the part, I wouldn’t be around for at least a year for filming. That was no way to start a relationship. We’d be living completely different lives—and I didn’t want to be another person Matilda had to juggle in her life. She deserved so much more than that.
My hesitation must have spooked her. “That was silly. Sorry, I’ve already asked you to be my chauffeur tonight—”
“I wantto—”
“You don’t need to protect my feelings. It’s fine, Luca.”
“I want to come in sofuckingbadly, Matilda. Ido.”
“But?” she prompted, and despite myself, pride swelled in my chest at her assertiveness.
“Is it a good idea? We haven’t got long left on the show, and this will all come to an end…” I spoke the words despite how sour they tasted on my tongue.
“It can be just once—just to see.”
“It feels like we’re setting ourselves up for failure.”For heartbreak.I wanted to cave so badly, but would once ever be enough? We hadn’t even had sex and I was bordering on obsessed withher.
“But at least we would’ve tried,” she said, searching my face, and whatever she found made her shoulders sag. The light in her eyes dimmed and a small, resigned smile rested on her lips. “You’re right.” She nodded. In our shared gaze, there was mutual longing. Bittersweet understanding settled between us, pulling me in two opposite directions.
“Good night, Stevens.” I spoke the words, but the voice didn’t sound like mine.
“Night, Luca,” she replied.
Forcing myself to stop acting like a malfunctioning robot, Iturned on my heel. The sound of Matilda’s door clicking shut echoed down the hall, and I released a tight breath.
What am I doing?
I wanted to go back, knock on her door, and fuck her into next week. But I also wanted to protect us from any potential heartbreak. I’d built iron walls around my heart and tried so hard to ensure that no one penetrated them. Matilda hadn’t even had to try; she had melted them down with her wide smiles, annoyingly infectious laughter, and relentless chitter-chatter over the past few months.
It can be just once—just to see…At least we would’ve tried.
I froze mid-step. Could I really spend the rest of my life not knowing? Not knowing how it felt to be with Matilda, even just once? I knew someone like Matilda wouldn’t come around twice in a lifetime. Was I really about to let that slip through my fingers?
If she was happy to deal with the consequences tomorrow, then I could,too.
My body moved of its own accord as I stormed back to her door and rapped my knuckles against it. Light footsteps sounded on the other side, each passing second feeling like time was moving in slow motion.
The door swung open.
“Luca, what’s wrong?”
