“Like fuck you will,” she mutters flatly.
“—Victoria, my darling, tell me about your life. It’s been far too long since we’ve spoken.”
I reach for the wine bottle and refill my glass.
“Ah,” Keith says. “So it’s like that. Tell Uncle Keith everything—I promise I’ll make it better.”
“You’re not that much older than me,” I mutter.
“Quite right. And with those bags under your eyes, I actually lookyoungerthan you, but that’s besides the point. You simply need to get some beauty sleep and straighten out your skincare routine. Now, spill—and I don’t mean the wine. You look like you need it.”
I inhale a deep breath… and everything comes pouring out. The team, the management, my ongoing but ridiculous feud with Asher. My talk with my brother, the balls on Reynard… all of it.
Delilah pours herself a glass of red at some point during my rant and sips on it. Keith goes to his kitchen and makes himself a bowl of popcorn. If I didn’t know my best friends quite well at this stage, I might be offended… but I can’t blame them. My life feels like a TV drama that deserves at least five seasons.
“Huh,” Keith says at the end of my rant. “Well, it sounds like that Asher fella has a major hard-on for you.”
It takes a moment for his words to truly penetrate. When they do, I give my head a disbelieving shake. “What?”
“The driver,” Delilah clarifies, nodding. “For once, I agree with Keith. He sure dedicates a lot of energy into hating you.” She gives a wistful sigh. “Hate sex is the best sex.”
“You should know; it’s your area of expertise,” Keith sing-songs.
“That’swhat you got out of my…” I pause to check the time. “Half-hour-long monologue?”
“I think it was actually a soliloquy, love,” Keith comments.
“Wrong.A soliloquy would be if she were talking to herself. This shit does sound like it comes straight out of a Shakespeare play, though,” Delilah agrees.
“Guys!We’re not talking about sex! I needadvice!”
“On what?” Delilah asks. “You already know what you need to do for work; get your algorithm finished. As for your mother, you’ve already done all you can. And your father is a piece of shit, so you already know my advice is to get close to him and take his money—that’s all he’s good for, anyway. The only thing left to advise on is your situation with the driver, and my advice is to let him fuck your brains out.”
An aggrieved sigh escapes me. “You’re both the worst.”
“You love us anyway,” Keith coos. “Besides, what’s the hold back for indulging in some spicy time? I’ve seen Asher Lawrence on TV; his permanent scowl makes him completely irresistible. Not to mention that face, that body,those eyes—”
“We hate each other!”
“Tsk. What does that have to do with anything?” Keith waves a dismissive hand. “To Delilah’s earlier point, hate sexisquite fun, and you need to get laid. It’s been, what? Months?”
I wince.
Delilah laughs. “Longer. My grandma sees more action than Victoria.”
“That’s unnecessary,” I grumble. “I’m still… not over Todd.” It’s the same excuse I’ve been giving since I broke up with him in my first year of my master’s program.
“Who’s Todd?” Keith asks, looking genuinely confused. “My sweet Victoria, have you been keeping a secret paramour from us? You ought to be arrested by the friend police.”
“Todd was her boyfriend in undergrad,” Delilah reminds him. “They broke up halfway through her masters.”
“Oh,thatTodd? The skimpy boy with the acne scars? My love, he wasn’t yourboyfriend, he was yourbeard.”
“That’ssonot true!” I cry.
Delilah hides her laugh behind a cough and takes an annoyingly large gulp of her wine.
“Remind me, when was the last time you had sex?” Keith wonders.
