“Ere. His name is Ere.” I correct, rolling my eyes.
“Right. I know you care about… Ere, but is now really a good time to see him with everything you’re feeling? The confusion and anger toward Ro, I mean.” He tucks his wings in tight, the darkness of them pulling my attention away from the bright wall of white behind him. “You and Kairos had fifty beautiful years together. Your love was like nothing I’ve ever seen. I think maybe a part of him is so crushed because he’d hoped you’d fall for him like you did before even without your memories.” He leans back against the couch, shrugging weakly. “He’s a romantic and a true believer in fate. I don’t think he realized how difficult this was all going to be for him, and he didn’t know how to handle it. He just wanted to wait until the right time to tell you that you’re meant to be his queen. He realized that’s a big thing to ask of you.”
Leaning forward, I snap my book closed and slide it onto the table. “Fifty years, Mio? Why did we wait so long to perform the claiming ceremony? If we were fated to be together, why not make it official sooner?”
Smiling, he shakes his head. “The bastard was scared. He wanted to make it official the moment the bond snapped into place, but he had never been happier. You were all he ever wanted or needed in life.” He brushes his dark hair back away from his face, his soft green eyes meeting mine as he leans his elbows on his knees. “Yes, you were fated to be, and yes, it was obvious to everyone that you were perfect together, but it wasn’t up to you or him or any of us. The gods, in the end, choose our fates. He was scared they’d choose to take you away from him. To him, making it official wasn’t worth the risk. There is nothing that terrifies that man more than the thought of losing you.”
“But he did it anyway. Why?” I breathe, tilting my head to the side.
“You wanted it. You wanted to rule beside him as his queen. You had hope that nothing would or could tear the two of you apart, not even the gods themselves could break you, you’d say.” He laughs quietly, his head dropping and shaggy hair falling over his eyes, before looking back up at me, all humor gone. “I still believe that, Nora. Not even the gods could break the love you shared. There is no point in fighting what you feel for him. And there is definitely no excuse for you hurting him the way you did, especially when you didn’t mean any of what you said. You may be my future queen, but you better believe I’ll still be there to tell you both when you’ve fucked up, just like before. You fucked up, Nor.” He stands, shoving his hands into his leather pants pockets, then nods down at me with pain in his eyes and whispers, “fix it, please.”
Holy shit. I had no idea how much time Kairos and I had spent together, but several decades was not at all what I’d been thinking. I had six months with Ere, and when he left me, I could barely breathe. This goes beyond the small stinging pain that comes when someone you’re just starting to feel things for leaves, what Kairos feels for me runs deep. It’s decades of love and then a century of loneliness and blind hope while he waited for me to come back to him. It makes it all hurt so much worse. It makes me wish I had my memories even more. I want to remember. I need to remember him. I can’t go on this way, not even knowing who I truly am. Not even knowing the man I’m meant to love.
I stand, heading to the kitchen and grabbing my phone and purse off the counter, slinging the crossbody strap over my head and tossing my phone in the pocket. “I need to go for a walk. I’m starting to feel like I can’t breathe in here.” I glare at him as I walk past, pretending to be angry at him for pushing me to apologize, or pushing me to care, but I’m not angry.
I’m lost and sad and scared, more than anything else, because as much as I want to believe I’ll find a way out of this for all of us, the truth is, Kairos might lose me again. Maybe this time for good. How will he feel if he discovers Nyx has killed me? Will he ever be able to heal? The guilt eats at me, clawing and tearing and ripping my heart in two, but I have to try. I have no choice. I’m not living my life hiding or scared or haunted by her. I refuse to let her win.
“Great. I’ll be watching from the sky,” he says with feigned excitement, pushing open the sliding glass doors, shoulders slouching as he steps outside.
He looks about as defeated as I do. I know he’s only trying to help Kairos and even me, but the only thing he’s doing is making me not want to drag this out any longer. I’m done with not remembering anything people tell me about myself and my past. I’m done with it all.
