Or is this just that thing inside of me that lurks, the monster who controls when I speak and what I think and who I love, which is no one now, because it will not allow me to feel anything. It is always here, lingering beneath the surface, waiting to take the reins, and I cannot stop it. I am not strong enough to break free.
“Welcome, Nyx.” Gaia greets me with a small, cautious bow, keeping her eyes on me. “Thank you for coming. I appreciate your willingness to listen to what I have to say.”
The goddess who calls herself a queen pulls back her white hood, her diamond encrusted robe glistening under the bright lights of the swirling sky. She enjoys wearing beautiful things to hide what a monster she is on the inside. I see through her disguise after witnessing myself what she is capable of, not to mention all the lies she tells the unsuspecting people of her realm. Though her dark eyes dance with light and love, there is not a thing capable of love within her, though I am certain she would say the same of me. She may think that I do not know her but that she knows me. Yet neither of these fools know a thing about who I am, not anymore. They know nothing of the hatred and resentment the thing inside me feels toward them both, how badly it would love to tear them apart limb from limb and simply smile while doing so. I cannot tell them these things. It will not let me, but one day I am certain it will show itself and let it be known.
Someday they will feel my wrath across every realm, and it will be me but not me, because I simply do the monster’s bidding. I have no control over what I do or say any longer.
“It’s so nice to see you again, Nyx.” Hekate smiles even as my lifeless, blood-red eyes burn into hers, showing her how little I care.
She is beautiful in her robe lined with lace. It accentuates all the most delicious parts of her. I want to hate her because it would be easier for me if I did. I want to wish death upon her as the thing inside of me does, but though my heart may be as hard and cold as obsidian, the unwanted memories resurface when she is near. The beating thing in my chest forces me to feel what I try hard to forget.
Stupid, wretched heart.
She is a traitor. She never loved me. It was all a lie. There is no forgiving Hekate.
No! Get out of my head! Please…do not make me do this…
The serpents around my neck hiss in response to her voice, the irritation forced onto me from the beast inside passing on to them. “I wish I could say it is lovely to see you, but you both know how much I despise the two of you. You have made it very clear how you feel about me, as well.”
Do not listen to the darkness, Hekate. This is not me. These are not my thoughts. These are not my words…
My black dress skates across the ground as I step toward them, the hissing growing louder as the grip around my shoulders and arms tightens, my serpents displaying themselves proudly as accessories which are not only things of beauty, but deadly weapons as well. I reach up and caress their scaly heads as they peek out from behind my shoulders and the hissing ends, my touch assuring them we are safe for now.
The witch sighs, her wide eyes moving up and down my body, stopping at the curved horns on my head. I smile as she stares and shivers involuntarily. Her fear creeps across her skin and goosebumps prickle up on her bare arms. The sight and overwhelming scent of her fear is delightful.
Good. Hate me. Fear me. Kill me, Hekate. I am no longer the one you loved. That woman died long ago…
“My Gods have you changed. It’s difficult for me to see you this way.” The chilly breeze sends her icy hair flowing around her, and she reaches up to brush it out of her pale, perfectly heart shaped face. “Tell me, Nyx. Are you happy in the Underworld? Are you truly happy now?” She blinks slowly, refusing to take her eyes off me even for a moment. The blue glow of her big, doe eyes reaches for me, sending her power out searching for what might be left of her lover’s soul.
Her magic is warm, like a familiar embrace, like a long lost loved one who wishes to call me home, and it makes my stomach churn with disgust. I should kill her.
Don’t you dare touch her! Please, take me home, Hekate. I wish to come home to you…
Forcing my gaze away, I lift my hands and focus on shining my sharp, black claw-like nails, imagining how satisfying it might feel to slash them across her jugular and watch her bleed out until she is nothing but a fleshy, empty shell.
I look up at her after the urge to slaughter her passes, letting the red glow within my eyes ignite even brighter. “Someday, perhaps, you will find yourselves in The Underworld with your fate in my hands. Perhaps you could use a friend there more than you know. It is me, after all, the queen of the realm, who chooses your final fate, is it not? Me who can let you pass through to the Elysian Fields where you will be treated as gods, or who can choose to send you to Asphodel Meadows where you will simply exist as ordinary beings and nothing more. Or, better yet,” I lift a clawed finger, tapping it thoughtfully against my cheek, “I can toss you into the pit to burn for eternity.” Smiling brightly, I drop my hand as the women shift nervously on their feet, considering my words. “To answer your question, Hekate,” I spit her name through clenched teeth, hating the way it sounds rolling off my tongue. “I am as happy as one could be after being betrayed by the ones she loved and forced into the waiting arms of darkness. The Underworld is all I have left. I was not given another option, now was I?” I glare first at Gaia and then at Hekate, my face cold and uncaring, though somewhere within my mind the wounds still burn, fresh and raw and not ones time could ever heal.
Hekate’s eyes soften, the glow dimming and her normal radiant energy shifting to a pained emptiness.
I hope my words hurt. I hope they cut her so deeply that it burns, eviscerating her soul and leaving a hollowness that can never be filled. I hope the agony of it drives her completely mad one day. She is deserving of any pain I may cause. They are both deserving of much more.
She does not deserve this! She deserves the sun and the moon and every single star in the sky. Please, let me go. Let me speak to her!
Gaia shakes her head, and her face scrunches up in disappointment. “You will forever blame us for your fate. You will never offer up forgiveness, will you? To me or to her or even the Gods. You chose your path, Nyx, whether intentional or not. We played no part in your choices.”
“Why should I offer forgiveness when neither of you have apologized for what you have done?” Clenching my hands into fists at my sides, my nails dig into my palms and warmth trickles down. My serpents hiss and writhe in anticipation. “You do not deserve a thing from me. If you look at me now and despise what you see, you have only yourselves to blame. You did this to me.” My throat tingles as the venom in the back begs to be let into the air, dying for the thrill of watching their lungs bleed.
Their deaths would spare me the never-ending torture of having to look at their vile faces, knowing the abhorrent things they have done.
These are not my thoughts. These are not my words. This is not me.
“Enough.” Gaia faces the River Oceanus, her dark hair shining like velvet against the bright lights within the water. “We did not come here for this. We are here to find peace. To bring unity back to our realms. Fate has brought us together, and try as we might, we cannot fight it.”
Stepping toward her, my stiletto heels leave dents in the fluffy ground beneath them. “I want your people to leave myself and the demons alone. Leave us be. Darkness deserves to exist in this world as well as light. Without darkness your realm serves no purpose. You have nothing to fight for. Darkness cannot guide you or anyone else into the light if we no longer exist.”
You serve no purpose. Death will reign upon you one day. They will make sure of it. I will make sure of it once I am free of you.
My insides burn as the darkness raging inside me scrapes its claws across my mind, a warning that I am thinking too much. Feeling too much. Those are forbidden things.
