I searched her face, a crease forming between my brows when instead of the pride I’d been hoping for, pity and sadness flickered across her features.
“So the whole reason you’re doing the show is for me? So you can audition for the part inDirty Dancingbefore I die.” Her words were like a whip, and I flinched.
“Don’t say it like that.” A wave of sorrow washed over me at the thought of her not being there. I swallowed, willing the rushing in my ears to settle, as it made it difficult to think straight.
She smiled but didn’t correct herself. “Do you want the part in the film?”
My answer was immediate. “Yes.”
“Take me out of the equation, Luca.” She put her hand on mine. “Doyouwant the part in the film?”
My response lingered in the silence that followed, hesitation burying itself deep in my bones. “I want it for you.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s your film, Mom.” I held her hand in mine, her skin soft and warm. “I did nothing but disappoint you when we were in America. You’d given up so much of your life to give me mine, and I wasted it. I want to give back to you.”Before you die,I leftout.
She released a long breath, eyes softening with some kind of realization.
“You won’t understand this yet because you don’t have children.” She stroked my hand, the gentle caress transporting me straight back to childhood. “All a parent ever wants for their child is for them to behappy. I have always been proud of you. I was never disappointed in your actions, Luca. You were thrown into that world at such a young age, and there were bound to be tests along the way. I was sad because you became this person who was so bitter and angry at the world.”
She held my gaze for a moment, letting the words sink in. A lump formed in my throat, and my sight blurred until I had to look away. When I’d been wrapped up in Nancy, I hadn’t cared about how my reckless behavior affected my mother, hadn’t stopped to think about how it must have felt to see my face splashed across the tabloids every week.
She waited until our eyes met again before she continued, “I wouldn’t care if you never acted again, if that’s what you wanted.”
“But you seemed so excited when I told you I was going back toit.”
“Because I hated seeing you so guarded and shut off from the world. The last few months in L.A., you were completely miserable. Then, when we moved here, you put all your time into looking after me. I wasn’t excited because you were going to be acting again; I was excited that you were going to startlivingagain.”
“I want to make you happy, though.”
She wiped the stray tear from my cheek with a shaky hand.
“My lovely boy, your happiness makes me happy. I don’t wantyou to chase a part in a film where you have to prove your worth to the producers, especially if you don’t even want the part. And deep down, you know that. Otherwise, you would have told me all those months ago the real reason you were going onStars on Ice.”
She was right.
“And what about Matilda?” she asked, the warmth of her smile wrapping aroundme.
The thumping in my chest was now for a completely different reason. Just at the mention of my skating partner’s name, I was like a lovesick puppy.
“What about her?” I coughed away the emotion clogging my throat, attempting to find my voice again.
A flicker of amusement danced in her eyes, but I feigned ignorance. “What about Matilda, Mom?”
“Does she make you happy?”
“Of course she does,” I answered truthfully, before adding, “she’s my friend.”
“That kiss didn’t look like friends. Actually, none of your season has looked like just ‘friends.’ ”
“We agreed to it for the show. More publicity increased our chances of winning.”
She raised a skeptical brow. “Everyone else might believe that, but I don’t. You can’t be coerced into doing anything you don’t want to do. You’ve been headstrong since the day you were born.”
“I didn’t need coercing. I did it because I wanted the part inDirty Dancing.”
“So why did you bring her here, then?” I sifted through my thoughts, searching for a logical reason. It certainly hadn’t been for the show. “Do you like her?”
