“Hi.”
For a second, he hesitated, his eyes on me. It looked like he wanted to say something else. But he didn’t. Without another word, he walked away, disappearing down the hall and into his bedroom.
It felt like my heart dropped right through the couch and onto the floor. I set my book down—I’d hardly been aware of what I was reading anyway—and pulled the blanket higher up my lap.
Regrets. Theo had regrets. I should have said no.
Not that I’d wanted to say no. My desire for him had been overwhelming. But maybe we could have avoided the mess we were in.
Because it felt like everything was unraveling.
I’d tried so hard to be nonchalant in the morning, as if everything was fine. We were still just friends. Roommatesgetting ready for our workday. Like nothing extraordinary had happened the night before.
But on the inside? I’d been a mess. Still was.
It wasn’t that I regretted sleeping with him. I just hated this feeling of awkward separation. Like we suddenly didn’t know how to be around each other.
He was trying as hard as I was to pretend nothing had changed. I could hear it in his voice and see it in the way he looked at me.
I wondered if he’d been half as distracted at school as I had. I’d fumbled and stumbled and forgotten things, losing my train of thought mid-lecture during at least four different classes. I’d almost started my juniors and seniors on a project we’d already finished, and my freshman and sophomores were so confused when I’d asked them to set up their stations for painting, when they were supposed to be doing sketches.
And lunch with him? Agony. He’d been right there next to me, but the entire time I’d felt the gulf between us. So close, yet so far away.
I didn’t know what I should do. Go talk to him? Tell him I was sorry, could we please just be friends again?
Everything was too complicated. I had big feelings for Theo Haven, and not because we’d slept together. Not even because it had been the single most incredible night of my life. I very much had more-than-friends feelings, but they were for a man I couldn’t have.
Or at least, a man I couldn’t keep. Because he was leaving.
Even if our night together had been as good for him as it was for me—which was hard to believe—we couldn’t take the next step. Where would that lead? Dating for a while, and then what? A long-distance relationship? For how long?
I couldn’t leave Grandma Colleen. She didn’t have anyone else. Besides, I was getting ahead of myself. I had no reason tobelieve Theo wanted a relationship. In fact, I had every reason to believe he didn’t. He’d told me so himself.
There was only one thing to do. Keep my tangled mess of feelings to myself and wait for Theo to realize he didn’t need to regret sleeping with me. We could still be friends, and everything would be fine.
He didn’t come out right away, so I decided to make dinner. I’d cooked last, and we’d eased into a pattern of taking turns, but I didn’t mind. It would give me something to do. Keep my mind off Theo and all my feelings for a while.
There was ground beef defrosted in the fridge, so I decided on spaghetti. It was simple, but one of my favorite comfort foods. I set to work browning the meat and boiling water for pasta.
I found a jar of marinara sauce in the cupboard but didn’t see any spaghetti noodles. It seemed like I’d bought some, but after rooting around, I didn’t find any.
The lack of spaghetti almost made me burst into tears in the middle of the kitchen.
I took a shaky breath and bit my lower lip to keep the tears from spilling. What was wrong with me? We had other pastas, I could totally make do. I grabbed a box of linguine and set it next to the stove.
The water came to a boil, and I put some pasta in the pot. The steam fogged up my glasses. Stepping back, I took them off to wipe them clean.
The fuzzy outline of Theo appeared in the kitchen doorway, startling me so much I yelped and dropped my glasses.
“Sorry,” Theo said, and I could see his form crouch down to pick them up for me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I didn’t hear you coming.”
He straightened and moved in front of me. The first thing that came into focus as he gently slipped on my glasses was hisface. That handsome face with deep blue eyes and a chiseled, stubbly jaw.
My traitorous body tingled at his proximity. His hair was damp, and he smelled deliciously clean. Almost of their own accord, my lips parted, and I lifted my chin.
Something like pain, or maybe just concern, crossed his features.