I slip out the sliding glass doors and find Olivia and Hekate lying face first on towels in the sand. “I’m going out. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but don’t wait up for me.” I smile as Olivia pulls herself to her knees, tilting her head down and letting her sunglasses fall to her nose, peeking over them at me.
I’ll miss her. I can’t tell her where I’m going or that there’s a chance I might never return, but I believe in my heart that I’ll see her again. I wasn’t reincarnated just to die for nothing. I’ll see them all again. I have to believe that.
“Where are you going? I want to go out!” Her smile is wide as she glances behind me at Mio who wiggles his fingers at her and shows off his dimples. “Especially if you’re going with him. Damn. He’s hot, right?” She gives him a flirtatious wave, licking her lips as she does.
I roll my eyes. “If you say so. He’s like a really buff, immortal child with weapons he probably shouldn’t have.” Glancing behind me, his mouth hangs open in shock. “I’m only kidding! Shit, I’m sorry. You are so hot, Mio. The hottest, actually, and the best warrior I’ve ever met, but don’t tell Kairos I said that!” I laugh and then Olivia and Mio’s laughter follow as I pull my sister in for a hug. “I’ll miss you, sis.” I quickly blink away the tears beginning to spill over.
Hekate rolls over onto her back. “That is the most accurate description of someone I’ve ever heard, actually.” She laughs, glancing at him and then at me. “Hey. What’s wrong?” She wraps her arms around Olivia and me and then pulls back slightly to look at me.
I force a smile. “I’m fine. I promise.” I wave it off and shake my head. “Life has just been weird lately. It’s a lot. I’m sure I’ll feel better soon.”
We untangle ourselves and Hekate pins her unwavering gaze on Mio. “Do you want me to come, Nora? I can use my magic to put him in an endless sleep if you’re tired of his incessant chatter.” She smiles wide, her fingertips sparkling with blue light as she wiggles them toward him dramatically.
Mio simply winks at her. “Try me, little witch. I dare you. You know I love a good challenge.” His smile is seductive and taunting, begging her to play.
“Eww, Bromios. You realize I’m not attracted to men, right? I’ve told you this before. Save what little dignity you have left and let it go.” She shudders, pretending to be sickened by his flirting, but both of them laugh.
“Hey, who needs dignity anyway?” With that, he looks to my sister. “Nice seeing you again, Liv. Thank you for being nice to me, unlike these two.” Smiling, he walks backward, eyes on her the whole time before spinning on his heels and sauntering away.
What the hell was that?
After Olivia stops staring after him with desire burning behind her eyes, she refocuses on me. “Where are you going, anyway? You sure you don’t want us to come?”
“No, I’m okay. I just need to take a walk and clear my head, that’s all.” I avoid looking directly at my friend and sister, gazing at the foamy, crashing waves behind them instead, afraid they’ll pick up on my lie.
“Are you going to see Kairos soon? Mio told me you got into a fight. I’m sorry.” Olivia gently grips my forearm and tilts her head. “I know fate says you’re meant to be, but if it doesn’t feel right then it doesn’t feel right. I like Kairos, but I think you should follow your heart. Do what will make you happy, little sis. Always.”
I wrap my arms around her one more time, squeezing her tight. “Thanks, Liv. I love you.” With my head on her shoulder, I reach out to Hekate and she scoots in closer, wrapping her arms around us both. “I love you too, friend.”
I have to leave before the tears turn into full on sobs and then they’ll be no hiding that something is truly wrong. I stand, wiping sand off my floral sundress as I turn my back toward them and begin to walk away, not glancing back.
“Love you! Have fun!” Their voices follow me around to the front of the house as I make my way into town.
Where I’m headed isn’t a place meant for fun, but at least there’s hope I can find myself while I’m there. With my memories I believe I’ll feel whole again. I’m tired of feeling so broken.
I glance up, and though Mio is glamouring himself to stay hidden, his positive energy radiates down over me like a warm, gentle rain shower washing away my worries. I breathe it all in, letting the tingly sensation of light remind me of why I’m doing this.
