“No. Some flavor-of-the-month boyfriend posted bail. A few days later, she crashed her car into a tree and died, drunk as usual. Harold and another officer showed up on our doorstep with the news.” She fiddled with a button on her blouse. “It happened a few months before Joel and I got married. It’s horrible to say, but I felt free with her gone. I no longer had to deal with her manic moods and bullshit, or worry about her crashing the wedding.”
“I get it. As soon as I crossed the county line, I felt free. The world was at my fingertips. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, but I was okay with that.”
“I wanted to go with you and experience life and adventure outside this little town, but I couldn’t abandon Carol. Besides, you knew I had a problem with your new little habit. Smoking pot and popping pills at parties were one thing, but it was only going to get worse.”
After he’d tested positive for drugs and lost his job at the hardware store, his boss called Harold who flipped his ever-loving lid. Another cop later picked him up for possession, and the judge slapped him with community service. Jarrett hitting the road once they’d graduated from high school shouldn’t have shocked her.
He turned away. “It did get worse. Cocaine.”
“Oh, God. I’d thought for sure you’d come back, that at any moment, I’d hear the roar of your bike. I waited for hours.” She rubbed her finger, almost feeling the weight of Jarrett’s faux emerald promise ring, but she’d tossed the ring away years earlier.
“I’m sorry, Marissa. I was so fucking stupid back then.”
“I don’t want apologies. What’s done is done, and I have a good life now. I just wanted you to know how I felt.” She blinked away tears. “Thank you for speaking with Jason. You probably have little experience with kids, but you did great.”
He frowned at her. “I thought you were upset by what I said.”
“No, but I don’t want him to grow attached to you. It doesn’t matter, really. I doubt you’ll see him again before you leave tomorrow.”
“You’re probably right.” He reached to touch her leg but paused midway and stood. He picked up an eight-by-ten framed photo from the fireplace mantel. “You and Joel look happy.”
“It was our only family portrait. Jason was four months old.” She wiped tears from her eyes. “Joel was a great husband. He always took care of us. God, I miss him.”
Jarrett snapped his shoulders straight and stashed the frame back alongside candles, Christmas knickknacks, and other photos. “I’m sure you do. You loved him. He never admitted it to me, but he had this insane crush on you back in high school.”
“He told me.” Marissa sniffled and followed him up. “After a session with a government shrink, Joel asked me out to dinner with an air of confidence I’d never seen in him before. The war had toughened him, darkened him. Even though he didn’t serve in the military as long as he wanted, he returned home a different person.” She rearranged a few glass balls and mismatched ornaments on the decked-out tree. “I declined, but he kept sending me flowers at work and even wrote me a few love letters. All my coworkers at the restaurant told me to stop torturing the poor guy and give him a chance.”
She toed the edge of the crumpled rug with her foot until it laid flat. “I need to tell you something. If you repeat this to your parents or my son, you won’t have to worry about me tracking you down. I’ll never want to see you again.”
“Okay?”
“I loved Joel, I still do, but as my friend and the father to my son.”
He stepped back. “Wait, what?”
“We dated for about three months before we moved in together, and we married three months later. It all happened so fast, but everyone expected it. I didn’t know how to slow things down.” She wrapped her arms around her chest as the firelight reflected like embers in his dark eyes. “After a while, he realized I didn’t love him like a wife should love her husband. I tried to, wanted to, tried to convince him I did, but he knew. Worst of all, we discussed divorce a few weeks before he died.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “You have no idea how many nights I’ve cried myself to sleep wishing I’d loved him more, that he knew he was my everything when he took his last breath.”
Jarrett closed the space between them and gently grasped her arms. “Marissa, I—”
She pushed him away. “Damn you, Jarrett! I tried so fucking hard to get over you. All I ever wanted was a man who loved me, who would fight for me—for us. You left because things got too hard. Joel wanted to work through our problems. He wanted professional counseling, and I agreed to try.” She tunneled her hands through her hair. “We married for all the wrong reasons. I was desperate, pathetic, and chose your lookalike in place of the real thing. I hate you for that. I hate myself. I should’ve loved him as I loved you.”
She stalked across the room and gripped the doorframe. Her stomach roiled. Why hadn’t she kept her big trap shut? Of all the things to admit, she should’ve taken that bombshell to the grave.
“I don’t regret marrying Joel. Without him, I wouldn’t have Jason. I’m sorry for unloading this on you. I shouldn’t fault you for living your own life.” She forced air through her constricting lungs and faced the only man she’d ever truly, deeply loved. “You can go if you like. If you want nothing to do with me, I understand, but please don’t shut out your parents. Leave me your number, and I’ll give it to Linda.”
Air whizzed through Jarrett’s teeth. The stark firelight deepened the lines branching from his eyes and mouth. He strode to the other doorway that opened into the foyer and hall and the freedom he wanted.
Of course, he would leave. Nothing she said mattered to him.
She bit back a sob as he suddenly pivoted. His shoulders rolled as he stomped toward her like she was prey to his beast. He jerked her into his arms and claimed her lips with a searing kiss that tore the air from her lungs. His breath filled her mouth and trailed down her throat, ripping away her defenses. He tasted of coffee and man, darkness and bliss, an aphrodisiac sure to destroy her. His whiskers abraded her skin, marking her as though she belonged to him. If only that were true. She clutched his rock-hard chest as their tongues danced.
“Fucking hell.” He pressed fast kisses on her chin and down her throat before h pushed her against the nearest wall and cupped one of her breasts.
She gasped. The friction of her shirt and bra chafing her hardening nipple with his firm but tender squeeze jolted pleasure through her like mini bolts of electricity.
He pulled her blouse over her head and groaned as her lace-shielded breasts thrust up.
Did the girls have a mind of their own?
