I shrugged, ignoring the sour burning in my stomach.You are such an asshole, Luca.“Why not just make up another lie to tell them? I assumed you would have told them I was ill or something.”
“Another lie?” She tilted her head.
“You don’t have trouble lying normally.”
She let out a frustrated breath and stormed closer. “What on earth are you going on about?”
“You never tell anyone how you really feel. You just smile and say everything is OK, when it clearly isn’t.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I didn’t think her voice could be pitched any higher. “Youstoodmeup after I repeatedly told you how important this event was, and now you’ve followed me here to—what? Insult me? And not only that, insult me about being nice?”
“Being nice to people to their face while secretly hating them doesn’t make you nice, it makes you fake.”
“Makes mefake? Really? Have you lost your mind?” She threw her hands in the air. Her cheeks blazed red, her words crackling with heat. Her anger was palpable, and it was the first time I’d seen her so raw and alive.
“If you’re only being nice to people to get them to trust you, then it’s fake. It’s manipulation.”
“So I’m suddenly manipulative just because I’m not ignoring everyone like they’re beneath me or refusing to make a bit of small talk with my co-stars?Youwalk around like no one here is worth your time!” She pointed a finger atme.
“If you think that, why haven’t you said anything? Why pretend everything is fine when you want to scream atme?”
“I could say the same to you! If you hated methismuch and thought I was lying the whole time, why not call me out? Why constantly antagonize me into—what? Revealing myself like you’re some moral messiah?”
“I’ve been pretty upfront about my feelings toward you, while you’re still trying to pretend like we’re best friends to my face and bitching about me behind it.” She opened her mouth, but I continued. “And don’t deny it, because I heard you this morning on the phone with Lily.” She flinched at my words, guilt crossing her face. “I don’t care what you said, Matilda. Frankly, it was all valid—I’ve been a jerk. I’m pissed you wouldn’t say it to my face!”
“Because I don’t want to!” She ran her hands through her hair, tugging it slightly. “So what if you make me feel like shit when we work together? I deal with it myself. There’s no point in bringing it up, especially when we have to spend every day together, and I don’t want you feeling bad as a result.”
I couldn’t process her words, my anger fogging the rational part of my brain. Our chests were heaving rapidly with our breaths, our voices echoing through the practice rink. There was barely a yard between us, the air ready to snap.
“Do you ever tell anyone what you think? Or do you live in a constant state of being spineless?”
As loud as my closing words were, the silence that followed in their wake was just as jarring. We stared at each other, and I felt the wedge between us growing by the second.
Matilda’s mouth finally opened to say something, but her lip wobbled and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. Her breaths became shallower, and the rise and fall of her chest was no longer in sync with mine.
A sickening churn twisted my gut as a sharp pang of regret washed over me, and I wished I could take the past few minutes back.
We jumped apart as a shrill ringtone echoed from Matlida’s purse. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the ceiling, looking more exhausted than I’d ever seenher.
You caused that, asshole.
Her throat bobbed with a swallow, and she turned, the yellow fabric of her dress now somehow less bright. Picking her phone up from her purse, she looked at the screen, only hesitating for a moment before answering.
“Hey. Yes, Mum?…I had to go. I didn’t feel very well…I know—” Her voice cracked. The trembling sent a sinking feeling straight into my stomach. “I promise, they got some good footage of me before I left…I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know he wasn’t coming…I’ll try next time, I promise…No, I’m not crying, I just don’t feel very well…OK, good night.”
Matilda hung up the phone.
Still facing the other way, she bowed her head. My throat tightened, the pressure building with every word I didn’tsay.
I had whiplash from the different emotions I’d experienced allday.
I would never forget how it felt to see her so deflated.
It was fucking awful.
“Matilda—”
“Please leave, Luca.” She stayed completely still, her voice a whisper. “Just go. I’m exhausted and upset, and I don’t want to see anyone.”
